Repairing Relationships

October 25. Hey friends out there. The weekend officially ended about a half hour ago. I figured it would be a good time to write, especially because it's healthy for me to do it anyway. It was a pretty long week, but I can't complain. Alot got accomplished, countless things I may never recognize at that. Some of the best parts are worth listing for those who like to hear about my wins & losses. I got to help my grandmother, indirectly, by cleaning out her storage shed in the back of her house. Family had made it a disgusting mess & I volunteered to help, boy did my back pay the price as I am still sore today. I also got a call about a storefront I was researching, my mom found a new place opening up that was accepting businesses. That call came in during the big cleanout at Grams, I took a break & talked with the management there. We made a verbal deal that I would read over the documents & if I was in I would sign & send them with my first month's rent. After haggling a few perks I was looking for it turned out to be a deal of a lifetime, or one of the best in my lifetime so far, so I sent everything in the mail. In less than a month I should be finishing the final touches of my setup, I'll be praying for sure. Today I did the weekend run at Garden Market location & at least made some profit for being there the morning & afternoon. Afterwards I played some cards, came home, then went out with a friend. We did alot of talking sobriety & I can only hope he truly gets the big picture.

With some good things going my way & a few things that needed fixing or adjustments around me, I can only be grateful I have the life I have today & the people in it. Speaking of people in it, the conversation with my friend tonight spoke of relationships. I have so many different relationships of all kinds in my life. Friendships, family, parents, siblings, each having their own individual bearing on my life & weights in my heart. Each having their own conditions & boundries for existance also. What I want to talk about as a topic is "Repairing Relationships", which is exactly what I was working towards doing with my friend this night during our talk. In turn he is trying to repair relationships in his own life & asked me for advice. I can reflect back on my own life for some of the answers that might have been helpful to him & many others too. I have always loved my parents for example, but in my disease's full swing I was defiant, destructive, and inconsiderate. I stole emotions, property, and pride from them time & again. I used one excuse after another, truly because I was ignorant to the fact that I was different & so were they, none of us knew that I bore the marks on my soul of an alcoholic/addict. It was when the marks burned through to the surface & nothing was left but the bold & painful truth that we all became aware. What mattered the most I think today is that we became aware together, and we wanted to find a solution together. In other words we wanted a relationship together still despite my incurable disease.

With bad odds & alot of damages, nobody gave up on Repairing the Relationships we had & wanted to better though. Some things that probably should not have been done or said were done & said, mostly on my part but I never take all the blame or credit, I am not my Higher Power nor is any human being either. Even with the bad, the good was evident, as a solution for my alcoholism was found in the 12 Steps & the fellowships, my parents & I began to grow closer again. Trust was not there for some time, my eyes were stared over for fog, my actions questioned sometimes even, but my intention was no longer what it was & their hearts were tender so I understood. I can remember getting very sick & hints being thrown around that someone thought I was using drugs or drinking again, but to myself I was true & the truth prevailed. What I am getting to with these examples is that the damage to relationships is not mended in one day of sobriety, not ten, not a thousand. It is constantly being worked on, as life continues, so does the relationship & non-alcoholism related tears can be put into the fabric of a relationship. But also, non-recovery stiches can be sewn into it also. What I noticed is that the better person I become, the closer my parents & I grow. This has become true with all of the relationships in my life, those who chose to remain close to me grow even closer & those who keep their distance grow farther. But my heart loves as it always did, a heart is a heart sick or not. No matter the length of time, no matter if I am the one doing repairs or someone else I will do my best to remember that repairs take time. No matter if I am doing the damage or someone else is, I will equally try to remember that I was forgiven by so many when my Higher Power put the miracle of change in my life. All I do is be grateful for the experience I have had in growing closer to so many in my sobriety, I have been learning what a relationship is really all about. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night.. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy