I Have A Problem With... - Taking Suggestions

March 31. Hey everybody, wednesday is come & almost gone. I hope yours was productive & pleasant. I got up & went to a doctors appointment only to have to come back in an hour. All said & done I got breakfast & ran into a friend at the gas station that has taken his will back. I let him know that nothing's changed and the years of Sobriety he had accumulated still impresses me. With that I gave him a few smokes & headed home. When I got there I killed alot of time & skipped any form of rest in hopes to sleep better tonight, we'll see how that goes. Reason being I have a busy day for thursday. I finally got worn out before supper and kicked back, then headed out for my usual wednesday meeting.

The meeting was usual, minus & plus a few familiar faces. The topic was alot about uncertainty on what & how to handle things. I could only relay one bit of advice that has worked for me, and it helped remind me of what works. So I guess I'll incorporate it all into today's topic. "Take Suggestions" are the words that sum up my more lengthy explination. I can remember walking into the rooms of the 12 step program, afraid, confused, life in chaos & needing help. Moreso I needed direction. I had put the substances down & was going to meetings, but had no path to take. The groups I went to advised me of a few key suggestions, all of which I believe I had to follow or I would not still be sober today.

I didn't get the hang of them all at once, some of them even took me weeks to follow through with. The point is that I made a conscious effort to do what I was suggested, exactly as suggested. I didn't get everything perfect, but I grew in trying & got better every day. The things I was told in the beginning were simple, but in some mysterious complex way did amazing things for my sobriety. So what were some of them? First thing I was told was to get phone numbers & give mine out, making contacts was the only way life outside of a meeting could be handled the way those successful in Sobriety do. I was told to get a home group, or a group that I attended every time they met. Not only that, but to go early & stay late. Help with the garbage, chairs, tables, the coffee. It was suggested that I help greet people. More suggestions came, none of which were hard to follow.

The most important suggestion of all, the one that has gotten me all of the other vital suggestions that have formed & strengthened my Sobriety, was to GET A SPONSOR. What is that? It's simply this, a trusted friend who has exactly what you want. What was that for me? Long sobriety, a smile & laugh, and a collected & intelligent way of life with love, family, & passion as well as a higher power with convicted belif. It seems like that person would be hard to find, but I already knew who it would be weeks before I ever asked him to help me. They are many, that is those with good Sobriety, and they freely give the gift of guidance & growth that was so freely given to them by their sponsors. They don't charge money, there is no favors, helping others is just as big a part of staying sober as getting the help they needed.

So if we want to grow spiritually, we need to admit, realize, and accept that we don't have all the answers.. no one does. But some have many of the answers, they will not dictate or impose them onto you. We need to be willing to ask for help, and when the suggestions are made we need to realize that our life and balance is at stake. A suggestion to the skydiver would be to pull the ripcord at the proper elevation to open the parachute. But that is only a suggestion, he can if he choses fall to the ground with no employment of the parachute. We too can plumit to our own disease if we chose, or we can chose to follow suggestions in our life. Even those whom are not addicts should be of open mind, to know that answers we do not have are out there.. and that people of Spiritual life are willing to share these suggestions to Serenity at no cost. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

Call Of Duty - The Power To Win Battles

March 30. Hey everyone!! Tuesday's Gone With The Wind. I love that song, if you don't know it listen sometime. So first I guess I'll go over my day, which lacked any productive fiber whatsoever. I really and truthfully slept for so long because as most of us know, I don't sleep well at night. Friends in the program says that will all change around 2 years Sober, I hope they're right. Once I did get moving it was time to clean up and eat dinner. For some reason no matter where I chose to rest my back is throbbing by the end of it all, so after working out the kinks I headed out the door and onto the slushy roads. My destination was a celebration meeting for a friend a few towns over. The turnout was modest but the meeting and the message from the speaker was dynamite! I was thoroughly entertained by the woman's presentation of her story and heard some valueable reminders and strength to inspire my own recovery.

I helped close things up, talked business with a few friends and headed home. So here I am with not much of a day to speak of, but a great life to rant about instead. Before Sobriety came into my life I wouldn't have even gotten out of bed, let alone had dinner or went to a meeting. That is if there wasn't drugs around or a busy bar night. I was entirely and solely motivated by the chemical state of happiness that I found only through using, I was literally bankrupt of all spirituality & serenity in my life. So the 180 degree turn that my life has taken to me, is nothing short of a miracle.

If you don't believe in miracles I am sorry, perhaps one day you will experience one. In truth, every day that I remain sober is another miracle. I don't share often enough about this grace my higher power has shown me. Not a day went by without the drugs or drinks to settle my tortured and weakened soul, instead today not a day goes by without me being grateful for finding happiness outside those means. I remember many prayers I spoke when I started this battle, many of which contained words you wouldn't normally hear in a prayer. But regaurdless of the curses and cries for help something heard me. Fallen down, I was supported. It is because of this, because I lacked the power to stop myself, that I believe something greater has done it for me.

Miracles are heard of everyday, medical miracles, people coming out of helpless coma's and more. We hear about miracles and we try to disect them as a society, we want a scientific explination for the feats of obscurity. Did you ever stop to think that maybe our higher power uses tools like science to perform it's miracles? It's the same way he uses us. My higher power motivated my sponsor and many other close friends in the program to guide me to a better life, one that I could not guide myself to. Before me, their sponsors & friends gave them the same such guidance. When we offer ourselves as modest, humble tools to our higher power; we are capable of performing miracles as well.

This isn't to say that we are almighty beings with immense power, not by any means. In fact we are weak as an individual. Anyone who thinks otherwise, I invite you without hurting yourself to take on something more powerful than yourself.. a computer.. a heavy rock.. a professional boxer?? Many things are more powerful than us, but one thing is most powerful. That thing is our higher power, whatever you may call it/he/she. The specifics don't matter, what does is that we be open as a channel & tool to aid in performing the miracles it wills. So long as our intentions are good, we have belief, and we do the next right thing.. we should have no fear, no doubt, no hesitation to do these works. I have met those willing to die doing good in this world, and I have seen those die doing wrong. I can easily figure out which one of them was smiling & happy to take the risks they did. I challenge myself everyday to be open & honest to others, as I don't know how to perform miracles.. but am willing to try if the opportunity presents itself. The more I make myself available to and of service to others the greater the chances are that I will one day hear the "Call Of Duty". The ball is in your court, will you carry your burdens or let your higher power carry them for you? .. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

Celebrate Good Times - How Personal Growth Really Affects Others

March 29. Well the week is officially off to a good start. Hope its great for all of you friends out there. The weekend was long but productive both monetarily & in opportunity. I will be going solo as of this week with all my business ventures, the partners have left for other opportunities. As far as today goes, I was off to a slow start. I couldn't accomplish anything constructive and had some back problems. Every monday has been achy for me lately, I assume its from the concrete floors at the market & my lack of sitting down due to excitement. The price of progress I suppose. But when I did get started up fully and ate dinner I made a dash for the door, heading to MARS Group to go find some serenity. I found that and more as the crowd was small and topic focused. After a great round of sharing & taking in as much as I could learn I headed out to Moscow where three people were celebrating their years of Sobriety. Between the three there was 17 years of Sobriety, no small feat and nothing to refrain from being excited about.

A topic came to mind that was not crossed during that celebration though & it seems to be important. Why celebrate? One good reason is to feel good about the accomplishment of continued Sobriety, to rejoice for one more year on the right path. But there is a deeper and less selfish reason that people often don't think of. I say this because there are many people who do not celebrate every year, in fact some would rather not have a big deal made of their time in Sobriety. This takes so much power away from the 12 step program, and if I may, I would love to explain why.

Not only the acknowledgement, but the celebration too, of each passing year of Sobriety has an effect on others that truly cannot be measured. The effect is entirely positive. By celebrating these milestones we offer hope to those who have not yet crossed that amount of Sober time in their life yet. We show that it can be done. If one of us chooses not to celebrate, we may have literally blown off that one person who can relate to only us. We may never show them that its not only possible, but enjoyable to be Sober for our accumulated amount of time.

So when we think that our celebration is for "us", we need to think again. It is for the entire fellowship, it is a statement of truth that continuous Sobriety can be achieved by following it's suggestions. That statement is given, it does not need to even be said should someone chose to celebrate publicly. The message and power behind it is one that continues to make the movement of Sobriety grow and live in the hearts of so many. And when a celebrant gives the credit to the 12 step fellowship and to their higher power, it shows the realness of it all & fills others with the same beleif that we hold close to our hearts.

Celebrate every moment, if not for yourself or for the glory of what's saved you, then for the ones who still suffer. Do it for the ones who have not yet been convinced or have not yet found their way. You CAN influence the hearts of others, you CAN have a voice of positivity without saying a word. Just by recieving the moment in front of others you inspire me personally. I am further convinced with every celebration that I attend, that my life is on the course it should indefinitely be & that the light of the spirit shines on my every step towards lasting recovery. Do it for yourself, do it for your higher power, do it for the fellowship, and do it for others.. Just Do It! .. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

Some Things Will Never Change - Acceptance & Change

March 26. Hey to all my friends. Well Friday is almost over, just one hour left on the East Coast here. It was a fair week but had some points of discomfort. Thankfully my commitments within the 12 step program have kept me afloat. I got to visit with one of my favorite little people (children) today. CJ came over and ran wild through the house. He even trusted me enough to try a gummy worm for the first time. All smiles from the visit I enjoyed a little rest after he left. Later on we went out to celebrate my Mom's birthday one day early at the Chinese buffet. My visit with the rest of the family was short but I got to see everyone at least. I also got hugs and kisses from my other favorite little people, my nephew and nieces. I cut out early to go set up for the meeting at my homegroup, I held the commitment all month to chair on Fridays. Being my last week to run the meeting, I brought up the topic of Service work as no one else had an urgent problem to speak of. It was fitting & at the end I got to thank the group for the great opportunity to be of service to my fellow alcoholic.

I look forward to doing service work like that again. There is tons of different ways to help & I have experienced some, but plan to learn more ways as well. I came home to rest up after our business meeting for the group, in total it was a three hour commitment for me tonight. Having an early start tomorrow to run Treasure Hunters I figured I'd go home and rest since other plans with a friend fell through, as they have been for a while now. I had a topic pending on my mind though that I didn't get to bring up at the meeting, nor to my sponsor who I had seen there as well. It just kind of crept up on me, so I figured why not share it with all of you.

It seems no matter how much change can occur in one's life, some things remain the same. We can truly only change ourselves, we have been given the free will to do that. My choices as of late have been to try change in a fashion that my higher power would see fit, in essence trying to align my will with that of my higher power's will. I can do this as many times as I wish, with as many aspects of my character as possible, but no matter what it changes nothing about the world around me. So with constant change in me, the world around me changes at its own pace & with its own direction. This is so hard to swallow when I apply it to relationships in my life.

I can decide to be more "__insert good quality__" and work towards making that part of my existing spiritual fiber, but certain people in my life won't respond to that. What I mean is that just because I change for the better in some ways does not mean that person's I relate or deal with in my life will change as well. No matter how much change occurs, nothing changes about the other party. This is the same free will that allows me to change, it allows them to chose to remain the same. Its amazing how this stuff works, before getting Sober I couldn't grasp this simple concept, no simple truth. I often catch myself wondering "What do I gotta do to get them to change?", the answer is nothing. The truth is if it's their will to change then it will happen. Only one tool that I am learning in recovery has been helpful besides prayer... acceptance.

I need to learn to accept that some things will never change. Some people will never change. Some situations will never change. I need to not only accept, but either develop reason or hope that one day the change will occur. I am powerless over others in a spiritual, moral, and emotional sense. Can i affect others? sure. I cannot change them however, only affect situations in their life. I have in many times past tried to play God and meddle in the affairs of others, hoping that change would happen, selfishly trying to get my way. It is a more modern goal of mine to allow my higher power to do the work, focus on and be myself, and accept things for what they are. The key to acceptance is understanding that everything is what it is as any given time because that is exactly what is meant to be at that moment. So when things aren't changing for my benefit, or for what I see as the better; even if for someone else, I need to use that tool of acceptance, use hope as a resource for prayer, and turn it over to my higher power. Afterall, if I ran the world and were in charge of the changes in everyone's lives... we'd all be in big trouble. Thanks for blogging in.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

Putting Anything Else First Is Putting It Last

March 25. Hey friends, its Thursday night & I just wanted to share some things. I got motivated around noon because I had a doctors appointment which went well as they have been for the past months. My mom drove me down so I didn't have to go alone & we got a disturbing phone call about a family member. He is a dry alcoholic, not soberly working a program & healing his life. Needless to say he is a candidate for a liver transplant from cirrohsis of the liver, which nearly killed him multiple times in the past few years. Although he has not had a drink, he refuses to look at how his shortcomings still exist. He has to get an emergency surgery to replace a stint bypassing fluids thru the liver, temporarily saving his life for now. This news really is bothersome because he is close and loved by us all, and its a grim reminder of where my disease untreated will take me.

After settling this news down in my mind & thanking my higher power for my Sobriety today, we got back home. I caught a powernap because I had a meeting to be to later on. Dinner & out the door, I headed out to meet up with friends a town over. The meeting was a 1 year celebration for someone who happens to be very close to my best friend. One year of continuous Sobriety, I can only hope that my today's add up to that achievement eventually. It's quite a feat when you suffer from this disease, actually a miracle. Truth is not everyone will get sober, many will die, and some will go dry because they don't want to die. The damage from years of substances in our minds, bodies, and spirits needs treatment to be undone. That treatment I find in the rooms of the 12 step programs, through my sponsor, my support group, and the 12 steps themselves. Reliance on my higher power weighs in just as great if not more for me as well.

To settle on a topic here, its ever evident in my life that certain things can disturb my serenity. Those things that do so are often things I voluntarily let in.. relationships, work, expectations, harbored resentments. When I feel some sort of way about something, I am usually taking something personal that I have no control over. So why do I take it personal? I'm human. One mistake I never wish to make is to allow something to come before my Sobriety. If a relationship, job, emotion, or hobby takes precidence over my sobriety then I not only risk, but will certainly lose it to that which I place before it. Countless times members of the fellowship have seen it.

This truly means that in some cases people have to cut ties off with others, sometimes even divorce a spouse or leave a child to their own devices. It does not mean that love does not still pulse in one's heart for them, it means that we are nothing to and for them if we are not sober. We must protect it for when they need us most, no, when we need ourselves the most.. to be there for others and be of service to those we love. A stressful career follows the same rules, as with hobbies. If the stress, pressure, or disruption to one's serenity is great enough, we alcoholics WILL drink or drug over it. We know because its happened to us before, and if it has not and we do not head the suggestions of the successful, .. it WILL. There is no perfect adherence to these principles, the text says. But we want to grow along these spiritual lines, in so preserving our Sobriety.

So when the rubber hits the road, we can't back up. We have to move forward in Sobriety and in some cases leaving those things that refuse to change with us behind. It cannot be helped, and we will hurt from it. The mistake of holding on is comparable to grabbing a rope tied to a sinking ship and not letting go. The whole time we are drowning we can release it, let it go to our higher power and let it sink... swimming back to the surface. Spiritual fitness is something I strive for. I hope that when these tests come in the future I will be able to let go and let my higher power decide whats next. Should I become too consumed in keeping things before my Sobriety, I may not live long enough to try again. Thanks for blogging in.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

A Big Rock To Lean On - A Higher Power

March 25. Hey guys and dolls, happy that hump day is over? Wednesday was a fulfilling day for me. Got to help quite a few people out, helping myself in the process. Not for any gain, but a feeling of serenity that comes with it. A lazy first half of the day didn't produce much but the second half was productive. I got a dr's appointment out of the way and after that was able to help some friends. First my friend Kali, who needed a good meal, a talk, and a pack of cigarettes. After an hour of laughs we met up with another friend to head to a meeting he had not seen yet. It was a very emotional meeting with some deep and feeling-full parts to it. Some of the struggles others go through seem unbearable when we compare them to our own, and some of ours seem difficult to them as well. Its funny how the power above gives us just what we can chew on, nothing more, and when it is I see how its taken away quickly.

With everything difficult we face and often having no ability to solve these issues we somethimes just have to deal with them. Acceptance and trust are two big keys to learning to live with things that enter or leave our life suddenly. When we don't have time to emotionally prepare & the ones whom we lean on most are gone what is our rock? What is the solid thing that we can use to hold us up when life has taken our energy, our breath, and our will to go on? For me that rock is spirituality. Not just that, but a power greater than myself.. than anyone. I have a name for my higher power, but thats not what is important. The presence of one in my life, thats what matters.

Anyone who tries to romance or argue the specifics of what the higher power out there is, and what its name & purpose are is fighting a losing battle. Its not worth the efforts to embed specific beliefs into someone, most times you end up turning them off to the concept all together. Its also not worth to try and prove with science, logic, or history what should be sought as a power above. Why should we argue these points when there are so many living without a rock at all? The most important thing I can share with anyone is not a specific or an ideal, but the fact that regaurdless the higher power in my life IS and DOES exist.

Without it I would not be alive today, and if I were somehow my quality of life would not measure close to what it is now. I have serenity, not because questions are answered, but because I am at peace enough not to need them. I know so long as I believe and turn my will over, that a power greater than myself will lead me to water when a drink is necessary. I have not been let down yet, and for the miracles I have seen in my own life there is no shortage of belief. So what you believe is no difference to me, but if you do not your only fooling yourself. There is much to gain in confiding your life and will in that of something greater and more good then one's self.

When I do as it would do instead of what I would, the act and outcome both bring joy to my life. When I have faith and go on, the reward is more than before when it was absent in my life. We all can picture something stronger than ourselves.. physically, mentally, emotionally.. in all aspects. The reason we can picture it because we come across people and things in our life that quite frankly are better than us at these things. If person's can exist with greater realms of existance than ourselves, then there ought to be something greater than them let alone than ourselves. So when the chips are down, why not rely on that which is great, that which is good, that which prevails. My bet is that should I die tomorrow, life for others will go on. The power that resides over them and over life itself makes me rest easy knowing that. I can only be thankful that my higher power has given me today, and should I not get my tomorrows that life will continue for those I love & cherish. My rock, certainly that and MORE. Not only has it held me up today, but in my yesterdays it has lifted me up when fallen. To that great one out there, all my love.. may everyone in this world find you one day... Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

The Fortunate Ones - Its Not Who You'd Expect

March 23. Hey friends, its Tuesday night & I have had a long day. I pushed through the whole day on little sleep so that tonight would be good rest. Hope that all goes as planned. I spent the day active & on the town. I started the morning off stopping to see some people. In my travels I stopped to see my jewler friend that has been very good to me in starting my business. I hadn't seen him in a month or so & heard rumor he was in the hospital, I had no idea how close of a call things were. I truly felt selfish when I found out he was dead for three hours while they exhumed his heart & lungs for a quadruple bypass. He is up in his age and he nearly did not make it. I then proceeded to hear that he was in the hospital for two weeks in recovery, and I felt more self centered knowing that I had not been by his side after all he had done for me. After a few hours of thinking that way I finally was able to let it go to my higher power & all because of something my friend said.. "I didn't call & tell you, don't feel bad. I didn't want to burden anyone." Despite it all I felt like I had a shortcoming to be forgiven for.

After that I came back home, it was early evening and I caught a recharge cat nap to get ready for the meeting at night. I met some friends early for coffee & then we headed out to the meeting. A wonderful topic in the room I was in & they went to the early recovery meeting that they send they thoroughly enjoyed. What I got out of the meeting is something I may have mentioned before, but it's worth mention again. Those who have not become addicts/alcoholics and have never entered a 12 step program are truly unfortunate. I say this because once in recovery the program helps us deal with life in ways that other people without it cannot.

We have countless trusted friends with experience in what we are trying to do with our lives, from all walks and professions, and they offer their help at no charge with no reservation. Normal people do not have this, and they do not have a model from which to build their lives by. The internal 'house cleaning' that the program offers to ones social, spiritual, financial, & professional life is unmatched by anything available to the general non-recovering public. There are thousands in the fellowship that have been through situtations we face & have not only survived, but come out on top. Willing and able to share the solution to the problem or the technique by which to grow areas of our lives. Its comparable to the concept of that mystical "secret soctiety" that people wonder, 'does it really exist?'. Its not so secrative and it does exist but not to exclude but to include.

The sick and suffering addicts, if before death or institutionalization, have this society available to them. To show them how to live a life of reasonable happiness, compared to those who are non-addicted, some might even say beyond imaginable life. There are joys we find that the "earthers" of normal life do not ever get to see, understand, or live. Those who do are fortunate enough to have found a truly spiritual way of life through other means, which do exist, but in today's world are rarely sought. Many of those who find that way of life however, have few like minded people in their lives to share it with. The 12 step fellowships have thousands per city, and in some tens and hundreds of thousands. They all have one thing in common, they are in service of eachother and their fellow man. They, along with myself, find a happiness that no chemical, no amount of money, and no normal life can provide. To this I say "Amazing Grace!" because it surely is. There is something special there for sure, if not divine and I am so grateful to be a part of it. My contribution daily to the happiness of others is somehow magically returned 10 fold, I cannot explain it as I cannot explain the universe, it just .. IS. Thanks for listening.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

Power So Amazing - Selflessness Abroad

March 23. Hey everybody hope you had a great weekend. Mine was pretty good & business was picking up on Sunday. I had worried about a competative market nearby that would draw more crowds but it seems that regaurdless the people came. Monday was good too, other than an screaming back ache. I think the concrete floors & being on my feet all weekend is the culprit. The pain reminds me of why it was so hard in the past to resist self medicating for pain. When doctors wouldn't help & over the counter stuff didn't relieve the pain instead of being strong I copped out & hit the streets for drugs. Its not so bad that I can't function or operate & I believe before it wasn't either, I just couldn't see that when the quick fix was the way of life. Today I got the opportunity to show my newly sober friend to another good meeting, the MARS group Kathy & I created. He brought another friend with him who was going to his very first meeting ever.. no rehab no prior contact.

I remember being newly sober & wanting to spread the feeling of the 'pink cloud' I was on. I was ready to help the world, unfortunately many are not ready or in the same mindset. This guy was however, young but sick and tired of living the life, beating himself down. This is what brings up tonight's topic & its one I talk of often, "selflessness". It truly amazes me, the 12 step fellowship in which I belong to. The way they collectively drop their agenda just to focus on the newcomer. The first meeting we stopped at was the MARS group, Kathy, myself, & the others who were focusing on the third step and a higher power just dropped our works to welcome the newcomer. We turned it into a first step meeting, telling some of our stories of how we came about the fellowship & what drove us to seek out a new way of life.

The group supported & engaged in the selfless change of meeting content. In the end the young man had shared how 'at home' he felt & glad that he came. The purpose of sharing & catering the meeting in such a fashion is to hopefully put something out there that the newcomer can relate to. If they find themselves in one of our stories, they may find themselves staying in the fellowship.. and staying Sober! I marvel at the way we alcoholics put everything aside when another joins our ranks, wishing to find that serenity in life without drugs, alcohol, or the side effects they cause to destroy our lives & happiness. It wasn't just one group of people either.. its everyone.. as we went to a second meeting the welcoming when we arrived was similar.

The other meeting was my home group, they already had begun and had another newcomer that someone else brought. The stage was already set, we had walked into what would seem a coincidence. But there are no coincidences, my higher power works in mysterious ways to help out those who help themselves. Much great advice and many good things were shared in the two hours we spent out with the fellowship. The young man even saw a woman he knew who began crying in joy of seeing him out actively seeking a solution to the problem; alcohol.. addiction.

I can only dig deep within and realize that I too have this selfless drive for someone who seeks the right path. I have found myself countless times giving rides to newcomers, far out of my way at that. Buying them coffee, talking on the phone, and a hug or handshake to offer a friendly gesture. I have introduced people to many members of my support group in hopes that what they have done for & offered me would manifest for them. The old way I thought would be fearful that spreading my resources and offering myself to another would take away from my plate, but in Sobriety it works differently. The only way to keep it & keep it well, is to give it away freely to another. I love the fact that today I am willing to give without expecting a return. The only thing I seek today is serenity and the grace of my higher power. I indeed get that on a daily basis. Having the compulsion & desire to drink and drug removed from my life is thanks enough, but the filling in my life grows. I know one day my actions of the heart and spirit will lead me to a beautiful growth of relationships in my life. Perhaps some great friends and a loving wife one day. I can only be and work on myself daily, stay sober, pray, and help those I can. In return I walk in the light, never needing to hide parts of me in the dark again. Til next time.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

Get What Is Given

March 19. Hey friends. Today was one of the best days I have had in my recent Sobriety. I say this not because of personal success or gain, but because of another's. My day started like the rest, slow & drawn out but just before dinner I got a message from someone. It seems little to my knowledge an old friend had finally had enough & ended up going to a rehab. They got out thursday morning and was moved to seek out the 12 step program as recommended in treatment. If only all who sought sobriety realized we cannot do it alone it would be a great chance for many to find the solution.

In the end the result was that this friend was going to a meeting & could use a familiar face, wanting me to be the one to show him the ropes. I ate dinner that mom made & told her about the opportunity I had to give the gift back that was so freely given to me by so many. I got ready & called my friend, arranging plans to meet early for coffee. I wanted to talk some first to feel his condition & mind set.

He was ready & excited to take things head on. I could tell he spoke honest & from the heart. After coffee I made a few suggestions & we headed out. Being able to take someone to their first meeting & hear them share openly is a satisfying experience. I told him afterwards about a process I use daily that has helped me stay sober through the toughest & earliest days. I've shared it before, its called P.R.I.S.M.

Pray, read, speak, inventory, meeting. I will save the specifics for another time but it really works & has broadened my spiritual capabilities one day at a time. And that's all we have, is just today, sober and alive one day at a time. I cannot express how much having someone to guide & help through this program helps my own. Its amazing and seems impossible, but to keep sobriety at some point we have to give it away to another.

If it is my higher power that has put this friend back into my life than I thank it greatly. I have not felt this fortunate & hopeful for another's sobriety in a long time. I have never placed expectations, the last friend I had hope for went back to the life of chaos but I keep faith that the program works if we truly and honestly work it. To many more sober faces to come & those who still suffer I love you all. To my readers.. Good Night, Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

March 17. Hey friends. I originally had today's blog typed out on my blackberry and was trying to upload about six paragraphs from it to the blog. I did something wrong I guess and it did not autosave, so here it is empty space. I will try again this afternoon after I am motivated to recreate the energy I had when I tried to publish the first time.. <3 Jimmy

New Locks & Old Keys - Communication

Monday March 15th. Hey guys and girls. What a weekend. Business was the slowest it has ever been, but I am as convinced as ever about my business because although they weren't buying.. people were interested in everything new and in me. Sobriety has given me that genuine interest in my customers and I am finding that interest in return week after week as I grow. I am excited about alot of changes in the future, some that will allow my individual growth and ideas in the business to blossom and some that present new challenges. After the long and slow weekend I was hoping that Monday was a pick-up day. In alot of ways it has been, and I will just go over the day before I talk about the topic.

The morning was slow, I tried to catch up on some extra sleep and it backfired making me feel like junk most of the mid-day. Sometimes I think just getting up and going is better unless I have a huge night ahead. In any case after an early dinner and getting ready for meetings tonight I started to feel better & enjoyed some talk with mom for a few minutes. Out the door and 5 minutes late I made it to MARS group, to my suprise we had new guests from other groups in the area. I can only say that their contribution to the meeting was priceless and much appreciated and the topic was something I needed to hear. After wrapping up that great event I headed down to my home group for the last part of the meeting & to see my sponsor. We had a great talk & he even called later before he went to bed to make sure all was good in my life this week. Monday surely eneded up as a pick-up day. But I did have one problem, that through a solid solution, is getting better.

In our life we have many relationships. Friends, siblings, family, lovers, business, etc. There is many different unique parts to each of these relationships and even from person to person in the same class of relations. With all the different ways & planes we get along there is one common thing among them all. One key that opens old and new locks between two parties. That key is like a universal skeleton key, even if rusty, it somehow works to open things up for us all. Communication is the key I am talking about. Living with my parents after years being gone, it is a vital part of our co-existance and our growth together. Working with my sponsor & support group, I cannot achieve any form of growth without it. With customer's at my business, I cannot help them find what they seek, nor make them satisfied with my company without communicating. And in friendships, family, and love life tragedy awaits without me being able to communicate my wants, needs, and availability to meet their wants and needs.

I recently had been struggling to bridge a gap with someone in my life. They constantly assumed my availability to be slim because whenever they called I was keeping busy. In truth, because I did not call them saying I am free, they assumed I was not. So I would go on with other things to do. They were not communicating well, nor I. So a lock between us developed and it took a long overdue conversation with alot of explinations to overcome and unlock the potiential for us. This happens all to often in all areas of my life. Isolation, ignorance, and selfishness is alot to blame. As much as I try to live an open life, I often do not communicate to the ones who matter the most to me. Conscience of this, I make effort more than ever these days to communicate better.

Its not an easy task. That is to recognize your shortcomings, figure out whats missing, and implement it. But the truth is as far as communication goes, more is never bad and less is always harmful. If someone doesn't want communication they won't answer the phone, door, or find a way to "have to go". So the bottom line is that we all can try to communicate better, and those who recieve it as well as give it will all grow in their relationships. "Is communication valueable in your relationships? How many times has our ignorance, or not knowing something, been the root of our problem in a relationship? When communicating, do we realize honesty is the only effictive form of it?" Thanks for listening in, even though I rarely get feedback, I know my higher power is at least hearing these pages, and I am communicating there too.. All relationships deserve my effort, and yours, if we are to be the best we can. Try on.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

Mar 15. Hey friends, its early Sun night/Mon morning & I am a little wiped out from the weekend at Treasure Hunters. Alot of work for virtually no money this weekend. But some great things happened & the course is clearer than ever. Because of this, and always wanting to stay in the solution instead of the problem, I will be posting later today. I am gonna take a lil time to rest, evaluate some issues I am having, and hopefully come back to talk about it a little later today. Much Love to all of you. See ya soon. <3 Jimmy

St. Pat's Parade Day - Terrorist Leprechauns

Mar 13. Hey friends, and happy St. Patrick's Parade Day in Scranton. I will be talking a little about that tonight but first I should get out my friday's fun. I stayed up late, actually through the morning because I had too much energy and couldn't sleep every time I tried. So I passed out hard around 9AM. I slept through the morning and was lazy in the afternoon for the most part too. I had a few things to straighten up as well as myself before the evening so I did just that. I took mom to meet my dad and uncle for dinner at one of our favorite spots and got a call from a friend in the 12 step program I work. He is actually someone who helped guide me through the earliest parts of my sobriety, when I knew and was not much of anything. I went to his house after dinner and helped him with some information for a friend who has some of the same points in their addiction as I did before I got clean & spiritual. After that I rushed down to meet my sponsor at my home group and we set up for the meeting, which I chaired.

The topic was denial & honesty. They go hand in hand as far as a problem/solution goes, and so does acceptance as well. All in all the meeting was a success and cleanup went smoothly. I gave a friend named Patrick a ride home afterwards, which got me thinking about St. Patrick's day & the parade later today.. saturday. Funny how little associations come up like that, I don't believe in conseqences anymore. Everything happens for a reason. And one thing that is happening tomorrow reguardless of my sobriety or anyone else's is the parade in Scranton. For decades it has been an alcohol and party celebration throughout the streets. I have taken part in the festivities many times myself in past years, so I know what goes on there and how. I've also come to realize that a sneaky little terrorist, invisible like a leprechaun, hides in the crowd, ready to hurt or end me & other alcoholics if not careful. The terrorist is alcohol.

In those years I was celebrating I was surely in denial of my disease of alcoholism. I saw no problem with losing my car in the city, hopping in the bathtub of ice filled with beer and drinks, or staggering through the streets looking for something to lean on to keep my balance. I laughed at fights that broke out while people walked away hurt, some didn't walk away they were taken on stretchers. I was just absorbed in the fun, and if bad things werent happening to me, they weren't happening at all. See that is the nature of denial. If it isn't apparent to us, its not real, its not happening, not to me. So thousands of people will flood the streets for the parade, some out for a good time, some not alcoholic and off to enjoy a few drinks and friends, and some who will find out for the first time on a holiday of drinking that they too carry the disease of alcoholism.

I lack the ability "earth" people do to drink a few and stop. One is never enough and a thousand is too many. I am off in space with my thinking after the first drink. From being at the parade in past years I know many people who like me cannot stop once they start, in fact they can't gaurantee their actions once they start either. I used to feel excited and anxious for the parade day, now out of fear for the life and safety of my fellow alcoholic not in recovery.. I wish it were no more. If those who could drink safely did so, and those who cannot just enjoyed the green bagel's it would be a fine day to congregate and party in the streets. By party I mean have fun, see faces, do things. But the truth is that the disease of alcoholism is so powerful and cunning, it uses even an entire city, a religous icon, and a parade as its own marketing tool.

"Are you going to the parade tomorrow?" "What bar you gonna be at?" "Sir you can't have that beer on the street" "Oh my gosh, did you see how bad he fucked that kid up" "Where's my car?" "The ground is spinning, I'm gonna.. " Yeah its real. The way alcohol surrounds the event is astonishing. The police force even allows 'lienency' for public drunkeness during the 12 hours from parade's start. Its hard be happy for those who can drink normally and support the lienency and idea of the event, when you see how easy they are making it for potential alcoholics to start, or end by death/jail, their drinking careers. I think of the Lord's Prayer, "lead us not into temptation" when I dig deep for a spiritual answer.

The answer for me, needing to stay sober to stay alive, is to abstain from the event until I am spiritually fit enough to surpass the temptation. There's no telling how long, if never/ever, that will be a problem for me. I've been around alcohol since getting sober, thats not the problem. Ut's a city wide & socially accepted gathering for the sole purpose of getting intoxicated that is a problem for me. Attending would be like going to a concert from my favorite band and trying not to smile when my favorite song was played. And that's because the party was my favorite song for so many years. Until I reached an understanding and level of acceptance with my disease I truly did not know better and might have attended the parade, but today I do know better and will celebrate my own way. Which I encourage anyone else who knows alcohol or drugs to be their early grave, celebrate life without it.. A great life today thats worth living and not drinking.. one parade day at a time.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

P.S. All who go out for the parade, be safe, be responsible, have a hell of a good time, drink one for me if your not an alcoholic, and don't drive.. I would rather get a call asking for a ride home than lose one of you to my enemy.. alcohol & drugs.

Everybody's Working For The Weekend - Old Hits, New Ways

Mar 12. Hey fellow spirits, thursday is gone and its early friday morning.. T.G.I.F? I used to crave fridays in my addiction & other than it being the night my home group meets its no different from any other Sober day for me now. I guess with change comes things that I can appreciate in contrast to the old ways. Living in bondage of self was and still can be a terrible place to be. I will get more into that after I talk about my day.

Thursday seemed to drag on, physically I didn't feel great & rest didn't change that. I guess it was just an off day for my body so I wrote it off by the afternoon as such. I had dinner with mom & got to see my dad walk through the door before I left for my evening meeting. Thursdays are normally a busy day of several meetings or groups I attend but I have worked it so that every other thursday I get to slow down a little and just meet up with my sponsor at a meeting between where each of us lives. The meeting was a really great one and although my sponsor didn't think he would make it, he did halfway through. After a nice long talk and cold hands from smoking cigarettes outside, I headed out for a coffee and to find entertainment. It didn't last long and I was heading home in no time, as the night life in my area seems to conflict with my life's choices. So here I am back at home, playing with the App Center on my Blackberry and writing this blog. So onto the topic..

A song comes to mind on friday's that reminds me of the hamster wheel so many people are caught on in life. The lyrics go like this.. "Everybody's Working For The Weekend". I actually had a discussion with my father about this and he is the one who reminded me of the song a few months ago. It's catchy lyrics are so true. In dedication to being bonded to ourselves, we work all week just to get out and get that friday night high, that saturday shin-dig, and that sunday simmer. Why? Because of self pity, self seeking, and just.. self. Until we seek a spiritual way of life, and even after during some moments, we are in bondage of self. What does that mean? Well, it means we want what we want, and we will work and wait, earn or steal, buy or sell our way to getting what we want. The average hardworking and socially normal person even falls into this hamster wheel.

I know so many people that just can't wait for "Friday". Not because they want to get extra sleep, or spend time with their families that they miss at work. But because of self seeking and selfish desires make them get that "saturday night fever" a little early and they want to go take the stress off with substances, in most cases a beer. I try to live my life one day at a time, I look for moments of relaxation, happiness, serenity, satisfaction, pleasure, accomplishment, etc.. not for specific days of it. I am learning to achieve this through not self seeking that high or escape brought on by friday's at the bar or in the city scoring drugs. I am learning it by having fun on monday or tuesday without those things, making friday seem like just another day.

I also run a business on saturday and sunday, if I didn't have that then a hobby would be equally necessary to achieve what I am trying to in my life. Instead of working for, I am literally working 'on' the weekends. So I can't be perfect at this, or anything I do, but I can surely be aware and try. I can stay off the hamster wheel and if i find myself on it, take a sidestep, say a prayer for relief from the bondage of self, and get back on track living for today's happiness. Doing that instead of trying to wash away the woe's and hardships of the week seems much more appealing, but we would never know unless we worked at & experienced the difference. "Everybody's working for the weekend?" Yep, most of them are, but not everyone.. Myself and many others have stopped that song from playing in our lives, the lyrics aren't so catchy anymore. If I keep doing on friday what I've done any other day in my Sobriety chances are that life is going to keep getting better. Thanks for blogging in.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

The Odd Man Out

Mar 11. Hey friends, hope everyone is in a great spiritual place. I know that I continue to try to be daily. I won't give up until I am everday and can maintain that position through even the hardest of life's puzzles. Today was an interesting day, most of it was normal but near the end I came to a few conclusions. I started off at home with my mom for the morning and afternoon. Its nice not being the only one home during the day these days, as I am usually active with work-stuff on the weekends and in the 12 step program in the evenings. In the mid afternoon we went for a ride to gas my car up and I asked her to accompany me to take CJ's mom to the jewelers to drop off a ring. My only thought was, 'I hope she enjoys being out of the house'. If she didn't she said nothing of that nature so all seemed well.

Evening came and dinner too then I got ready for my evening meeting. It was a hit of a meeting and I even reconciled with a friend from some of the earliest weeks of my sobriety that was an important part of my learning to live a new way. After that meeting, I had every intention to find a friend to hang out with or do something fun with. Not a single person at the meeting was interested that I knew, they all had school in the AM or work and were off to bed. I made several phone calls to some others who were in similar situations or had their children for the night all tucked in. So it seemed if I wanted company I would have to see what the aquaintences were doing.

Out of maybe 15 people I called 8 got back to me.. all out at the bar or club having drinks. The rest did not reply or return a call. Going to a bar for anything but a band, and without another sober person was totally out of the question for my lifestyle I am trying to adopt. The thought crossed my mind of trying to just go out and meet new people. I thought of all the places in the city where social gathering might occur after 9PM on a weekday and since the last 12 step meeting was at 8PM my options were limited. It turns out that at that hour there was only one kind of place where people were gathered with the interest of new faces even being imaginable, all those places served alcohol as their primary function.

So there I sat in the car, the odd man out. I almost wanted to feel sorry for myself for being without company. I had 8 people I knew out on the town, all intoxicated, none interested in anything I was interested in. So rather than conform, I chose to vacate the city. As I drove home I started to think about how a night of drinks would change everything I have achieved thusfar in Sobriety, and how it would shift the balance that I have mentally, physically, and spritually in my life. All that chaos, at the end of the night as people stagger out of the bars.. who really is alone? When the bottom of the bottle is your last friend you see at the end of the night you have no friends, in fact you don't even have yourself. My self pity turned into gratitude, that today I have myself, my family, my real friends, and people in a fellowship of recovery that genuinely care about me. Not everyday is going to work out how I imagine, and they may not for some time to come.. but as long as I don't pick up a drink or a drug I have a chance to be the odd man out, with an even life. When I prayed tonight I didn't feel so alone anymore. Somehow everything was alright, and I got the feeling that in time my cup will flow over with friendship & fun in life, and shortly after perhaps love unimaginable. Like the love for my life today. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

Sleepless - A Piece Of Missing Health

Mar 10. Hey everyone. I wanted to get the new update posted for the morning coffee drinkers. Glad to have had the energy to do it, which I have too much energy seemingly these days, so here we are. Today I want to talk about an aspect of health & spirituality that I am losing out on, sleep. But first, about my day. Tuesday was pretty okay in my book. I was pretty tired early, so sleeping in seemed fun. I woke up to one of my favorite 'little people' saying "hey buddy wake up". It was CJ, an adorable little blond hair & blue eyed almost 3 year old. I try to be a positive role model to this guy because his father happens to not only skip his support, but also skips being there for him. I did the best I could being as tired as I was to talk to him and cheer him on as he played with the toys my mom keeps around for her grandkids. Once he left and things got quiet I fell back to sleep. My biological clock for some reason cannot seem to adjust to the life changes I am making, I can only pray and hope that one day it will turn as my life has.

After eating dinner in the evening with mom I got ready and went to my usual meeting on tuesdays, then stopped to see CJ's mother at her job and appologize for how tired I was when he wanted to play. I realize I can't do everything perfectly, but when it comes to kids I want to do my best no matter whom they belong to. I wrapped the night up hanging out with my best friend Tommy after he got out of work. Then back home to try and relax. For some reason, rest doesn't come easy these days. Its mainly what I want to talk about today. I normally like to stick to talking about spirituality and solutions in my life, but for a change I will focus on a problem I have not yet solved.

Since getting sober I have never been able to sleep in pattern. Starting with the detox phase of my sobriety, I initially shivered and squirmed in my skin every night. That lasted literally for a few weeks, the fevers finally subsiding with the help of medicine and the squirming.. well I either got used to it or a subsidance of some sort has occured thanks to my higher power and the implementation of spiritual principles in my life. Having those two obvious hindrences out of the way, you would think that I would be able to simmer down into a pattern of some sort for sleep. I try, I have tried. Something unkown to me is preventing it, and as certain things change it has not yet improved.

For nearly the entire first six months of my sobriety I suffered from horrid nightmare's and distrubing dreams that made no sense. I never slept more than 2 or 3 hours without waking up to one of these dreams. Night time seemed almost like work when I had to constantly wake up to a pounding heartbeat and calm my anxiety down for a half hour to try and sleep more. Over time the dreams got fewer and farther between, to where I at one point thought they were gone. They came back a month later to plague me and my rest again. My sponsor has told me time and again to take care of myself and my health, and that includes sleep at all costs. My doctor wanted me to try a strong tranquilizer to help the situation but out of fear for dependancy or other complications with my sobriety myself and my support group sided against trying it.

I can for the most part say now that the dreams, fevers, and anxiety are all but gone completely. What I can't say, is that I know what in the world is keeping me from being able to fall asleep now when I close my eyes. On the regular, unless I have run myself to an exhausted or tired state, I cannot simply go to bed after being up 19 hours and sleep. I just lay there, awake and unable to rest, opening my eyes to see another half hour of consciousness pass by. This goes on for an hour or more then I finally get fed up and find something to do. On a day where I get up at 5AM, if I stay active and busy until say 3 or 4AM the next morning, I can finally fall asleep within a half hour with no trouble. THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

In search of a solution I have prayed many times. I have consulted doctors who's only solution is sedation through medication. I have changed diet, tried going without caffine and sugars, eliminated milk products for a week, and even tried forced sleep. I can only come to think that the damage I have done to my body, brain, metabolism, and biolical system in my 14 years of addiction is taking a long time to correct itself. That is if it ever does. I often compare myself to living the life of a vampire because after two days of little sleep I am often slowing down as the sun speeds its rise into the sky. If ever there was a mystery in my life I wanted to solve it would be this one. For those of you who enjoy a good night's sleep, imagine your life without it. It compares to losing your ability to laugh, smile, taste, smell, stretch or just simply enjoy that long yawn that refreshes you. I hope that everyone enjoyed their sleep last night, I truly envy you. For Now.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

A Thinking Disease

Mar 09. Good Morning, Afternoon, Night. For the online world I guess its all different times out there. But one thing that doesn't care what the time is.. is addiction/alcoholism. Its not just a physical, mental or spiritual disease.. its all of those and its a THINKING disease. I learn more about that everyday as I try to battle my own thinking and my old ways. Going to meetings & talking to others in recovery, as well as reading, are all preventative measures to aid in supressing old alcoholic thoughts. I still get them today, and yesterday, and tomorrow.

Monday was an off day in a few ways. I didn't feel the greatest and slept very late into the day. I kept waking up and was plagued by this ache that I can't describe. By the time I got motivated and did some things at home with my mom I felt like my day and myself were a total waste. Alcoholic thinking at its finest. I truly had a productive evening ahead that my diseased thinking would not allow me to see. I got cleaned up and ready for my evening group and was running so close to being late that I skipped dinner.

The more fellow addicts I talk to, the more I find out that I am not the only one who has a problem with positive thinking once a few off balance things occur. It seems a common thread among us that once things get going, the spiral further. It was only from the aid of a handful of great people in recovery that tonight, for a change, I was able to stop my alcoholic mind in its tracks. Before getting there I couldn't help but think that the rest of the night was going to be horrible. Thanks to positive people my mind quickly adapted.

I encourage people out there to do everything in their power to keep themselves positive. You never know when the way you present yourself or are thinking could influence another. It could make the world of difference for someone who otherwise is lost to the devices of their own mind. If we look at some of the worst thoughts we've had in our lives we can see that being in our heads can be a horrible place at times.

On a final note. The major mood changing mechanism and the one thing that releieved all tension at this meeting was Meditation. We practiced an audible, almost hypnotic, form of guided meditation. The soothing suggestions and sound of the woman's voice lulled me into a care free state. This itself PROVES to me that my mental condition is suggestive and relative to what is going on around me. If I want to steer clear of my alcoholic thinking, I need only put myself in an environment that presents the opposite. Call it a placebo effect, call it all in my head.. cuz thats what it is. Its the thinking in my head that can keep me from or lead me to a drink or drug. If its brainwashing then GOOD, my dirty alcoholic thoughts could use a little 'washing'. Thanks for taking time to listen. For now.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

Three Days Grace: Not The Band

Mar 7. Well friends its been a few days and I am overdue and missing the blog badly. Its the transition phase of the weekend right now, a little after midnight going into sunday morning. I just wanted to log in and share some of my adventures the past few days to keep on the open and up & up. I am not sure if I will end up turning a topic tonight but if I don't we will resume monday with something a little more pointed. With that said its good to be back on and taking a few moments to look at a computer screen.

I want to peddle back to thursday, which is the day I set off to Philadelphia to get my BlackBerry phone that isn't available anywhere else in the state yet (maybe in pittsburg?). I had plans originally to have someone ride with me but wed night they cancelled, in a pinch I found someone else. By eleven oclock on wed night they someone managed to cancel as well, after cancelling three prior engagements with me as well during the week. I had just about had enough and was on the verge of setting spiritual principles aside and telling this person how my inner alcoholic felt about the way I was being shoved aside. Somehow I managed to not do that and choked it back, and in suprise they actually took my advice and called my mother to get a calm, collected, and un-bias explination of what their actions (or lack there of) was doing to my spirituality and my friendship with them.

So I went to sleep wed night assuming I was taking the trip to philly alone, not a great thing for an alcoholic/addict in recovery to do alone. I had asked many others to come, but none had the time nor desire to go it seemed. Thursday morning my mom suggested taking my cousin chris with me on the trip. Perfect Idea! Leave it to the non-alcoholic to do the thinking, for my thinking is and has been broken for some time. Only through the 12 step program does it improve, One day at at time! We left for philly thinking all would be well, until at 80mph we hit a seam in the road that cracked my exhaust pipe in half. The car roared loader than a tractor trailer on the jake brake for about 8 miles of the turnpike.

We found an exit and a downhill run into town, I spotted a garage. The place was fully equipped with welding & repair equipment and was an inspection station.. the catch.. it was an RV garage. The owner came out, not wanting to help his fellow man, and said, "We don't do work on cars, get on out of here.. I don't care if you got money, I don't wanna work on no car". Being almost over a hundred miles from home, a tow was not an option. Back to the hill we go and rolling down it I see another garage. In the past I would have let this prior man's self hatred and self seeking attitude steer me away from trying again.. but I am an addict in recovery, people are different and can change. There had to be someone who had learned to act & live in a spiritual manner that I am being taught. We pulled into another garage for another try.

"Give me your cell phone number and I'll call u when this car comes off the lift, I can see what I can do for you". This man, the mechanic, and the young boy helping were all kind folks. It almost seemed like they were from the fellowship I belonged to, for they treated me with respect and urgency as though I was a brother or family member. I got that call within 10 minutes and my car was on the lift. Now he rebuilt the pipe and welded a new segment on to make it work. You would think this emergency fix would be rather pricy. "30 bucks the boss says". God IS and DOES exist. I had no one to help me, a spiritual addict in recovery.. once the scum of the earth, yet this man, after a short prayer and a hopeful attempt at something I moments ago failed at getting done, he helped me for pennies. I told him that it was not enough. I would pay his boss the fee but he must take another 20 dollars from me.. and he did with a smile.

I made it to philadelphia thursday, and home safely with my new phone. All thanks to the kindness of strangers who put principles before personalities. Wholesome and spiritual prinicples that say when a person is in need and of just cause, we will support them any way we can. Even if that way is a cheap repair done professionally in emergency time frames. I thank my higher power for the people I met that day and for watching over me on that trip.. all so I could have one thing that would make me happy, that didn't involve putting a chemical into my body. Friday came and I chaired a meeting with my sponsor at my 12 step home group. It was my first qualified & official time chairing a meeting and it was fun. I did everything from make the coffee, run the meeting, to cleaning up and it felt good to put on the work to help my fellow alcoholic/addict.

Saturday I ran the Treasure Hunters shop at the market, running into slow business & a problem. One of the partners did not have their share of the rent. After a stressful day of trying to work something out so that they could have a chance to pay it late, an agreement was finally resolved. I successfully managed to take the brunt of many different people's opinions, attitudes, and anger without allowing myself to lose my composure of track of my mission.. to run my business in a professional and profitable fashion. Regaurdless of the tasks we are faced with, if we live with spiritual principles in mind, apply them to our lives, and reach out to our higher power for strength, hope and guidance.. we can achieve anything and miracles will fall into our lives that take us past the points where we have given up in the past. Hang in there, listen to suggestions, and do the next right thing.. thats what I plan to do tomorrow, and the next day after each one I live through. All a gift from my higher power. Thanks for blogging in.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy

Spiritual Outlets

Mar 2 Evening. Hey friends, back again to share some more today. I figured since this morning was kind of playing catch up that tonight should call for another post to SOS. I really want to thank everyone who reads & follows and a special thanks to all who joined the facebook fan page and suggests it to friends. Spirituality is not only something I want to share with people, but for others to share as well. The growing in my Spiritual Life has greatly filled the void of my long lived addiction and is a true blessing that I hope everyone can one day enjoy themselves. It was not too long ago that my life was empty, consisting of thoughts, actions, and an existance of no morals what so ever. Tonight I can reflect on that and really appreciate what the direction of others has put in to my life. The secret to it all that took so long for me to get was that all I had to do was let go and follow the way.

The world is full of Spiritual Outlets for us to learn from, but until we know what we are looking for its often difficult to find or identify them. Religious leaders and pillars of the 'church' communities are often seen as sources of spiritual knowledge. In modern days many people shy away from these outlets because of their own personal beliefs or lack of acknowledgement of their beleifs. In other words they don't want people to get religous on them when they are looking for spiritual leadership. This is something I could totally relate to earlier in my recovery. I had for a long time thought the God of my understanding had turned his back on me, leaving me defected and alone in my condition. Because of this resentment I too refused to turn to the 'church' for guidance in rebuilding a spiritual life. I had to find other ways to grow spiritually, and fortunately I did.

It was in the rooms of the 12 step programs and the people there that I found people who were spiritual fit enough to show me the way. They had recovered from a hopeless state of mind, body, & spirit cause by addiction/alcoholism and because of this I trusted they knew things that I did not, mainly because for 14 years I could not figure out what they had. As my eyes were opened to spiritual concepts and my mind was each day growing stronger without chemicals in it, I started to notice other sources of spirituality in the world around me. Books that seemed to fit what these "well' people were talking about. One in specific was named "The Search For Serenity". And there were others, even some articles in magazines seemed to prove that there was something more to contribute. After so much exposure to this great miracle healing within me called spirituality, it came time to finally credit something to its existance. What created spirituality? What made it possible?

For me, that answer was a higher power. Nothing of this world, in fact I believe this world is a possibility because of it. Neither man nor woman, beast or being, the higher power I call God just IS. To me GOD IS, and created all and all its possibilities. It is responsible for the growth of inanimate and immeasurable wealth I call spirituality. That thing that gets me outside of my selfish and unworthy human self and into others and the world around me. Selfless acts of kindness, doing the right thing, wishing well upon my fellow human, and praying for my enemies to get in their lives what I wish for my own. This magical and illogical concept that I somehow want in my life dazzles me. Who in their right mind would want for others when they could want for themselves instead? Thats just the mystery behind it that makes me seek out more. The reward I feel through doing whats right, by being selfless instead of selfish, and other spiritual actions, is a reward that carries me through each day. I believe it may be what has removed my compulsion to use drugs and drink. Only my higher power knows exactly why or how it works, but luckily he has shown me how to stay connected to the mystery.

I have come to the assumption that spirituality was always a part of the world around me, just in my own mind and heart it did not exist for quite some time. When the drugs were gone from my life and the hole in my heart was big enough I finally opened my eyes for something to fill it. I didn't truly discover new outlets for this spiritual fulfillment, they were always there and I had no room to fit it in my heart before. We all can find ourselves in this condition from many causes. Drugs, Obessions, Relationships, Addicitons, Busy Lives, all causes for us to fill up on non-spiritual things which leaves our hearts with no room. When we slow down, clear out, and open up we can finally discover whats been there all along. The spiritual outlets are ready for us to plug into as soon as we are ready and willing. "Are you ready? Are you willing to let go of things to make room for spirituality in your life?" Thanks for blogging in, for now.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy

Commitment - Its Not Just A Relationship Thing

March 2. Hey friend's & happy Tuesday. Thanks for being patient for the next post. I have been hammered with a case of the "busy life" since the later half of last week. Finally coming through the other side of it and working on better managing my time, I've decided to post today in the morning rather than at night so I can catch up and get on here. For the most part the things that have been keeping me busy are exactly what I want to talk about. There is an underlying topic beneath all the things I've been doing lately that I would like to share about more than the actual specifics of what I've been up to. With that in mind, I wanted to bring up a word that for me has a few parts to it that make up its general meaning. That word is "Commitment"

When most people today hear the word, they think about a "commitment" to a boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband, or in some of the normal instances a job or career. For me personally, commitment means something else entirely. Early in Sobriety it was suggested to me that if I wanted to remain sober & make changes in my life that last I should make & keep "commitments". The definition they were using of the word had a meaning sort of like this: commitment - taking on an obligation to be at, or be involved in, a specific or series of socially/spiritual/self improving events or position of responsibility that will give importance to and stabilize one's place in the Sober Community. With that in mind I want to mention a few of the examples that I have begun to take part in personally, not to brag or toot my own horn, but to share what I've been up to and explain why it works and what I get out of it.

Some of the commitments I've made are for myself and my sobriety, some for the aid and service of other addicts/alcoholics, and still some others for my fellow man (human) as a whole. The first major commitment I made in Sobriety was to join a home group (12 step group) and be at all their meetings & monthly business meeting. This commitment seems like I am simply supporting my fellow alcoholic by adding attending their group, but it truly helped me more by giving me a place to learn & grow as well as call 'home'. My first few weeks there I volunteered to make the coffee for the meetings in service to my fellow man that would attend. I joined a council to redesign the by-laws of the group in the past as well, but most recently I took on a commitment to go over the inventory of literature, supplies, and Sobriety Coins during the month of March. I also have signed up to co-chair the friday meetings there for the month of March with my sponsor, which I am eager to do as it will be my first time I can say I am qualified to do so.

Outside the program of recovery I belong I have made commitments to my personal life as well. Opening my business, I have commited to be at the market every Saturday & Sunday in hopes of it will succeed and become prosperous. This commitment is not only to myself, but to two business partners as well who rely on me to be there and stay 'in business' for the duration of the year. When the suggestion to a retired counselor to start a "new type" of recovery group was put into action, I was asked to make a commitment to be there. Because I followed through with that commitment I ended up making a new one by being asked to take the Office of Secretary for the group. The responsibilities associated with the position are filling up my spare time and giving me purpose & new skills that I once could not draw on during addiciton. These are just a few of the many commitments I have made in Sobriety, but the most important of all has yet to be mentioned. When I was working on my 'third step' with my sponsor, I made a commitment to the higher power I believe in (the God of my understanding). That commitment was to do It's will rather then my own as much as possible. In doing so I believe the rewards are beyond comprehension and the effect on my fellow man is positive.

What I get out of these commitments is not just self reward. By taking them on I have given myself both reason and momentum to stay Sober. My place in the Sober Community is stable and reserved with each commitment I take on as there is a need for all sorts of things to be done in support of it. They add to my character as I experience each new way I can help myself and others. I get to be an example of what "good action" can add to a person's life & what things a person can do that will help them live in recovery. I get to see that smile on the face of another who benefits from my commitments, even if it is as simple as them enjoying the warm cup of coffe at a meeting. All of this and more did not exist before I made the commitments in Sobriety. In fact, I was not able to make any commitments during my addiction. From useless to useful they have proven to me that I am more than an ex-junkie who put the drugs & drink down, I am a tool of my higher power that can effectively do work in the world around me. Purpose & satisfaction, something to be proud of and make sleep enjoyable without the ghost of conscience. There are commitments we all can take on to make the life of others, and our own, so enjoyable. I've heard the call from many like President's, actors, religious leaders.. to get involved in our world, but no call from a man or woman for commitment is so great as the one from our own HEART. Commitment - Its Not Just A Relationship Thing. "Are You Commited?" Thanks for blogging in. Good Night.. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy