Momma's Boy - Emotional Reminders

Jan 29. Hey friends of sobriety! Thanks for giving this blog a chance once again and reading in. Today started out as an abnormal friday and boy it ended that way too. Despite the differences & a few concerns, it all worked out well in the end though. My normal friday routine is to have a fairly easy day, no commitments until late evening. The past month I have used spare time on fridays to work on my business ideas. I didn't sleep well the night before so this friday was already starting off on a long note. I rested into the late morning, usually my reading time or a project I have taken on, and nothing got done of course while my eyelids were closed.

I woke up to get ready for an off schedule doctor's appointment around 1:30. My father goes with me and to be honest, I like it that way. Its a rather far trip so we usually meet at least a half hour before if not sooner, we cut it down to the wire today & I had just enough time for a coffee before my appointment began. The doctor's was a great experience, I showed him the 'mission statement' from the new support group that a retired addiction counselor & I had started. It's the basic text we read at the beginning of each meeting, to describe who we are, why we meet, and what we do. The doctor happens to be an addiction specialist himself and he loved the thought that we created a group that accepts & helps people in recovery that rely on medication assistance to maintain their sobriety. We made the group because the other 12 step groups either look down upon, or ask that you not mention your situation at their meetings for the most part. So if you had a problem with your medication or even your doctor, who would you tell and how could you get into a solution if your asked not to mention it. Further if your looked down on for it, then shame that is not deserved starts to build and as a result people can get depressed and spiritually ill or possibly relapse.

The doctor liked the 'one page' message that we call our mission statement for the MARS group. He actually liked it so much he wanted me to explain it to a group he had going on a half hour later & so I did. After leaving phone numbers to contact myself or other group members & giving directions, he suggested why don't I leave a copy of the reading and write my phone number & location of the meeting on it. A professional addiction doctor who went through countless years of college and has countless paitents was interested in my cause enough to show it to his other patient's. Further he said if people had questions or wanted to know more he would like me to come back to his office and address organized group sessions that he has with the message. I don't make 100k+ a year, I never went to college, and I am not a spiritual leader by any means. But for some reason this doctor who helped me get sober thinks I have compiled the goods & have a contribution to help KEEP his patients sober after he GETS them sober.

Feeling not important but more like a useful tool in the box, I walked out of his office and into the car to ride home with my dad. We enjoyed some talk about it and a ton of other stuff while seeing the great view on the long ride. We got home did a few things, then I went to my friend's a mile away to see how his spiritual health was today. I don't check up on people for no reason, he is a good friend and had a terrible battle with this girlfriend to the point veins were popping from his neck the day before. With that in mind I went, he said he was fine and felt alot better because of the talk we had that day. Resting asured I went back home to wait for mom to get there so we could take part in our usual friday night feast out in town somewhere. When mom got home she was sick as a dog, she had caught a bug and was coughing so hard. She worked all day like that, exhausting herself like the warrior mom she has always been. My dad was very concerned and she was not well enough so we called off dinner. It really helped me to realize that its not always about me, sometimes others are sick or unwell in their own ways and need help. My moment of glory from the doctors office was over for the time being, mom needed rest & dad's help.

I substituded my usual night out for dinner with my sister, finding out later that my dad had to make an emergency run to the pharmacy to get my mom medicine. I am like my father in so many ways and a huge one is that we both love that woman with all our hearts & we both get nervous near the unkown. My sister assured me that nothing other than her catching ill was amiss so I went on with my night to see friends from recovery like every other friday. I wanted so badly to share my achievement of promoting the new group, but my biggest fan.. aka mom didn't need my bragging, if I stay sober today then there is always tomorrow. I held my tounge when I called her, just making sure she is okay, telling her how much I love her & how much I am gonna miss her hugs n kisses til the germs go away. Just something as little as a flu bug can bring me to worry for my mom, I can't entertain the thought of ever living without her. I know that I thank my higher power for the miracle of sobriety in my life with enough time to actually get to know her better than I did as the lost little boy who fell down. I know that one day I am going to have to stay sober without her help, possibly so I am strong to help her when she is in need. One day I will have to be like my father & care for a wife in sickness & in health. To provide & teach children the best way I know how to live & only hope they listen, unlike myself in the past.

As I get to know them better, and all our years grow in number I know this one thing is for sure. They do not know how much I appreciate them keeping eachother intact because without them in my life when I needed them the most I would not be alive right now to write this blog. With human & character defects like pride for my achievements, selfishness for gains, envy of others, and whatever thousands others can be listed.. there is only one human defect that matters the most with my mom and dad. In all the complex ways I have eluded the words I should say it simply. I LOVE THEM... Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy