June 02. Wednesday is almost gone & I am over the hump in the middle of the week. I accomplished alot today in both social & spiritual fields, I feel much has grown in this 24 hours sober. One day at a time & its working. I woke up early to meet my mom & fill up the gas tank, my 4yr old nephew pumped it for me. Afterwards I drove out to meet my best friend Tommy & my cousin. After a few hours my cousin came home & we watched a movie with my mom that spiritually touched the three of us. The Book Of Eli was the title & I don't want to spoil it, so if your looking for a spiritual movie check it out. After that I caught a quick powernap, then woke up a few minutes behiind schedule & rushing to get changed. I had a commitment at CMC Hospital to run an AA meeting for alcoholic & addicted patients in the hospital. I will talk more about that meeting later, to finish my cousin came along & we went out for a little while after. I ended my night dropping him off & watching some tv before coming home. It was a great day spent with people who are important to me, moreso than ever & an even better evening spent with strangers who I am spiritually connectd to like brothers & sisters.
When I say that I am connected to them, I reffer to the fellows at the hospital that came to the voluntary meeting. No one who showed up was forced or imposed upon to show up & there were 6 in total, 8 counting my cousin & I. I took this commitment initially as to just tag along & help my sponsor put the meeting on. It wasn't until he told me yesterday he had a conflicting event that I knew I would be the chairmam, running the meeting, instead. I was happy to take the commitment on full sail, but in the same not nervous as these were alcoholics & addicts I had never met before, say for the one kind soul who accompanied me.. my cousin. When they announced the meeting to the patients & the small room filled up with faces I suddenly became comfortable. I cannot explain where the comfort came from, I want to say it was from my higher power soothing me with the sight of other alcoholics flocking to the message.
With my nerves calmed, I had forgotten any and all things I had set out to mention. I opened the meeting according to the format that the fellowship has laid out, asking volunteers to help read the 12 Steps, Traditions, Preamble & Promises. This was all familiar to me, I have chaired 4 meetings prior to this thankfully. I did not know how I would "qualify" myself, as in what parts of my story I would tell to reveal my qualifications to chair an alcoholic recovery meeting. I didn't need any prior knowledge of how I would do it though, when the time came I simply was taken over by the spirit & began telling my story. I didn't have to decide what parts to include or leave out, it just flowed from my heart & off of my tongue. I truly believe that my higher power had used me as a tool to carry the message of hope to these still sick & suffering addicts & alcoholics, why?, because they connected to the story I told. When I concluded my story & opened the meeting to them, as it was their meeting afterall, there was no hesitation for the first to speak & share their need & desire for help.
The meeting went back & forth between the 6 patients, my cousin & myself. I somehow managed to connect with these alcoholics like my sponsor & members of my support group did with me. The miracle of the 12 Steps, or at least the seeds of its fruits, had been planted for later use if not sooner. I am inspired by the strength of the patients we met with today, no different than you or I, they have faced as many challenges if not more & have a desire to live sober today. They only need solutions to their disease as do I, the message in the end is the same. It was a great pleasure to have been of service to not only them, but the fellowship, and most importantly my Higher Power. I believe that a great part of my purpose & time left on this earth in my body is to be spent doing just as I have tried tonight, to help others in any way I can. I must always remember to put my sobriety first or I be of no use to anyone drunk or high. I will pray for these newcomers & the still sick who need another chance, may they find the same chance I did in the same 12 Steps & the people that carry that message. And may you, my friends, find the light of the spirit brightening your path today, tomorrow, & forever. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Keeping It Green
June 01. Hey my friends. So here we are entering June, it was this time last year that I had finally reached the bottom of my alcoholic barrel. What a spiritual & enlightening climb back out it has been for the past 11 months. I had a great day today, although the morning & afternoon was uneventful & I slept too long. I had dinner with mom & dad then got ready to leave while they fixed one of my display cases for my jewelry shop. Out the door & a few towns over I was 5 minutes late for the meeting. I didn't miss a beat thankfully & when it started someone shared first & foremost, their message was sad & a grim reminder for me. She had not only relapsed, she was also intoxicated at the meeting. In tears & fumbling for the right words she proclaimed the need for help, she had lost her way & got off track from the principles of sober & spiritual living. It was this message that keeps it "Green" or fresh in my mind & the many people afterwards who shared their love & tolerance along with their willingness to help her regain a sober life that makes the miracle of the 12 Steps & spiritual living so apparent to me.
"Keeping It Green" is something that any person trying to refrain from repeating their past must do. Its exposure to other's mistakes, newcomers who are still sick & suffering, and relapses that help do this. Some would say that not seeing this & going on with life without any exposure to alcohol or drugs would be the way, I disagree. Certainly we must avoid people, places & things that we used to fuel our disease with, we should not go hopping bars to see the effects of alcoholism first hand, but in an environment of recovery when someone comes in influenced by their disease instead of healing we get a face to face reminder of what our own lives used to be like, or could be one day if we go back to our old ways. See some of us have not hit bottoms as low as others, many people in fact have not been as desperate or hollow as I was when I came to the rooms, but the good part of it is that it's not necessary to go that low if we are thoroughly convinced we cannot go back to that life.. keeping it green through seeing others in positions we were or were heading is a great way to do that.
Aside from "Keeping It Green" we must obviously begin to change to stay away from our natural alcoholic insticts taking over in our life, we do that through the 12 Steps, Sponsorship, and taking suggestions instead of doing things our own way. Afterall our way, well I will speak for myself, MY WAY got me 14 years of addiction and almost dead enough times that I ended up screaming HELP. I am sure when I first arrived into the fellowship that I must have been a fine specimin of "Green" reminders for the veterans of recovery. I can look back in my journals & even on this blog as proof of the psychic change that has occured in me. Each day I turn it over & learn how to live this spiritual & sober life I become more well rounded & less rough around the edges so to speak. If I were to go back out that would be a true display of my self will, reminding everyone else where taking your will back will get you, keeping it fresh & green for those who were on the spiritual path.
If alcohol & drugs did not spiritually bankrupt a person a relaspe would be nothing more than a risk of one's physical health or death. But it truly affects us deep within. Those who are not alcoholic are affected for the few moments they enjoy the relaxing & intoxicating effects of the drink, but those who are addicted or alcoholic are sent into an uncontrolable spiral downward in spiritual means. That is the defining difference, that is why one drink or drug can destroy everything a sober person has worked for. In the few seconds it takes to get drunk or high we can lose what has taken us ages to build. That is something I am not willing to allow to happen in my life, that is so long as I "Keep It Green" & remain teachable, willing to help others in need, and always remember that the solution is through the constant application of spiriual principles in my life. If I don't pick up the first one I won't have to live in worry of which is my last. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
"Keeping It Green" is something that any person trying to refrain from repeating their past must do. Its exposure to other's mistakes, newcomers who are still sick & suffering, and relapses that help do this. Some would say that not seeing this & going on with life without any exposure to alcohol or drugs would be the way, I disagree. Certainly we must avoid people, places & things that we used to fuel our disease with, we should not go hopping bars to see the effects of alcoholism first hand, but in an environment of recovery when someone comes in influenced by their disease instead of healing we get a face to face reminder of what our own lives used to be like, or could be one day if we go back to our old ways. See some of us have not hit bottoms as low as others, many people in fact have not been as desperate or hollow as I was when I came to the rooms, but the good part of it is that it's not necessary to go that low if we are thoroughly convinced we cannot go back to that life.. keeping it green through seeing others in positions we were or were heading is a great way to do that.
Aside from "Keeping It Green" we must obviously begin to change to stay away from our natural alcoholic insticts taking over in our life, we do that through the 12 Steps, Sponsorship, and taking suggestions instead of doing things our own way. Afterall our way, well I will speak for myself, MY WAY got me 14 years of addiction and almost dead enough times that I ended up screaming HELP. I am sure when I first arrived into the fellowship that I must have been a fine specimin of "Green" reminders for the veterans of recovery. I can look back in my journals & even on this blog as proof of the psychic change that has occured in me. Each day I turn it over & learn how to live this spiritual & sober life I become more well rounded & less rough around the edges so to speak. If I were to go back out that would be a true display of my self will, reminding everyone else where taking your will back will get you, keeping it fresh & green for those who were on the spiritual path.
If alcohol & drugs did not spiritually bankrupt a person a relaspe would be nothing more than a risk of one's physical health or death. But it truly affects us deep within. Those who are not alcoholic are affected for the few moments they enjoy the relaxing & intoxicating effects of the drink, but those who are addicted or alcoholic are sent into an uncontrolable spiral downward in spiritual means. That is the defining difference, that is why one drink or drug can destroy everything a sober person has worked for. In the few seconds it takes to get drunk or high we can lose what has taken us ages to build. That is something I am not willing to allow to happen in my life, that is so long as I "Keep It Green" & remain teachable, willing to help others in need, and always remember that the solution is through the constant application of spiriual principles in my life. If I don't pick up the first one I won't have to live in worry of which is my last. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Monday, May 31, 2010
Spiritual Freedom - 4th Step & Letting Go
May 31. Hello friends & a very happy Memorial Day. I hope you all spent your holiday spending quality time with those who matter & remembered the sacrifice that has happened by soldiers in order for us to be free to do so. I couldn't have asked for a better day, even though some things were missing. Everything seemed to go right & that is an ongoing pattern in my life the longer I am sober & willing to work a spiritual program. I spent half my day with my family & the second half with my best friend & his family. Only a few small things that I won't mention could have made it a better day, neither one of those things are a drink or drug thanks to the Grace of my Higher Power. After both parties I went to my usual Monday meeting at MARS Group & we had a very emotional & relieving meeting there. A reality & urgency to face certain things in my past that still hold back the person I am today became apparent.
It has come to my understanding that as I honestly & fearlessly search myself, there will be things that cause fear, pain, resentment & in the end can cause me to pick up a drink again if left inside to decay my spirit. The key is to being freed from these haunting things of the past is to get them out, in my case on paper in my 4th Step. By being complete & honest about this pain, fear & resentment I can ahcieve freedom from it later, by letting it go to my higher power & forgiving others & as well myself. But we cannot just simply forgive on the surface, we have to search ourselves for everything that is inside & find the bad & hurtful. Writing it down in the 4th Step is a way to do this & actually bring a reality to situations that we can physically touch & see. It makes it later possible during our 5th step when we admit it all to our higher power & to another person, we can then work toward letting it go, realizing our part, and forgiving those necessary.
That doesn't mean we let harmful persons back in our lives or that we go back to our own old ways after the forgiveness, both of these could get us hurt again or bring on an all new resentment. Instead we continue to work on ourselves & grow from the experiences we collect in sobriety & spiritual living. The changes in us come in hard work & over time, some things that we come to peace with even involve people we may never see again or who cannot or will not change to be a purposeful member of our lives again. But we do not do it for them, we do it for ourselves to be unchained from ourselves & live free in spirit. I thank my higher power today for the 12 Steps & for truly having handed us all a great program, that I may one day be rid of the things inside which have rules me in fear & pain for over a decade. There is a great task ahead of me & through the help of others I will walk the path of freedom. Just as through the help of others we live in Freedom as a country. Let Freedom Ring on Memorial Day & every other day of your life. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
It has come to my understanding that as I honestly & fearlessly search myself, there will be things that cause fear, pain, resentment & in the end can cause me to pick up a drink again if left inside to decay my spirit. The key is to being freed from these haunting things of the past is to get them out, in my case on paper in my 4th Step. By being complete & honest about this pain, fear & resentment I can ahcieve freedom from it later, by letting it go to my higher power & forgiving others & as well myself. But we cannot just simply forgive on the surface, we have to search ourselves for everything that is inside & find the bad & hurtful. Writing it down in the 4th Step is a way to do this & actually bring a reality to situations that we can physically touch & see. It makes it later possible during our 5th step when we admit it all to our higher power & to another person, we can then work toward letting it go, realizing our part, and forgiving those necessary.
That doesn't mean we let harmful persons back in our lives or that we go back to our own old ways after the forgiveness, both of these could get us hurt again or bring on an all new resentment. Instead we continue to work on ourselves & grow from the experiences we collect in sobriety & spiritual living. The changes in us come in hard work & over time, some things that we come to peace with even involve people we may never see again or who cannot or will not change to be a purposeful member of our lives again. But we do not do it for them, we do it for ourselves to be unchained from ourselves & live free in spirit. I thank my higher power today for the 12 Steps & for truly having handed us all a great program, that I may one day be rid of the things inside which have rules me in fear & pain for over a decade. There is a great task ahead of me & through the help of others I will walk the path of freedom. Just as through the help of others we live in Freedom as a country. Let Freedom Ring on Memorial Day & every other day of your life. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Doing The Next Right Thing - Willingness
May 29. I was a busy bee working in the hive today, I hope the rest of you were enjoying your weekend & not working. I had a great day for business today, not because I made a ton of money but because I got to buy alot of jewelry at a ridiculously low price. Its little things like this that make me glad I am sober & capable of keeping something going like this instead of running it into the ground. I also find great joy in putting that special piece of treasure in a customer's hand. So after a long day & closing up by myself, my help left early for his son's birthday, I got on the road to return phone calls. I ended up meeting up with my cousin for a delicious dinner & a brief chat, a half an hour later bumping into a good friend & his girlfriend as well. So I indulged in the social coincidence & finally headed home for 8pm. I threw a quick cleaning on my office space & logged online to write. I had a thought about where I am headed lately, and more importantly how I got there. What exactly has provided me with the sober & spiritual success I have seen so far?
It came down apparently to the principle of "Doing The Next Right Thing". In so many situations its hard to determine what that may be, actually I am not really at all qualified to say what that can be in my own life. I say that because up until the past 11 months I have done everything my way & failed at everything but being a good selfish drug addict & alcoholic. I never knew what the next right thing was apparently, as I time after time made the wrong choices that lead me further down that rabbit hole of alcoholism. It wasn't until I became willing to listen to others, who had found & applied the solutions to their life, that I came to discover what the next right thing was. Each time something worked out for me, I learned a new thing for me as being the "right thing to do". So when faced with a similar situation, I might the next time know what the NEXT right thing to do is. It really is difficult to remain humble & accepting that I can't run my life the way I have before, it requires something arcane to me for the most part.
The good news is that it is teachable & so am I. There are many suggestions I am having a hard time following & others come easy but the point is I am willing to try. By trying I am getting practice at doing the next right thing for myself & others more often. So long as I don't assume I know whats best for me or what the next best choice is in my life, I can make the right choice by borrowing the experience of others before me. Does it mean that someone will always have the answers for me? Absolutely not. But others have survived any possibility I can face & remained sober. That means that I can too remain sober by doing as they did & if that does not work there are other's experiences to learn from. Its worth continuing this difficult process just to find out how I can walk free form the chains of alcoholism. Never cured, but relieved, one day at a time.. each "Next Right Thing" at a time.. It works if you work it. God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change, Courage To Change The Things I Can, & The Wisdom To Know The Difference". Happy & Safe Memorial Day Weekend~ Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
It came down apparently to the principle of "Doing The Next Right Thing". In so many situations its hard to determine what that may be, actually I am not really at all qualified to say what that can be in my own life. I say that because up until the past 11 months I have done everything my way & failed at everything but being a good selfish drug addict & alcoholic. I never knew what the next right thing was apparently, as I time after time made the wrong choices that lead me further down that rabbit hole of alcoholism. It wasn't until I became willing to listen to others, who had found & applied the solutions to their life, that I came to discover what the next right thing was. Each time something worked out for me, I learned a new thing for me as being the "right thing to do". So when faced with a similar situation, I might the next time know what the NEXT right thing to do is. It really is difficult to remain humble & accepting that I can't run my life the way I have before, it requires something arcane to me for the most part.
The good news is that it is teachable & so am I. There are many suggestions I am having a hard time following & others come easy but the point is I am willing to try. By trying I am getting practice at doing the next right thing for myself & others more often. So long as I don't assume I know whats best for me or what the next best choice is in my life, I can make the right choice by borrowing the experience of others before me. Does it mean that someone will always have the answers for me? Absolutely not. But others have survived any possibility I can face & remained sober. That means that I can too remain sober by doing as they did & if that does not work there are other's experiences to learn from. Its worth continuing this difficult process just to find out how I can walk free form the chains of alcoholism. Never cured, but relieved, one day at a time.. each "Next Right Thing" at a time.. It works if you work it. God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change, Courage To Change The Things I Can, & The Wisdom To Know The Difference". Happy & Safe Memorial Day Weekend~ Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Having Targets & Goals - Personality & Morals
May 29. It's early Saturday morning & I have to go run my business in the AM. That fact does not stop me from coming here to connect with all of you though. I used to put myself through days of no sleep & amounts of abuse in the multiples greater for the sake of my addiciton, so I can do it for something wholesome in my life moreso. I had a great friday. I slept in, so long that I was actually very slow getting moving. By the time mom & dad called to say it was time to meet for our friday night dinner out on the town I had to rush to get ready. Sometimes a fire under my ass is necessary or I will slip into my old behaviors, one of which is procrastination. After a great dinner/talk I went to visit & old friend. We talked & he decided he would come to a meeting with me. Two hours later, due to the group business meeting, we left with a mind full of recovery & went out to talk & have coffee. A brief argument or two with much heart behind my disagreements, we were laughing in no time & enjoying the radio on the way home.
It was something we had discussed & a point I mentioned to another friend as well today that I would like to bring up as a topic. When we are trying to learn a new way of living, reinventing ourselves without the "ism's" of alcoholism, it does us justice to have a "Target Personality & Set Of Morals" to aim for. Some would say this is just setting us up for failure, heartbreak, or a relapse... I disagree & so is all I've been taught. We give ourselves up willingly to the methods of the 12 Steps & the will of our Higher Power, all as part of working a spiritual program to change our lives. If we can do that, we have to keep some kind of picture in mind of what it is we want to be. That picture is ever changing, but some things in it are constant. I want to be a person that is rid of self seeking ways, one full of feeling, respectful & respected, not willing to do others harm & when I do be willing to make ammends, and a whole list of other things. With out having these targets in mind, I do not have any way to focus my efforts on an area of my life. In addition without them, I do not know what needs to be maintained to continue to have the qualities I want.
So the "Target Set Of Morals" has basically been explained & sometimes as my thinking gets clearer, or my spirituality grows I add to that list or change parts as more is revealed in this life..style..?.. The other part of this is having a "Target Personality". This confuses some people, but we have done this since childhood & do not even know it. When we want to be a heroic fireman, a law enforcing police officer, an honorable war veteran, or a wild & talented rock star.. these are all examples of a target personality. Some other ideas are a broadway singer, a dancer, a teacher.. the list goes on. That personality seems more like a profession, but don't people who are good at their jobs reflect their profession in a personality? Most of my life I wanted to be that Drug Smuggling, Chaos Creating, wild & crazy Rock Star. It was the bottom so low I lost the will to be anything that changed that for me. I still dream of being a Rock Star of sorts, but one who thrives with talent, spiritual music, and devoted to a fan base.. not selling as many tickets to have money to buy drugs or empty bottles.
That personality I dream of is popular for just being myself, for having a heart & expressing it in unique & musical ways, for being sober & having a strong base of morals that reflect my beliefs. I have had to do alot of finding out who I am now, understanding who I was, and concentrating on who I want to be. I know today that I cannot achieve any of my spiritual, moral, or personality goals if I do not remain sober & working the 12 Steps in my life daily. I have proven that left to my own devices & doing things my own way that I can accomplish no more than the drug & alcohol part, the selfish & alcoholic thinking, the actions of a man deserving no respect. So to change I must know what I am, and what I want to become. Its the difference between those two people that determines how much work I have to do, I want to be a person so great that my work will never be finished.. and thats a good thing, no a GREAT thing. To help others even with my last breaths of life is something I am commited to today, to be there for others as so many have been there for me when I could not stand myself. And finally to carry the message, not just of the solution to alcoholism, but the message of life & love, pain & gain, risk & reward, survival & recovery.. through all the many outlets available to me & the person that I will become with hard work & a clear image. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
It was something we had discussed & a point I mentioned to another friend as well today that I would like to bring up as a topic. When we are trying to learn a new way of living, reinventing ourselves without the "ism's" of alcoholism, it does us justice to have a "Target Personality & Set Of Morals" to aim for. Some would say this is just setting us up for failure, heartbreak, or a relapse... I disagree & so is all I've been taught. We give ourselves up willingly to the methods of the 12 Steps & the will of our Higher Power, all as part of working a spiritual program to change our lives. If we can do that, we have to keep some kind of picture in mind of what it is we want to be. That picture is ever changing, but some things in it are constant. I want to be a person that is rid of self seeking ways, one full of feeling, respectful & respected, not willing to do others harm & when I do be willing to make ammends, and a whole list of other things. With out having these targets in mind, I do not have any way to focus my efforts on an area of my life. In addition without them, I do not know what needs to be maintained to continue to have the qualities I want.
So the "Target Set Of Morals" has basically been explained & sometimes as my thinking gets clearer, or my spirituality grows I add to that list or change parts as more is revealed in this life..style..?.. The other part of this is having a "Target Personality". This confuses some people, but we have done this since childhood & do not even know it. When we want to be a heroic fireman, a law enforcing police officer, an honorable war veteran, or a wild & talented rock star.. these are all examples of a target personality. Some other ideas are a broadway singer, a dancer, a teacher.. the list goes on. That personality seems more like a profession, but don't people who are good at their jobs reflect their profession in a personality? Most of my life I wanted to be that Drug Smuggling, Chaos Creating, wild & crazy Rock Star. It was the bottom so low I lost the will to be anything that changed that for me. I still dream of being a Rock Star of sorts, but one who thrives with talent, spiritual music, and devoted to a fan base.. not selling as many tickets to have money to buy drugs or empty bottles.
That personality I dream of is popular for just being myself, for having a heart & expressing it in unique & musical ways, for being sober & having a strong base of morals that reflect my beliefs. I have had to do alot of finding out who I am now, understanding who I was, and concentrating on who I want to be. I know today that I cannot achieve any of my spiritual, moral, or personality goals if I do not remain sober & working the 12 Steps in my life daily. I have proven that left to my own devices & doing things my own way that I can accomplish no more than the drug & alcohol part, the selfish & alcoholic thinking, the actions of a man deserving no respect. So to change I must know what I am, and what I want to become. Its the difference between those two people that determines how much work I have to do, I want to be a person so great that my work will never be finished.. and thats a good thing, no a GREAT thing. To help others even with my last breaths of life is something I am commited to today, to be there for others as so many have been there for me when I could not stand myself. And finally to carry the message, not just of the solution to alcoholism, but the message of life & love, pain & gain, risk & reward, survival & recovery.. through all the many outlets available to me & the person that I will become with hard work & a clear image. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Acceptance Is A Responsibility - Memorial Day Weekend
May 27. I hope everyone had a good thursday, its almost friday & I am looking forward to a good holiday weekend. Memorial day was most often spent in a stupor & or in a struggle to hide the fact that I was in one. I know the meaning of the holiday & honor all who have sacrificed & worked so hard for freedom in the lives of others. I can't help but also celebrate this year the changing of the gaurd in my own life. No longer am I held a victim instead I can be responsible & carry the solution with me. I am fighting for my own freedom against an enemy that wants me dead, alcoholism & drug addiciton. With just over 10 months sober, I am forever grateful not to be in the position of despair & worthlessness to myself & others that I was a year ago.. and for years into the past. The key to all of this change, from prisoner to freedom fighter, an honorable veteran in the war against alcoholism in my life & others who seek a solution to the civil war within themselves... ACCEPTANCE.
Acceptance is so far different from admitting we are spiritually diseased, or alcoholic, or addicted. Admitting it is a mere statement of condition, it shows no intention nor ambition to change or grow well. It harbors denial, half-truths, and many other lethal enemies that greatly contribute to one's self destruction or losing the battle against themselves. Acceptance is entirely something different. It is the key to Sobriety & to living along Spiritual Lines. Accepting that you are something involves not only admitting it to others, but taking responsibility & owning the entire thing. It requires the responsibility of action to practice acceptance, the action being whatever must be done to correct one's spiritual disease. Acceptance over admittance is a huge factor in one's recovery. Many men & women say from the middle of a drug den party or the edge of a barstool "yeah so I'm an Alcoholic" or "I'm a drug addict what do you expect?". All things I have said myself in the past.
But today I say it different, with an entirely different tone & meaning. When I say that "I am a Drug Addict & Alcoholic" I am owning that, I have taken responsibility for it & accepted it. I accept that there is a solution & I must apply it in order to be free of it, in order to end the suffering for myself & others.. to prevent another casualty & create another Memorial Day. So when we think deeply about ourselves, when we stare deep within our spirit to what makes us, then examine what drives us right now in life.. can we say that we ACCEPT what we are? Or do we go on admitting our condition & continuing to live a prisoner of war, the war against our own worst enemies; a spiritually diseased self. We can do well to remember our veterans on Memorial Day, battles fought.. some won, some lost.. all in the name of Freedom! Freedom from self, that is the achievement & to do so we can employ the 12 Steps in our lives. We can after doing so, finally ADMIT that we ACCEPTED who we were & took the responsibility to change that person for reasons our higher power will yet reveal to us. Thanks for blogging in.. Have a great weekend! Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Acceptance is so far different from admitting we are spiritually diseased, or alcoholic, or addicted. Admitting it is a mere statement of condition, it shows no intention nor ambition to change or grow well. It harbors denial, half-truths, and many other lethal enemies that greatly contribute to one's self destruction or losing the battle against themselves. Acceptance is entirely something different. It is the key to Sobriety & to living along Spiritual Lines. Accepting that you are something involves not only admitting it to others, but taking responsibility & owning the entire thing. It requires the responsibility of action to practice acceptance, the action being whatever must be done to correct one's spiritual disease. Acceptance over admittance is a huge factor in one's recovery. Many men & women say from the middle of a drug den party or the edge of a barstool "yeah so I'm an Alcoholic" or "I'm a drug addict what do you expect?". All things I have said myself in the past.
But today I say it different, with an entirely different tone & meaning. When I say that "I am a Drug Addict & Alcoholic" I am owning that, I have taken responsibility for it & accepted it. I accept that there is a solution & I must apply it in order to be free of it, in order to end the suffering for myself & others.. to prevent another casualty & create another Memorial Day. So when we think deeply about ourselves, when we stare deep within our spirit to what makes us, then examine what drives us right now in life.. can we say that we ACCEPT what we are? Or do we go on admitting our condition & continuing to live a prisoner of war, the war against our own worst enemies; a spiritually diseased self. We can do well to remember our veterans on Memorial Day, battles fought.. some won, some lost.. all in the name of Freedom! Freedom from self, that is the achievement & to do so we can employ the 12 Steps in our lives. We can after doing so, finally ADMIT that we ACCEPTED who we were & took the responsibility to change that person for reasons our higher power will yet reveal to us. Thanks for blogging in.. Have a great weekend! Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
If It's Not Broken, Don't Fix It
May 27. Hey friends, trying to stay cool tonight cuz its pretty hot & just a lil after mindnight thursday morning. Writing here daily helps keep me on track & I hope that someone benefits out there from the things I share. I was almost too tired to get on here tonight, but I am stubborn & there is still plenty of time for sleep. My Wednesday wasn't all that terrible, I started my day out at 7am with a friend. We met up with my best friend Tommy & even saw my cousin. After an all day excusion I came home & tried to get some rest. A short nap & a shower later to escape the heat & I was off to my monthly commitment to open a meeting in Scranton. The topic there was an important one & it's worth repeating.
When something isn't broken, it doesn't need fixing. In relationship to the meeting, this topic arouse in the terms of carrying the message. The ways in which the 12 Steps are presented from one alcoholic to another have been the same for 75 years. So has the message in regaurds to there being a lasting solution to the disease of alcoholism. Because of the number of courts, agencies, & rehabilitation centers constantly force feeding people into the 12 Step fellowships when they do not want to be there, the message & the way one alcoholic reaches another has changed & become challenging. In the past decades alcoholics & addicts found the fellowships because they had hit bottoms so low that they were finally convinced they had to do something different. When the message was heard & someone showed up to a meeting they were ready to embrace change & were not going through the motions like so many others who are forced there do often.
At tonight's meeting an old timer ephasized on how important it was that the message did not get watered down. I share that urgent view, because its that same message that has remained the same for 75 years that saved my life & gave me hope. As simple as it seems there is a whole book actually containing the "message" of recovery that can be shared with others, carrying the message requires learning it first. So many concerns come with people who actually have not yet hit their bottoms, but I have to remember that everything is at it should be.. in addition some of those people who hear the message when they are not yet ready to stop, later know where to turn when they are. In the end I suppose that tolerance & love wins over all and that keeping the message in tact as the founders made it is the primary objective after carrying it on to the next alcoholic. The message is not broken so lets not fix it just yet. So with this I will carry what little I know on to the next who will hear it... Good Night.. Good Morning,... <3 Jimmy
When something isn't broken, it doesn't need fixing. In relationship to the meeting, this topic arouse in the terms of carrying the message. The ways in which the 12 Steps are presented from one alcoholic to another have been the same for 75 years. So has the message in regaurds to there being a lasting solution to the disease of alcoholism. Because of the number of courts, agencies, & rehabilitation centers constantly force feeding people into the 12 Step fellowships when they do not want to be there, the message & the way one alcoholic reaches another has changed & become challenging. In the past decades alcoholics & addicts found the fellowships because they had hit bottoms so low that they were finally convinced they had to do something different. When the message was heard & someone showed up to a meeting they were ready to embrace change & were not going through the motions like so many others who are forced there do often.
At tonight's meeting an old timer ephasized on how important it was that the message did not get watered down. I share that urgent view, because its that same message that has remained the same for 75 years that saved my life & gave me hope. As simple as it seems there is a whole book actually containing the "message" of recovery that can be shared with others, carrying the message requires learning it first. So many concerns come with people who actually have not yet hit their bottoms, but I have to remember that everything is at it should be.. in addition some of those people who hear the message when they are not yet ready to stop, later know where to turn when they are. In the end I suppose that tolerance & love wins over all and that keeping the message in tact as the founders made it is the primary objective after carrying it on to the next alcoholic. The message is not broken so lets not fix it just yet. So with this I will carry what little I know on to the next who will hear it... Good Night.. Good Morning,... <3 Jimmy
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