Self Will? - Turning It Over

October 29. Hello friends & my growing family. I felt inspired to write tonight, hoping that this inspiration lasts through the week & the oncoming winter months. I also hope that all of you have been well & spiritually nourished the past few days. I have had some things happen around me that have tested my ability to accept things the past week or so. I have struggled with seeing the difference between my will & that of my higher power, as selfishness & my disease go hand in hand. I am ever grateful for my sobriety, and it allowing me to have a clear enough mind to handle what comes my way today. Sometimes handling all of it is done through the help of others, sometimes through faith in my higher power & hope that all will work out for me as it has for others. Whatever the means, I am grateful for the 12 Steps, the fellowship, and all the tools passed on to me by so many already effectively using them in their lives. Spiritual growth & practices being something I have just kept going barely in my life, I am feeling a time more than ever to try to plug into more outlets & find more wellness that the world has to over. Staying connected to a power source of positivity & spiritual principles is a definite must as things continue to change & occur around me. Life doesn't stop so that I can just get well, some days this is more evident than others.

Tonight I would like to write about the topic of "Will", more clearly my "Higher Power's Will". It is when I take my will into my own hands that I often suffer the most. I am a mere human, with selfish & imperfect will. Often I wish great things to someone in the form of me being in their lives, how selfish a wish. I want things in business to go a certain way, again my will be done. I may never understand what my higher power has planned when things go a certain way, but I don't need to understand it. I need only not resist what is happening. In my life, relationships with others, business, and even my recovery. All of the thigns that happen as a result of my own selfish disease taking my will back will accordingly bring misery most of the time if not all of the time. It's when I become more & more able to let my will go, and let my higher power's will be done, that I will be more at peace with myself, and the universe around me. One of the coined sayings that goes around the fellowships involves a certain name for the higher power that we often resist.. I will repeat that name for the sake of passing on a good statement, not to create any arguments or sway anyone's beliefs. "Let Go & Let God." That one statement, so powerful & helpful in so many recovering alcoholics' lives. What it means to me is this, that I must let go of my selfish will and let go of my desire to be right or gain, and let my higher power's will be done. That letting go, allows us to hold onto our sobriety for one more moment, day, or event in our lives. This has been instrumental in my sobriety so many times, I have lost count.

When we are able to practice letting go of our self will, we get better at it, little by little. It may never be something we can perfect, I have not met anyone yet that has. But we can get better at it, in turn getting better in our sobriety & better spiritually. I had a few things go on since yesterday that made me wonder, why am I not getting my way, when my way feels so right? The answer is simple, the universe does not hinge on my will, it does so on that of my higher power. Our own lives are influenced by our selfish will, sometimes those around us are also affected as well, whats most important is though, that we do not hold onto things that don't go our way. We need to let go of these things, and let our higher power take care of what happens next. If we do the opposite & hold on, its only a matter of time before our self will can take us to a dark & dangerous place that lacks the spirituality we need to survive soberly. Today I do not have the desire to drink or use drugs, I can only pray that tomorrow will be the same. My chances are greater if I do not clutch self will in my hands until the life I love today is torn away from me. The great things I would love to see & experience in my life may not come in the forms I recognize them, and missing out on something or someone does not mean it will not one day come. It will come by practicing the will of my higher power through acceptance instead of selfishly fighting for my own every chance I see fit. Some battles will be lost at the negotiating table, some events won't go as I hoped or planned, but I can always turn it over & have one more day sober. That is something that is my will, and my higher power's will, and we can agree on that one thing today. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy