Positive Perspective & Spirituality

December 13. Hello friends, I have not written since I posted my angel story for my grandmother & I have missed you all. I took the day of the funeral off of work & spent it with family, things had gone so much smoother than I had projected & expected, I want to thank my Higher Power for that especially. I started this week out today with a positive outlook, last week not only contained a great loss in my family life but also in my business as sales were discouragingly low. "This is a whole new week, lets make the best of what I have". That was my mentality waking up this morning, running a few minutes late out the door & for once I was not stressing much over it. My cousin & his wife were waiting at my shop for me to arrive & bought some christmas presents, this added to my positive frame of mind & started my day off with a sale. Maybe a good day is just hard to ruin, or maybe my spiritual condition contributed to it all, I won't claim to know that answer but I do know that things got better as the hours past. Night came & things slowed down, mom came to get me & take me to my MARS Group like any other Monday night. We got there early & sat a few minutes talking then friends w/ the keys to the church showed up so we could get together inside. Only 4 of us showed up & that was just fine, it allowed us all some time to share extra bits of our lives the past week. Looking back on the week, somehow I survived all the sadness & madness of both my family & business losses. It felt good to know that regaurdless of what may be unexpected or unwanted in my life, that everything that is good is still there & I can appreciate that if I am spiritual. The group adjourned & I stopped at my homegroup for a few minutes. At the end they gave me a card in support to our family for our loss of Grandma, its contents a heartfelt message & a gift that could never have been expected. My father was overcome with a warm smile of love & my mother cried tears of joy for their compassion & kindness, my skin tingled looking up from the back seat of the car at the two of them. I got home & needed to write & share my day.

Today the power of a positive personality was magnified by the spirituality of others & the upkeep of my own, this of course something I had nothing to do with but instead my Higher Power delivered to me with Grace. I can only share this story of today, yet another example of spiritual principles working in my life & the lives of those around me. The only choice I have today is over myself & what I do, I chose to surround myself with great people who have a great vision & goal in life. Those people surrounded me & my family with their warmth from the start of my day to the finish, I AM Grateful beyond words. I had another 'spiritual experience' today, it contained no faeries, angels, white lights or booming voices, but I cannot say it was not an act of my Higher Power working in my life today. These spiritual experiences do not happen every day, every week, or even month. I do not know when the next may enter my life, but I do know that the only way I can stand a chance to continue to feel the Grace of my Higher Power is by staying Sober & working a spiritual program in my life. The 12 Steps, fellowships that live them, and the people who my Higher Power choses to work through are all things I cannot explain successes from. I just simply chose to belief & follow, the promises of reasonable happiness & a new perspective on life coming more true everyday. Good Night. Good Morning. <3 Jimmy

A Story Of An Angel

A story of an angel.. A great woman once lived a full & far reaching life of love & compassion. She served her God without faulter & when she grew older he chose her to carry a burden of illness. The illness took her health & quality of life, despite this her God commanded her to love & she never questioned him. She continued to give what little of her self was left in that old age, looking after the helpless & the defenseless, giving warmth & nourishment to all. She spread the word of her God to all who she cared for, she would have it no other way for her Lord said to do that. When her illness got so bad that she could no longer stay home, those who she cared for got scared. Some hid in fear, some rushed to her side, some prayed in the open & others by themselves. Consistant with the world of sin, some even thought of what they may gain in her absence. The woman had touched so many lives that when the end was near there could be nothing said but of her greatness or of how hard it was to see her sick. She was a fighter, God had taught her to be a woman of HIS WORLD, she did not give in right away. There were friends to see first, hands to hold, loved ones to look in the eyes one last time. I remember feeling more proud than when my parents saw me get sober, that this woman saw me look back to her with clear eyes & tell her I love her. A woman that made everyone proud to know her, many who did nearly boasted with pride that this woman who was sick was a substantial part of their life. She TOUCHED THE WORLD for at least a moment, I am sure of it as I am sure of God himself. When a man of God was asked to pray but a needy family member, knowing her & her legacy well, he called her a "Saint". She fought for one more night after that, she lived for one more day, giving the clear signs to all who looked on that she was getting ready to leave them. If it was God or this great woman I may never know, but somehow her Love & Mercy lived on even in her death. As she died just moments before midnight, sparing all who loved her another day of worry & sadness. Her selflessness displayed with an divinely artistic departure from this world, as though to paint the final stroke of color to accent a masterpiece. I couldn't sleep, I can't even speak, so I wanted to write this True Story & share it with you. Because I Love You & want God to mold our lives that we may one day do such great things as Saint Lois The Angel of Love & Mercy.

Let Go, Let God - A Higher Power's Will

December 02. Hello friends, December is underway. The countdown to Christmas & all the other holidays is on the way. I hope everyone has a Happy Haunikah & Merry Christmas this season. With the passing of Thanksgiving I have been reflecting on all I have to be grateful for, but also my brain has been packed full of constant movement because of the grand opening of my new store. The intensity started a few weeks ago when the work began on the new location & has shifted into a stringent schedule of running the shop then making meetings for my spiritual health afterwards. I seem to be holding up rather well, but emotionally there are some things going on under the surface that I could use some help with from my Higher Power. I'll begin w/ my love live, not to be too personal, but I am trying to have one eventually. A few options or avenues have presented themselves to me & I cannot see a clear "good thing" for me to go after as of yet, but I haven't exactly been able to explore anywhere past phone conversations with any of my friends as recent bombardment of responsibility & spiritual work. I am dealing with this okay, but have a lot of wonder in my mind which can be harmful to my disease's recovery process. Next I am balancing emotions about family, with my Grandmother being very ill from the Cancer & a countless amount of other health problems, I have been in denial of alot of my emotions & reality. Yesterday I had my monthly doctors visit, I didn't want to stay long because I had to visit my grandmother because she was awake & conscious to talk to.. I had much I wanted to say. I ended having to stay twice as long as I had hope, but I luckily accepted it & turned it over to my Higher Power as what must be right at the moment, feeling a little resentful about it though & asking for it to take it away from me immediately. That helped too somehow. I checked on my shop, meeting a customer & making a quick sale then closing up officially for the night so I could go see Gram. When I got there I was crushed, to see her in the condition I did was painful & sadenning to the depth of my soul. I swallowed down that despair & raised my voice to an upbeat tone, telling my Nanna that I love her so much & I wanted to come see her. I grabbed her hand & rubbed it for around 20 mintues while nurses were in & out to do bloodwork & check vitals etc. I stared her over, as she nodded to my questions & pointed occasionally to some things she wanted to point out. She could not talk as tubes were down her throat to vent her weakened lungs. So much was hurting me, I could not stay long, my stomache was empty & suddenly got a sharp pitted pain that I think was brought through by stress without dinner. I needed to go have some reflection time & to take a break from the shop further, so I went to play cards & see friends, picking up my spirits a little bit more. Later I went to an old friends house & tried to stay distracted, which helped a bit more. So where did that leave me.

I was struggling with "Lettin Go & Letting God have control of the situations & my acceptance". If it's will was for Gram to pass, then so it is, if its for her to rebound then all the merrier. I had to come to peace w/ that & I prayed, deep & hard. Pleading for the family in tearing pains to be relieved of those & enlightened by his Grace in knowing that if she were spared life tomorrow her pain would be over. If she were to survive further & do so in relative comfort then bring on the miracle. I have prepared for neither the best nor worst, but simply to be accepting of what God has Willed for her healthy & life & also for what the family's independant reactions would be. The fellowship & the 12 Steps are teaching me how to do this, through little lessons & practices prior to this, as well as talking to my sponsor & sober friends about it I have come to peace somewhat with what is to come, good or bad. I have gotten the opportunity to tell her while she was coherent that I love her so very much & that she is MY NANNY. That I want her to feel better & I am praying for her. She is my favorite woman aside from my own mother, who I would not have without her to begin with. The chain of love is well connected in my immediate family & we will all have to re-weld those chains should her's shatter in this mortla world, but I am up to the task. If I may be the only one stable enough to do it, then I will, if not then another will be there to step up, that is how my higher power works today. If I can just let the resutls & outcome be up to my Higher Power, then all will be fine in the end, even if i don't see it for some time. Let Go, Let God. My Higher Power's Will is what I must seek & follow, to adopt as my own & be one with this universe as I was meant to be in growing as a spiritual being. That being when it leaves my body will too hopefully comfort others one day. To my Gram & God, I have let go, but not let go of hope & miracles. I will return so long as your awake to hear me tell you again that I love you. Your are my every example of selfless love that proves in all her works & relationships through life. She is a woman of Faith, and that faith will deliver her to the grandest stage of rewards & recognition before my Higher Power one day. That is my belief, & my beliefs are reality to me. That is all i need to rest easy tonight. Knowing one more dya wiht her is a miracle, as one more day sober is as well. We live for today, hope for tomorrow, and learn from yesterday's mistakes. So Here's to tomorrow when it gets here. I have made it through today by Letting Go.. thank you my Higher Power, Gram, Mom & Dad, Sisters & family.. I love you all without ceasation until my last breath & beyond in spirit. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy