St. Pat's Parade Day - Terrorist Leprechauns

Mar 13. Hey friends, and happy St. Patrick's Parade Day in Scranton. I will be talking a little about that tonight but first I should get out my friday's fun. I stayed up late, actually through the morning because I had too much energy and couldn't sleep every time I tried. So I passed out hard around 9AM. I slept through the morning and was lazy in the afternoon for the most part too. I had a few things to straighten up as well as myself before the evening so I did just that. I took mom to meet my dad and uncle for dinner at one of our favorite spots and got a call from a friend in the 12 step program I work. He is actually someone who helped guide me through the earliest parts of my sobriety, when I knew and was not much of anything. I went to his house after dinner and helped him with some information for a friend who has some of the same points in their addiction as I did before I got clean & spiritual. After that I rushed down to meet my sponsor at my home group and we set up for the meeting, which I chaired.

The topic was denial & honesty. They go hand in hand as far as a problem/solution goes, and so does acceptance as well. All in all the meeting was a success and cleanup went smoothly. I gave a friend named Patrick a ride home afterwards, which got me thinking about St. Patrick's day & the parade later today.. saturday. Funny how little associations come up like that, I don't believe in conseqences anymore. Everything happens for a reason. And one thing that is happening tomorrow reguardless of my sobriety or anyone else's is the parade in Scranton. For decades it has been an alcohol and party celebration throughout the streets. I have taken part in the festivities many times myself in past years, so I know what goes on there and how. I've also come to realize that a sneaky little terrorist, invisible like a leprechaun, hides in the crowd, ready to hurt or end me & other alcoholics if not careful. The terrorist is alcohol.

In those years I was celebrating I was surely in denial of my disease of alcoholism. I saw no problem with losing my car in the city, hopping in the bathtub of ice filled with beer and drinks, or staggering through the streets looking for something to lean on to keep my balance. I laughed at fights that broke out while people walked away hurt, some didn't walk away they were taken on stretchers. I was just absorbed in the fun, and if bad things werent happening to me, they weren't happening at all. See that is the nature of denial. If it isn't apparent to us, its not real, its not happening, not to me. So thousands of people will flood the streets for the parade, some out for a good time, some not alcoholic and off to enjoy a few drinks and friends, and some who will find out for the first time on a holiday of drinking that they too carry the disease of alcoholism.

I lack the ability "earth" people do to drink a few and stop. One is never enough and a thousand is too many. I am off in space with my thinking after the first drink. From being at the parade in past years I know many people who like me cannot stop once they start, in fact they can't gaurantee their actions once they start either. I used to feel excited and anxious for the parade day, now out of fear for the life and safety of my fellow alcoholic not in recovery.. I wish it were no more. If those who could drink safely did so, and those who cannot just enjoyed the green bagel's it would be a fine day to congregate and party in the streets. By party I mean have fun, see faces, do things. But the truth is that the disease of alcoholism is so powerful and cunning, it uses even an entire city, a religous icon, and a parade as its own marketing tool.

"Are you going to the parade tomorrow?" "What bar you gonna be at?" "Sir you can't have that beer on the street" "Oh my gosh, did you see how bad he fucked that kid up" "Where's my car?" "The ground is spinning, I'm gonna.. " Yeah its real. The way alcohol surrounds the event is astonishing. The police force even allows 'lienency' for public drunkeness during the 12 hours from parade's start. Its hard be happy for those who can drink normally and support the lienency and idea of the event, when you see how easy they are making it for potential alcoholics to start, or end by death/jail, their drinking careers. I think of the Lord's Prayer, "lead us not into temptation" when I dig deep for a spiritual answer.

The answer for me, needing to stay sober to stay alive, is to abstain from the event until I am spiritually fit enough to surpass the temptation. There's no telling how long, if never/ever, that will be a problem for me. I've been around alcohol since getting sober, thats not the problem. Ut's a city wide & socially accepted gathering for the sole purpose of getting intoxicated that is a problem for me. Attending would be like going to a concert from my favorite band and trying not to smile when my favorite song was played. And that's because the party was my favorite song for so many years. Until I reached an understanding and level of acceptance with my disease I truly did not know better and might have attended the parade, but today I do know better and will celebrate my own way. Which I encourage anyone else who knows alcohol or drugs to be their early grave, celebrate life without it.. A great life today thats worth living and not drinking.. one parade day at a time.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

P.S. All who go out for the parade, be safe, be responsible, have a hell of a good time, drink one for me if your not an alcoholic, and don't drive.. I would rather get a call asking for a ride home than lose one of you to my enemy.. alcohol & drugs.