June 08. Hey guys & girls, Tuesday is coming to an end & another 24 hours sober is accumulating in my life. When you stop counting days & start living in today, just staying sober one day at a time & growing spiritually one step at a time, life starts to become more peaceful. I was up early from lack of sleep & a few bad dreams, so I decided to stay up until mom left to follow her for the weekly gas fill-up. She headed off for the day & I came back home to try & rest. I ended up turning on the tv (the satelite was broken this morning & I had to fix it at 7AM) to watch something as I settled in. I got into watching a program that I was very interested in & before I knew it I was awake another 4 hours. Finally I got to sleep & more dreams woke me up. Mom came home & I took another shot at a powernap, this time making it until dinner was ready. Shortly after it was time to clean up & head out to my usual meeting. I got there & a girl brought up a topic that I wanted to speak about tonight. Afterwards I spent an hour with a friend in the parking lot, sometimes the meeting after the meeting is the most spiritually rewarding. On this day it was both that were equally valuable to my sober & spiritual growth.
The topic at the meeting was obtaining your "Inner Peace" & how vital & easy it can be for lasting happiness in life. It talked about how peace is not simply quiet & calm times, but a state of existance that is assuring, relaxing, and enjoyable even in the most volitile environments. I immediately associated this concept with the Serenity Prayer & the entire concept of having serenity in my life. Its something that must be worked for & in many cases that I must let go of many things to achieve. The 12 Steps are helping me do that & most days at least for an hour I feel that sense of Serenity or Inner Peace in my life. I can only imagine that with more work & the application of further spiritual principles in all my affairs, that one day I will experience a solid & continuous presence of peace & serenity in my life. If I aim for that goal, I can only accomplish more & fall short a mostly happy man in life. Which would be miles above the bar I had set during active addiciton, which was to die a pathetic death to end my suffering.
"The Search For Serenity" is the bottom line, and it's also a book written by Presnall. The front cover of that book says 'A Helpful Guide For Anyone Seeking Peace of Mind In This Troubled World Of Tensions - Pressures - Fears'. I am not sure if a manual can describe all the methods for me being free of those gloom & doom parts of me, but it can certainly give me tools to work with my higher power to be rid of them eventually. I see so many who have completed the Steps & worked on themselves in a state of peace & serenity with themselves, their higher power, and the world around them. It is that exact state they live in that gives me hope that I too can achieve it. When I say the Serenity Prayer I daily ask my higher power to grant me Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom. All for the sake of being a better individual, not for selfish reasons, but to do it's work & help other human beings.
I believe that if my goal is Serenity, and it is granted in turn for being of service & help to others, than the way to get Peace in my life is to do just that.. help & serve others in a manner that my higher power would have me. I must turn my selfish ambitions & rampant will run wild over to my higher power, and take on it's will that is pure, calming, and peaceful. When I eliminate my self-seeking defects, all that exists is for others in this world, the more I can be without them, the more worldly & peaceful I can be. So the 12 Steps become ever more necessary in my life, because without them & my higher power I cannot be rid of all those bondages of self. So when we are looking for peace at the end of the day, let us all look to others for it, to look within ourself for happiness & serenity we will only find it when we are rid of self & truly doing our Higher Power's work for others. May your life be filled with Joy, Peace, & Serenity. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Family Recovery - We Don't Do This Alone
June 07. A happy & peaceful monday night to you all, friends! I hope the week started well for everyone. I couldn't have asked for a better day, any 24 hours that I live without a drink or a drug is far better than my best day high or drunk. I am glad that I can see that today without a shadow of any doubt. It was officially my nephew's 5th birthday today & since I could not make his party yesterday because of work, I took him & his sister out for ice cream before my meeting tonight. They both had a great time & I think I enjoyed it more than them. There is no pleasure better than bringing pleasure to others, except maybe when everyone is happy with the results. After a great visit with them & big hugs it was time to go. I got to the meeting at MARS Group & our normal friend who runs the group was late, so I took the reins & started the meeting. Midway through the introductory readings she arrived & it was business as usual for the remainder of the meeting. Alot of good topics & solutions were discussed, in the end an educating & enlightening meeting for us all.
After that I stopped to see my sponsor & a few friends, dropped a guy off who needed a ride, and came home to my parents watching a movie about the woman who started Al-Anon. Seeing them watching it was a beautiful sight, the more awareness & education they have about alcoholism & how far it really reaches is very important. The disease does not just afflict the alcoholic, but the families, friends, employers, and all who encounter them on all levels. Some of the damage can never be fixed, but those who are open to learn more can also learn spiritually how to be forgiving, understanding, and do alot less enabling should a person fall victim again. It's so important that there be people out there spreading the word, not only to alcoholics, but to family & friends as well. The solutions do not only work in addict's life, but in all people's lives who will recieve them.
I am forever grateful for the founders of the 12 Step fellowships, those who started Al-Anon & the road of recovery for family & friends of alcoholics, and any who share the message of hope & strength with others. Without them many would be hopeless, because truth is if we are not alcoholic ourselves we at least know a few who are. Without understanding of the disease & how it works we cannot learn to forgive them as they recover, nor how to stop enabling them if they do not. The insight from programs that help families & friends have saved people from divorce, abuse, and from spiritual blockages in their life. It can change the whole perspective of things, almost opening the door to another dimension of understanding. How would it feel if we went through this world being understood by no one, but having no one else in advocacy of our situation, our composition, of anything that makes us who we are or were. We would have no reason for our poorest actions & no purpose for our best ones.
In recovery I have come to identify many in my life who are spiritually sick, alcoholic, co-dependant, or bear some form of spiritual hardships that make them less of the person they could, should, and want to be. It is through the many who carry the message to not only the sick & suffering but the family, friends, and others afflicted that make it possible to understand & heal along side the one's absorbed. So much clicks in my mind having an understanding of the why, how, and such causes for so many mistakes that not only I myself, but others have made in spiritual bankrupted moments in my life & theirs. I am so much happier today living sober & spiritual & so many others can be too. If we are willing to learn, accept, and apply spiritual principles as well as the lessons of truth about alcohlism & other spiritual diseases we can be happier than ever before with less than we've ever had. From the kitchens & living rooms of the homes of other addicts & alcoholics to the ears and eyes of the whole world.. carry that message with you to others. You never know who's life you may change for the better. Thanks. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
After that I stopped to see my sponsor & a few friends, dropped a guy off who needed a ride, and came home to my parents watching a movie about the woman who started Al-Anon. Seeing them watching it was a beautiful sight, the more awareness & education they have about alcoholism & how far it really reaches is very important. The disease does not just afflict the alcoholic, but the families, friends, employers, and all who encounter them on all levels. Some of the damage can never be fixed, but those who are open to learn more can also learn spiritually how to be forgiving, understanding, and do alot less enabling should a person fall victim again. It's so important that there be people out there spreading the word, not only to alcoholics, but to family & friends as well. The solutions do not only work in addict's life, but in all people's lives who will recieve them.
I am forever grateful for the founders of the 12 Step fellowships, those who started Al-Anon & the road of recovery for family & friends of alcoholics, and any who share the message of hope & strength with others. Without them many would be hopeless, because truth is if we are not alcoholic ourselves we at least know a few who are. Without understanding of the disease & how it works we cannot learn to forgive them as they recover, nor how to stop enabling them if they do not. The insight from programs that help families & friends have saved people from divorce, abuse, and from spiritual blockages in their life. It can change the whole perspective of things, almost opening the door to another dimension of understanding. How would it feel if we went through this world being understood by no one, but having no one else in advocacy of our situation, our composition, of anything that makes us who we are or were. We would have no reason for our poorest actions & no purpose for our best ones.
In recovery I have come to identify many in my life who are spiritually sick, alcoholic, co-dependant, or bear some form of spiritual hardships that make them less of the person they could, should, and want to be. It is through the many who carry the message to not only the sick & suffering but the family, friends, and others afflicted that make it possible to understand & heal along side the one's absorbed. So much clicks in my mind having an understanding of the why, how, and such causes for so many mistakes that not only I myself, but others have made in spiritual bankrupted moments in my life & theirs. I am so much happier today living sober & spiritual & so many others can be too. If we are willing to learn, accept, and apply spiritual principles as well as the lessons of truth about alcohlism & other spiritual diseases we can be happier than ever before with less than we've ever had. From the kitchens & living rooms of the homes of other addicts & alcoholics to the ears and eyes of the whole world.. carry that message with you to others. You never know who's life you may change for the better. Thanks. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Do Right - By Any & All?
June 06. Well friends my long weekend is over & it wasn't all that bad, I hope yours was good too. Business was steady but of course some expenses came up to dip into profits, but then again I have a goal of having "too much" merchandise for my available space. Until I reach that I am willing to sacrifice profits to keep adding more items. The new displays were well recieved by all my customers & they simply looked beautiful. In alot of ways its whats been missing form the setup for a long time, but the opportunity to get them at the right price wasn't available until recently. I really have to thank my parents for making it all happen. They have been there to help me get my start in this, to help me break of from partners & go solo, and recently to help me take advantage of the hundreds of dollars worth of displays for a fraction of the price. Without them I would really be struggling right now, who knows maybe I would not be where I am spiritually or mentally without their love & support in all I do. The reason I have that support in my life now that was missing in the past is because today I "Do Right By Any & All". That includes my higher power, friends, family, customers, and even complete strangers.
There was a time when I could not always "Do Right", I had been under the command of my deadly & debilitating alcoholism. It would cause me to do only for myself, or what I felt was right for myself. That most often would mean to take advantage of other people's time, money, and emotions so that I could get drunk or high and feed my growing addiction. I have stolen & justified it in my mind because the active craving in my body & mind said I "needed" it. I have lied to protect & keep secret my disease, like a person lies about someone they are dating to keep the relationship from being destroyed or damaged by others, we often see this in teenage relationships when parents say "you can't date her/him". I have cheated & broken every rule, pushed every boundry to the limit & even broke through many just to acquire what was necessary to feed my addiction, just to feel worth living for the few short moments or hours the intoxication lasted. All of the despicable things & more were done for the sake of my disease,the whole time an inner part of me wanted to do right & suffering as something & someone else ran the life I didn't know how to live.
Today put my best effort forward I work hard, through the principles in the 12 Steps & countless suggestions from spiritual people I admire. I will continue to take up this challenge of lasting change even when it comes as a struggle, for doing the right thing allows my conscience to rest completely. Although my mind may be put to the test to do what was abnormal for the past 14 years my heart & conscience instantly approve of the process. There is a satisfaction that only constant effort can produce when it comes to "Doing Right". It doesn't come the first time, or the hundreth time, but it comes & once it does it occurs all the time. The gratitude I have for my higher power not only because of it's helping me, but also showing me what it means to do right, is an immeasurable amount of gratitude. Its as immeasurable as my will today to do good in a world which I once took for granted in all aspects. So when we have the opportunity to "Do Right By Any & All" will we? Even if the promise of joy & gratitude is not fullfilled will we still blindly take on the task of doing good or will we represent selfishness & the likes of alcohlism, addiction, and exactly what is the wrong way to live. Thanks for bloggging in.. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
There was a time when I could not always "Do Right", I had been under the command of my deadly & debilitating alcoholism. It would cause me to do only for myself, or what I felt was right for myself. That most often would mean to take advantage of other people's time, money, and emotions so that I could get drunk or high and feed my growing addiction. I have stolen & justified it in my mind because the active craving in my body & mind said I "needed" it. I have lied to protect & keep secret my disease, like a person lies about someone they are dating to keep the relationship from being destroyed or damaged by others, we often see this in teenage relationships when parents say "you can't date her/him". I have cheated & broken every rule, pushed every boundry to the limit & even broke through many just to acquire what was necessary to feed my addiction, just to feel worth living for the few short moments or hours the intoxication lasted. All of the despicable things & more were done for the sake of my disease,the whole time an inner part of me wanted to do right & suffering as something & someone else ran the life I didn't know how to live.
Today put my best effort forward I work hard, through the principles in the 12 Steps & countless suggestions from spiritual people I admire. I will continue to take up this challenge of lasting change even when it comes as a struggle, for doing the right thing allows my conscience to rest completely. Although my mind may be put to the test to do what was abnormal for the past 14 years my heart & conscience instantly approve of the process. There is a satisfaction that only constant effort can produce when it comes to "Doing Right". It doesn't come the first time, or the hundreth time, but it comes & once it does it occurs all the time. The gratitude I have for my higher power not only because of it's helping me, but also showing me what it means to do right, is an immeasurable amount of gratitude. Its as immeasurable as my will today to do good in a world which I once took for granted in all aspects. So when we have the opportunity to "Do Right By Any & All" will we? Even if the promise of joy & gratitude is not fullfilled will we still blindly take on the task of doing good or will we represent selfishness & the likes of alcohlism, addiction, and exactly what is the wrong way to live. Thanks for bloggging in.. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Saturday, June 5, 2010
June 05. Hey friends, its early Saturday morning & I have to go run my store in a few hours. That isn't stopping me though from logging in to share my spiritual experiences & trials for the day. I constantly find this outlet to be more than relief even after the longest days. Although I may not sleep much yet, I do sleep better knowing that I have put my journey down as words. I went out in the morning with my cousin then relaxed for about an hour before going to meet a friend for a deposit on merchandise. By the time I got back I had about another half hour before it was time for our typical friday dinner out with mom & dad. Although they botched the pizza tonight, which is unusual for the place, the time spent was still as great as ever. Afterwards I went to my home group meeting early, I was the chairman for the meeting & had to set up & make coffee etc. Some regular group members showed up & the task was made much simpler as they were eager to help. Service work is something that many of us, who are commited to sober & spiritual living, jump on in a heartbeat.
The meeting went on & we did a reading on the sixth tradition, which wasn't talked about much after because someone had a problem with "carrying the message" & how far of lengths one should go. I related to the topic because altough there are many I would like to help, I cannot do everything for most or mostly everything. In the end it matters how spiritually & mentally fed up a perosn must before they change or seek solutions, we simply cannot control that only guide it when willingness is shown. That however is not my main topic, I had been lost in thought from the middle of the topic discussion to the conclusion of the meeting. I had truly had be "shrunk" spiritually & in confidence of my capabilities toward helping another. Doubt & a mere mild form of contentment was all that seemed to rest on my shoulders, that was until I got outside myself & realized that I can do something about it, like I can all my other spiritual ailments.
So I had decided up on closing up the meeting & building we hold it in, I would go for a ride, my mission to sort through these feelings and accept their roots individually. I drove for a few hour exploring my mind, clustered with feelings of powerlessness over certain others I with to help. But there as also a glint of gratitdue for what I was able to accomplish through others just trying to help me. Ever convinced after a short time that it's not worrk tthing up at alom
The meeting went on & we did a reading on the sixth tradition, which wasn't talked about much after because someone had a problem with "carrying the message" & how far of lengths one should go. I related to the topic because altough there are many I would like to help, I cannot do everything for most or mostly everything. In the end it matters how spiritually & mentally fed up a perosn must before they change or seek solutions, we simply cannot control that only guide it when willingness is shown. That however is not my main topic, I had been lost in thought from the middle of the topic discussion to the conclusion of the meeting. I had truly had be "shrunk" spiritually & in confidence of my capabilities toward helping another. Doubt & a mere mild form of contentment was all that seemed to rest on my shoulders, that was until I got outside myself & realized that I can do something about it, like I can all my other spiritual ailments.
So I had decided up on closing up the meeting & building we hold it in, I would go for a ride, my mission to sort through these feelings and accept their roots individually. I drove for a few hour exploring my mind, clustered with feelings of powerlessness over certain others I with to help. But there as also a glint of gratitdue for what I was able to accomplish through others just trying to help me. Ever convinced after a short time that it's not worrk tthing up at alom
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Daily Reflection - Looking Back For The Right Reasons
June 03. Hey my friends hope you all had a peaceful & happy thursday. My day was just fine but I didn't feel great early in the morning hours. Since I lost sleep I later slept in, but around 5AM my Dad woke up for work. Upon investigation & hearing a noise he ran outside, only to find that the pump in the Coi Pond was blocked & had pumped all the water out overnight. To a sad discovery there lay the fish with their bodies exposed to the open night air, heads barely buried in an inch or two of water that was left. These fish are large, no huge fish, bigger than any I've caught in my years fishing. They are not only great pets & loved by all who see them, they are innocent animals that were caught in an unfortunate situation of mechanical failure. We immediately started putting water back in via the garden hose in hopes to save the poor creatures, one moved slightly & the rest seemed to be all but gone. I truly said a prayer, knowing how much my dad's heart would hurt & how devestated my mom would be after raising these from small babies. God must have heard my cries & answered, perhaps a thanks to the good things I've been doing lately, because the fish came out of their unconsious state & began to swim.
That was my morning, in the end the fish were fine & my prayers were answered. My mom upon waking up initially did not even know of the happening as my Dad & I took care of it as to not worry her prematurely. I slept in and later my nephew & niece showed up to be babysat. I was up & getting ready to shower as my mom was leaving to take them home, when I got out my dad was arriving & it was time to eat & leave for my meeting. I had forgotten that I wanted to be early to do some group Librarian work, but after a great meeting with a good speaker I eneded up staying late & getting it done anyway. So now I am home, reflecting on the day & a few important things I noticed about it. Everything that comes to mind tonight is a reminder for me of how it was & how much I've changed.
In those many years of addiction, I not only would not have rushed out to help my dad with the pond, I would not have really cared if the poor fish died. My mother's & father's feelins would not have been a concnern, because the little things in life were oblivious to me. I had no concept of what mattered to people & nothing small made a difference for me in my own life so I was unable to see a concept of simple pleasures. Everything was a complex & corrupting process of intoxication for pleasure & the numbing of feelings, even love & compassion. Today I have undergone a change, all thanks to Sober & Spiritual living, as well thanks to my Higher Power whom I pray to often. Its these changes in me that tell me every day when I wake up that I can stay sober for just one more day, afterall I have overcome the phenominon of craving & the obsession in early Sobriety for the most part. I often look back at the clueless & selfish addict/alcoholic I was & wonder how I even got there, with so much feeling & life in me today its hard to see how it happened. But I get small clues, that lead me to the answers.
Those answers really aren't necessary and I can't dwell on them, but it is surely nice to gain enlightenment & know more. The most important thing is that I truly love myself for who I am today, the often helpful & definitely caring person I have become. The little things seem a little more obvious, I no longer only pay attention to other's deepest pleasures on to to fulfill my own. Today I care about others as much as I care about myself, sometimes even more. I know that without Sobriety in my life & Spiritual Lines in which to grow upon, this is all but a temporary phase of my life. If I want it to continue & last forever then I must continue to work the 12 Steps in my life daily & to connect with & help others, even non-alcohlics. If I can die one day being known for something, it would be someone who overcame the odds & changed for the better of living life with & for others to find the happiness I have found. Call me an advocate of the peace within, or a sponsor of spirituality, I wish the life I have today on all, when the life I had before I would not curse on my worst enemy. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
That was my morning, in the end the fish were fine & my prayers were answered. My mom upon waking up initially did not even know of the happening as my Dad & I took care of it as to not worry her prematurely. I slept in and later my nephew & niece showed up to be babysat. I was up & getting ready to shower as my mom was leaving to take them home, when I got out my dad was arriving & it was time to eat & leave for my meeting. I had forgotten that I wanted to be early to do some group Librarian work, but after a great meeting with a good speaker I eneded up staying late & getting it done anyway. So now I am home, reflecting on the day & a few important things I noticed about it. Everything that comes to mind tonight is a reminder for me of how it was & how much I've changed.
In those many years of addiction, I not only would not have rushed out to help my dad with the pond, I would not have really cared if the poor fish died. My mother's & father's feelins would not have been a concnern, because the little things in life were oblivious to me. I had no concept of what mattered to people & nothing small made a difference for me in my own life so I was unable to see a concept of simple pleasures. Everything was a complex & corrupting process of intoxication for pleasure & the numbing of feelings, even love & compassion. Today I have undergone a change, all thanks to Sober & Spiritual living, as well thanks to my Higher Power whom I pray to often. Its these changes in me that tell me every day when I wake up that I can stay sober for just one more day, afterall I have overcome the phenominon of craving & the obsession in early Sobriety for the most part. I often look back at the clueless & selfish addict/alcoholic I was & wonder how I even got there, with so much feeling & life in me today its hard to see how it happened. But I get small clues, that lead me to the answers.
Those answers really aren't necessary and I can't dwell on them, but it is surely nice to gain enlightenment & know more. The most important thing is that I truly love myself for who I am today, the often helpful & definitely caring person I have become. The little things seem a little more obvious, I no longer only pay attention to other's deepest pleasures on to to fulfill my own. Today I care about others as much as I care about myself, sometimes even more. I know that without Sobriety in my life & Spiritual Lines in which to grow upon, this is all but a temporary phase of my life. If I want it to continue & last forever then I must continue to work the 12 Steps in my life daily & to connect with & help others, even non-alcohlics. If I can die one day being known for something, it would be someone who overcame the odds & changed for the better of living life with & for others to find the happiness I have found. Call me an advocate of the peace within, or a sponsor of spirituality, I wish the life I have today on all, when the life I had before I would not curse on my worst enemy. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Compelled - When The Spirit Takes Over
June 02. Wednesday is almost gone & I am over the hump in the middle of the week. I accomplished alot today in both social & spiritual fields, I feel much has grown in this 24 hours sober. One day at a time & its working. I woke up early to meet my mom & fill up the gas tank, my 4yr old nephew pumped it for me. Afterwards I drove out to meet my best friend Tommy & my cousin. After a few hours my cousin came home & we watched a movie with my mom that spiritually touched the three of us. The Book Of Eli was the title & I don't want to spoil it, so if your looking for a spiritual movie check it out. After that I caught a quick powernap, then woke up a few minutes behiind schedule & rushing to get changed. I had a commitment at CMC Hospital to run an AA meeting for alcoholic & addicted patients in the hospital. I will talk more about that meeting later, to finish my cousin came along & we went out for a little while after. I ended my night dropping him off & watching some tv before coming home. It was a great day spent with people who are important to me, moreso than ever & an even better evening spent with strangers who I am spiritually connectd to like brothers & sisters.
When I say that I am connected to them, I reffer to the fellows at the hospital that came to the voluntary meeting. No one who showed up was forced or imposed upon to show up & there were 6 in total, 8 counting my cousin & I. I took this commitment initially as to just tag along & help my sponsor put the meeting on. It wasn't until he told me yesterday he had a conflicting event that I knew I would be the chairmam, running the meeting, instead. I was happy to take the commitment on full sail, but in the same not nervous as these were alcoholics & addicts I had never met before, say for the one kind soul who accompanied me.. my cousin. When they announced the meeting to the patients & the small room filled up with faces I suddenly became comfortable. I cannot explain where the comfort came from, I want to say it was from my higher power soothing me with the sight of other alcoholics flocking to the message.
With my nerves calmed, I had forgotten any and all things I had set out to mention. I opened the meeting according to the format that the fellowship has laid out, asking volunteers to help read the 12 Steps, Traditions, Preamble & Promises. This was all familiar to me, I have chaired 4 meetings prior to this thankfully. I did not know how I would "qualify" myself, as in what parts of my story I would tell to reveal my qualifications to chair an alcoholic recovery meeting. I didn't need any prior knowledge of how I would do it though, when the time came I simply was taken over by the spirit & began telling my story. I didn't have to decide what parts to include or leave out, it just flowed from my heart & off of my tongue. I truly believe that my higher power had used me as a tool to carry the message of hope to these still sick & suffering addicts & alcoholics, why?, because they connected to the story I told. When I concluded my story & opened the meeting to them, as it was their meeting afterall, there was no hesitation for the first to speak & share their need & desire for help.
The meeting went back & forth between the 6 patients, my cousin & myself. I somehow managed to connect with these alcoholics like my sponsor & members of my support group did with me. The miracle of the 12 Steps, or at least the seeds of its fruits, had been planted for later use if not sooner. I am inspired by the strength of the patients we met with today, no different than you or I, they have faced as many challenges if not more & have a desire to live sober today. They only need solutions to their disease as do I, the message in the end is the same. It was a great pleasure to have been of service to not only them, but the fellowship, and most importantly my Higher Power. I believe that a great part of my purpose & time left on this earth in my body is to be spent doing just as I have tried tonight, to help others in any way I can. I must always remember to put my sobriety first or I be of no use to anyone drunk or high. I will pray for these newcomers & the still sick who need another chance, may they find the same chance I did in the same 12 Steps & the people that carry that message. And may you, my friends, find the light of the spirit brightening your path today, tomorrow, & forever. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
When I say that I am connected to them, I reffer to the fellows at the hospital that came to the voluntary meeting. No one who showed up was forced or imposed upon to show up & there were 6 in total, 8 counting my cousin & I. I took this commitment initially as to just tag along & help my sponsor put the meeting on. It wasn't until he told me yesterday he had a conflicting event that I knew I would be the chairmam, running the meeting, instead. I was happy to take the commitment on full sail, but in the same not nervous as these were alcoholics & addicts I had never met before, say for the one kind soul who accompanied me.. my cousin. When they announced the meeting to the patients & the small room filled up with faces I suddenly became comfortable. I cannot explain where the comfort came from, I want to say it was from my higher power soothing me with the sight of other alcoholics flocking to the message.
With my nerves calmed, I had forgotten any and all things I had set out to mention. I opened the meeting according to the format that the fellowship has laid out, asking volunteers to help read the 12 Steps, Traditions, Preamble & Promises. This was all familiar to me, I have chaired 4 meetings prior to this thankfully. I did not know how I would "qualify" myself, as in what parts of my story I would tell to reveal my qualifications to chair an alcoholic recovery meeting. I didn't need any prior knowledge of how I would do it though, when the time came I simply was taken over by the spirit & began telling my story. I didn't have to decide what parts to include or leave out, it just flowed from my heart & off of my tongue. I truly believe that my higher power had used me as a tool to carry the message of hope to these still sick & suffering addicts & alcoholics, why?, because they connected to the story I told. When I concluded my story & opened the meeting to them, as it was their meeting afterall, there was no hesitation for the first to speak & share their need & desire for help.
The meeting went back & forth between the 6 patients, my cousin & myself. I somehow managed to connect with these alcoholics like my sponsor & members of my support group did with me. The miracle of the 12 Steps, or at least the seeds of its fruits, had been planted for later use if not sooner. I am inspired by the strength of the patients we met with today, no different than you or I, they have faced as many challenges if not more & have a desire to live sober today. They only need solutions to their disease as do I, the message in the end is the same. It was a great pleasure to have been of service to not only them, but the fellowship, and most importantly my Higher Power. I believe that a great part of my purpose & time left on this earth in my body is to be spent doing just as I have tried tonight, to help others in any way I can. I must always remember to put my sobriety first or I be of no use to anyone drunk or high. I will pray for these newcomers & the still sick who need another chance, may they find the same chance I did in the same 12 Steps & the people that carry that message. And may you, my friends, find the light of the spirit brightening your path today, tomorrow, & forever. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Keeping It Green
June 01. Hey my friends. So here we are entering June, it was this time last year that I had finally reached the bottom of my alcoholic barrel. What a spiritual & enlightening climb back out it has been for the past 11 months. I had a great day today, although the morning & afternoon was uneventful & I slept too long. I had dinner with mom & dad then got ready to leave while they fixed one of my display cases for my jewelry shop. Out the door & a few towns over I was 5 minutes late for the meeting. I didn't miss a beat thankfully & when it started someone shared first & foremost, their message was sad & a grim reminder for me. She had not only relapsed, she was also intoxicated at the meeting. In tears & fumbling for the right words she proclaimed the need for help, she had lost her way & got off track from the principles of sober & spiritual living. It was this message that keeps it "Green" or fresh in my mind & the many people afterwards who shared their love & tolerance along with their willingness to help her regain a sober life that makes the miracle of the 12 Steps & spiritual living so apparent to me.
"Keeping It Green" is something that any person trying to refrain from repeating their past must do. Its exposure to other's mistakes, newcomers who are still sick & suffering, and relapses that help do this. Some would say that not seeing this & going on with life without any exposure to alcohol or drugs would be the way, I disagree. Certainly we must avoid people, places & things that we used to fuel our disease with, we should not go hopping bars to see the effects of alcoholism first hand, but in an environment of recovery when someone comes in influenced by their disease instead of healing we get a face to face reminder of what our own lives used to be like, or could be one day if we go back to our old ways. See some of us have not hit bottoms as low as others, many people in fact have not been as desperate or hollow as I was when I came to the rooms, but the good part of it is that it's not necessary to go that low if we are thoroughly convinced we cannot go back to that life.. keeping it green through seeing others in positions we were or were heading is a great way to do that.
Aside from "Keeping It Green" we must obviously begin to change to stay away from our natural alcoholic insticts taking over in our life, we do that through the 12 Steps, Sponsorship, and taking suggestions instead of doing things our own way. Afterall our way, well I will speak for myself, MY WAY got me 14 years of addiction and almost dead enough times that I ended up screaming HELP. I am sure when I first arrived into the fellowship that I must have been a fine specimin of "Green" reminders for the veterans of recovery. I can look back in my journals & even on this blog as proof of the psychic change that has occured in me. Each day I turn it over & learn how to live this spiritual & sober life I become more well rounded & less rough around the edges so to speak. If I were to go back out that would be a true display of my self will, reminding everyone else where taking your will back will get you, keeping it fresh & green for those who were on the spiritual path.
If alcohol & drugs did not spiritually bankrupt a person a relaspe would be nothing more than a risk of one's physical health or death. But it truly affects us deep within. Those who are not alcoholic are affected for the few moments they enjoy the relaxing & intoxicating effects of the drink, but those who are addicted or alcoholic are sent into an uncontrolable spiral downward in spiritual means. That is the defining difference, that is why one drink or drug can destroy everything a sober person has worked for. In the few seconds it takes to get drunk or high we can lose what has taken us ages to build. That is something I am not willing to allow to happen in my life, that is so long as I "Keep It Green" & remain teachable, willing to help others in need, and always remember that the solution is through the constant application of spiriual principles in my life. If I don't pick up the first one I won't have to live in worry of which is my last. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
"Keeping It Green" is something that any person trying to refrain from repeating their past must do. Its exposure to other's mistakes, newcomers who are still sick & suffering, and relapses that help do this. Some would say that not seeing this & going on with life without any exposure to alcohol or drugs would be the way, I disagree. Certainly we must avoid people, places & things that we used to fuel our disease with, we should not go hopping bars to see the effects of alcoholism first hand, but in an environment of recovery when someone comes in influenced by their disease instead of healing we get a face to face reminder of what our own lives used to be like, or could be one day if we go back to our old ways. See some of us have not hit bottoms as low as others, many people in fact have not been as desperate or hollow as I was when I came to the rooms, but the good part of it is that it's not necessary to go that low if we are thoroughly convinced we cannot go back to that life.. keeping it green through seeing others in positions we were or were heading is a great way to do that.
Aside from "Keeping It Green" we must obviously begin to change to stay away from our natural alcoholic insticts taking over in our life, we do that through the 12 Steps, Sponsorship, and taking suggestions instead of doing things our own way. Afterall our way, well I will speak for myself, MY WAY got me 14 years of addiction and almost dead enough times that I ended up screaming HELP. I am sure when I first arrived into the fellowship that I must have been a fine specimin of "Green" reminders for the veterans of recovery. I can look back in my journals & even on this blog as proof of the psychic change that has occured in me. Each day I turn it over & learn how to live this spiritual & sober life I become more well rounded & less rough around the edges so to speak. If I were to go back out that would be a true display of my self will, reminding everyone else where taking your will back will get you, keeping it fresh & green for those who were on the spiritual path.
If alcohol & drugs did not spiritually bankrupt a person a relaspe would be nothing more than a risk of one's physical health or death. But it truly affects us deep within. Those who are not alcoholic are affected for the few moments they enjoy the relaxing & intoxicating effects of the drink, but those who are addicted or alcoholic are sent into an uncontrolable spiral downward in spiritual means. That is the defining difference, that is why one drink or drug can destroy everything a sober person has worked for. In the few seconds it takes to get drunk or high we can lose what has taken us ages to build. That is something I am not willing to allow to happen in my life, that is so long as I "Keep It Green" & remain teachable, willing to help others in need, and always remember that the solution is through the constant application of spiriual principles in my life. If I don't pick up the first one I won't have to live in worry of which is my last. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy
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