Daily Reflection - Looking Back For The Right Reasons

June 03. Hey my friends hope you all had a peaceful & happy thursday. My day was just fine but I didn't feel great early in the morning hours. Since I lost sleep I later slept in, but around 5AM my Dad woke up for work. Upon investigation & hearing a noise he ran outside, only to find that the pump in the Coi Pond was blocked & had pumped all the water out overnight. To a sad discovery there lay the fish with their bodies exposed to the open night air, heads barely buried in an inch or two of water that was left. These fish are large, no huge fish, bigger than any I've caught in my years fishing. They are not only great pets & loved by all who see them, they are innocent animals that were caught in an unfortunate situation of mechanical failure. We immediately started putting water back in via the garden hose in hopes to save the poor creatures, one moved slightly & the rest seemed to be all but gone. I truly said a prayer, knowing how much my dad's heart would hurt & how devestated my mom would be after raising these from small babies. God must have heard my cries & answered, perhaps a thanks to the good things I've been doing lately, because the fish came out of their unconsious state & began to swim.

That was my morning, in the end the fish were fine & my prayers were answered. My mom upon waking up initially did not even know of the happening as my Dad & I took care of it as to not worry her prematurely. I slept in and later my nephew & niece showed up to be babysat. I was up & getting ready to shower as my mom was leaving to take them home, when I got out my dad was arriving & it was time to eat & leave for my meeting. I had forgotten that I wanted to be early to do some group Librarian work, but after a great meeting with a good speaker I eneded up staying late & getting it done anyway. So now I am home, reflecting on the day & a few important things I noticed about it. Everything that comes to mind tonight is a reminder for me of how it was & how much I've changed.

In those many years of addiction, I not only would not have rushed out to help my dad with the pond, I would not have really cared if the poor fish died. My mother's & father's feelins would not have been a concnern, because the little things in life were oblivious to me. I had no concept of what mattered to people & nothing small made a difference for me in my own life so I was unable to see a concept of simple pleasures. Everything was a complex & corrupting process of intoxication for pleasure & the numbing of feelings, even love & compassion. Today I have undergone a change, all thanks to Sober & Spiritual living, as well thanks to my Higher Power whom I pray to often. Its these changes in me that tell me every day when I wake up that I can stay sober for just one more day, afterall I have overcome the phenominon of craving & the obsession in early Sobriety for the most part. I often look back at the clueless & selfish addict/alcoholic I was & wonder how I even got there, with so much feeling & life in me today its hard to see how it happened. But I get small clues, that lead me to the answers.

Those answers really aren't necessary and I can't dwell on them, but it is surely nice to gain enlightenment & know more. The most important thing is that I truly love myself for who I am today, the often helpful & definitely caring person I have become. The little things seem a little more obvious, I no longer only pay attention to other's deepest pleasures on to to fulfill my own. Today I care about others as much as I care about myself, sometimes even more. I know that without Sobriety in my life & Spiritual Lines in which to grow upon, this is all but a temporary phase of my life. If I want it to continue & last forever then I must continue to work the 12 Steps in my life daily & to connect with & help others, even non-alcohlics. If I can die one day being known for something, it would be someone who overcame the odds & changed for the better of living life with & for others to find the happiness I have found. Call me an advocate of the peace within, or a sponsor of spirituality, I wish the life I have today on all, when the life I had before I would not curse on my worst enemy. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy