The Odd Man Out

Mar 11. Hey friends, hope everyone is in a great spiritual place. I know that I continue to try to be daily. I won't give up until I am everday and can maintain that position through even the hardest of life's puzzles. Today was an interesting day, most of it was normal but near the end I came to a few conclusions. I started off at home with my mom for the morning and afternoon. Its nice not being the only one home during the day these days, as I am usually active with work-stuff on the weekends and in the 12 step program in the evenings. In the mid afternoon we went for a ride to gas my car up and I asked her to accompany me to take CJ's mom to the jewelers to drop off a ring. My only thought was, 'I hope she enjoys being out of the house'. If she didn't she said nothing of that nature so all seemed well.

Evening came and dinner too then I got ready for my evening meeting. It was a hit of a meeting and I even reconciled with a friend from some of the earliest weeks of my sobriety that was an important part of my learning to live a new way. After that meeting, I had every intention to find a friend to hang out with or do something fun with. Not a single person at the meeting was interested that I knew, they all had school in the AM or work and were off to bed. I made several phone calls to some others who were in similar situations or had their children for the night all tucked in. So it seemed if I wanted company I would have to see what the aquaintences were doing.

Out of maybe 15 people I called 8 got back to me.. all out at the bar or club having drinks. The rest did not reply or return a call. Going to a bar for anything but a band, and without another sober person was totally out of the question for my lifestyle I am trying to adopt. The thought crossed my mind of trying to just go out and meet new people. I thought of all the places in the city where social gathering might occur after 9PM on a weekday and since the last 12 step meeting was at 8PM my options were limited. It turns out that at that hour there was only one kind of place where people were gathered with the interest of new faces even being imaginable, all those places served alcohol as their primary function.

So there I sat in the car, the odd man out. I almost wanted to feel sorry for myself for being without company. I had 8 people I knew out on the town, all intoxicated, none interested in anything I was interested in. So rather than conform, I chose to vacate the city. As I drove home I started to think about how a night of drinks would change everything I have achieved thusfar in Sobriety, and how it would shift the balance that I have mentally, physically, and spritually in my life. All that chaos, at the end of the night as people stagger out of the bars.. who really is alone? When the bottom of the bottle is your last friend you see at the end of the night you have no friends, in fact you don't even have yourself. My self pity turned into gratitude, that today I have myself, my family, my real friends, and people in a fellowship of recovery that genuinely care about me. Not everyday is going to work out how I imagine, and they may not for some time to come.. but as long as I don't pick up a drink or a drug I have a chance to be the odd man out, with an even life. When I prayed tonight I didn't feel so alone anymore. Somehow everything was alright, and I got the feeling that in time my cup will flow over with friendship & fun in life, and shortly after perhaps love unimaginable. Like the love for my life today. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy