A Lonely Valentine Is A Lucky One?

Feb 14. Hey everybody hope your day was spent with the warmest hearts. Being Valentine's Day I wanted to write specifically about it. In past years I either spent the day with a girlfriend and the years I didn't have one I became so depressed and distant. The feeling of being alone wasn't just the years I had no valentine though. During my addiction the years I was with someone I felt alone too. One of the common traits we often share in alcoholism/addiction is that even in a room full of people we often feel alone inside. The only thing that would cure this lonliness was drugs & drinks. Always forgetting that the numb would eventually wear off and the feelings return, I made this my primary coping skill because of my unhappiness.

As my first sober Valentine's Day in over a decade I was caught up taking myself back into the past. Getting my head overrun by alot of "what if's?" about particular people I had been romantic with in the past. I also gave thought to some whom I had interest in more recently since I achieved Sobriety. Any of us who didn't marry our childhood sweetheart have a good chance of knowing how being single on the holiday can be to your mind. Seeing other couples as they bought jewelry from my shop even carried the message further in my head, "The normal thing is to be happy and spending time with a loved one on valentine's". Thats the depressing thought my alcoholic mind wanted to keep in the foreground.

I always try to find the solution to the problem and for an addict the problem is always directly tied to their thinking. I knew that I had to really ponder the situation I was in today and stop dwelling on it, there had to be a ray of hope for the whole lonely scenario. In the brainstorm, or in my case brainhurricane, it finally clicked. I really have nothing to be sad over. I have something great to share this holiday with and that is my Sobriety, my higher power, and opportunity. By being alone while others spent it with eachother I got an opportunity to realize one vital thing.. I am alive, Sober, and becoming the person that will one day grow to enjoy someone else without a substance or chemical to make me feel great. One day because of my willingness to be alone and sober now, I will be a part of something special for a lifetime with somebody. I could not be more thankful to have what I have this holiday, there truly is no reason for me to be sad.

The day is about love and that is something I can feel again. I can feel it like the warm rays of sunshine in the summertime. It is a love for the gifts I am given by my higher power called Sobriety & Myself. I truly am a lucky one to be a loney valentine. I can only imagine what it will feel like to be in a loving and romantic relationship with the Light of the Spirit guiding me to appreciate it for every little delight it brings. So to all who had that someone special or something special in their lives to celebrate today.. I hope you too realize how blessed you are.. and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!! Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy