Putting Anything Else First Is Putting It Last

March 25. Hey friends, its Thursday night & I just wanted to share some things. I got motivated around noon because I had a doctors appointment which went well as they have been for the past months. My mom drove me down so I didn't have to go alone & we got a disturbing phone call about a family member. He is a dry alcoholic, not soberly working a program & healing his life. Needless to say he is a candidate for a liver transplant from cirrohsis of the liver, which nearly killed him multiple times in the past few years. Although he has not had a drink, he refuses to look at how his shortcomings still exist. He has to get an emergency surgery to replace a stint bypassing fluids thru the liver, temporarily saving his life for now. This news really is bothersome because he is close and loved by us all, and its a grim reminder of where my disease untreated will take me.

After settling this news down in my mind & thanking my higher power for my Sobriety today, we got back home. I caught a powernap because I had a meeting to be to later on. Dinner & out the door, I headed out to meet up with friends a town over. The meeting was a 1 year celebration for someone who happens to be very close to my best friend. One year of continuous Sobriety, I can only hope that my today's add up to that achievement eventually. It's quite a feat when you suffer from this disease, actually a miracle. Truth is not everyone will get sober, many will die, and some will go dry because they don't want to die. The damage from years of substances in our minds, bodies, and spirits needs treatment to be undone. That treatment I find in the rooms of the 12 step programs, through my sponsor, my support group, and the 12 steps themselves. Reliance on my higher power weighs in just as great if not more for me as well.

To settle on a topic here, its ever evident in my life that certain things can disturb my serenity. Those things that do so are often things I voluntarily let in.. relationships, work, expectations, harbored resentments. When I feel some sort of way about something, I am usually taking something personal that I have no control over. So why do I take it personal? I'm human. One mistake I never wish to make is to allow something to come before my Sobriety. If a relationship, job, emotion, or hobby takes precidence over my sobriety then I not only risk, but will certainly lose it to that which I place before it. Countless times members of the fellowship have seen it.

This truly means that in some cases people have to cut ties off with others, sometimes even divorce a spouse or leave a child to their own devices. It does not mean that love does not still pulse in one's heart for them, it means that we are nothing to and for them if we are not sober. We must protect it for when they need us most, no, when we need ourselves the most.. to be there for others and be of service to those we love. A stressful career follows the same rules, as with hobbies. If the stress, pressure, or disruption to one's serenity is great enough, we alcoholics WILL drink or drug over it. We know because its happened to us before, and if it has not and we do not head the suggestions of the successful, .. it WILL. There is no perfect adherence to these principles, the text says. But we want to grow along these spiritual lines, in so preserving our Sobriety.

So when the rubber hits the road, we can't back up. We have to move forward in Sobriety and in some cases leaving those things that refuse to change with us behind. It cannot be helped, and we will hurt from it. The mistake of holding on is comparable to grabbing a rope tied to a sinking ship and not letting go. The whole time we are drowning we can release it, let it go to our higher power and let it sink... swimming back to the surface. Spiritual fitness is something I strive for. I hope that when these tests come in the future I will be able to let go and let my higher power decide whats next. Should I become too consumed in keeping things before my Sobriety, I may not live long enough to try again. Thanks for blogging in.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy