A Thinking Disease

Mar 09. Good Morning, Afternoon, Night. For the online world I guess its all different times out there. But one thing that doesn't care what the time is.. is addiction/alcoholism. Its not just a physical, mental or spiritual disease.. its all of those and its a THINKING disease. I learn more about that everyday as I try to battle my own thinking and my old ways. Going to meetings & talking to others in recovery, as well as reading, are all preventative measures to aid in supressing old alcoholic thoughts. I still get them today, and yesterday, and tomorrow.

Monday was an off day in a few ways. I didn't feel the greatest and slept very late into the day. I kept waking up and was plagued by this ache that I can't describe. By the time I got motivated and did some things at home with my mom I felt like my day and myself were a total waste. Alcoholic thinking at its finest. I truly had a productive evening ahead that my diseased thinking would not allow me to see. I got cleaned up and ready for my evening group and was running so close to being late that I skipped dinner.

The more fellow addicts I talk to, the more I find out that I am not the only one who has a problem with positive thinking once a few off balance things occur. It seems a common thread among us that once things get going, the spiral further. It was only from the aid of a handful of great people in recovery that tonight, for a change, I was able to stop my alcoholic mind in its tracks. Before getting there I couldn't help but think that the rest of the night was going to be horrible. Thanks to positive people my mind quickly adapted.

I encourage people out there to do everything in their power to keep themselves positive. You never know when the way you present yourself or are thinking could influence another. It could make the world of difference for someone who otherwise is lost to the devices of their own mind. If we look at some of the worst thoughts we've had in our lives we can see that being in our heads can be a horrible place at times.

On a final note. The major mood changing mechanism and the one thing that releieved all tension at this meeting was Meditation. We practiced an audible, almost hypnotic, form of guided meditation. The soothing suggestions and sound of the woman's voice lulled me into a care free state. This itself PROVES to me that my mental condition is suggestive and relative to what is going on around me. If I want to steer clear of my alcoholic thinking, I need only put myself in an environment that presents the opposite. Call it a placebo effect, call it all in my head.. cuz thats what it is. Its the thinking in my head that can keep me from or lead me to a drink or drug. If its brainwashing then GOOD, my dirty alcoholic thoughts could use a little 'washing'. Thanks for taking time to listen. For now.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy