It Works, If You Work It

June 29. Hey again friends, a great Tuesday almost in the bag. I had the luxury of attending another celebration tonight, this man sharing 18yrs of sobriety w/ us tonight. Earlier in the day I got to see my friend Tom & my cousin, two of the closest people in my life before & after beginning my spritiual transformation. I say beginning because that is just it, I have only begun, my higher power willing. After a chunk of my day with them I visited w/ my aunt who I have not seen in a long time, priorly to some shame & her own struggles I did not want to expose myself too earlier. Today I felt different, more spiritually fit if you will, and the visit was wonderful. I got home & to my suprise my newphew, niece, and youngest older sister was here. I took the kids for a little walk to see the cows, then on an adventure through the woodline. At the end of our short journey (short for little legs & a tired uncle) we got some overside fungi from a rotted tree for grandma, who loves them for country decor. A short time after I had to prepare to get ready for the meeting this evening, so a shower & change later I was out the door to pick up my cousin.

It was a fantastic celebration, not for the man w/ 18 years, but for the 12 Step fellowship itself. The celebrations are continual proof that the program, or as I call it life change, works.. If You Work It. With so many things tailored & ready made to suit us in our lives, many of us are not used to working for much & that which we do work for we often have cut corners or cheated to get there. The hard earned things are much more valued & appreciated, like the teenager who works three summers for their first car, seen polishing the chrome. Compare that to the one who gets it handed to them, skipping oil maintenence & crashing it carelessly into a random object, then expecting another. We even can order our own personal computers tailored to us, with all the premade colors, bells & whistles we want it to have. There is one thing that is not buyable in a ready made fashion that I know of, its not something that comes just the way we want it & that is life or for me.. spiritual life. For so long I was unable to work at so many areas of my life, say for the quick fixing & instantly happy parts. These were usually followed by an immediate crash without the money or resources to sustain the false sense of good life around me.

After enough failures, enough time spent numb to all emotion & the world, I finally felt enough pain to take a loot at my life. There was nothing, all that was left was the hope in the hearts of those that still loved me, who were few & far between. But I had hope myself, that there was something more. In fact, I often prayed during addiction for my higher power to either end my life with the next dose or to finally throw me something exciting & worthwhile to rescue me from my prison of selfish & trapping spiritual bankruptcy. My prayers were answered & I did not die, though many a time I nearly did, instead I was offered help. One miracle after another people & resources fell into place like dominoes stacked for a grand finale tumble. Even through my slipping from my nearly achieved foothold in sobriety the help continued to pour out from doctor to judge & parents to stranger. A message soon came, my understanding it without having to fall back to the grip of my alcoholism is a miracle as well I believe. "It Works, If You Work It." What did that mean? Everything life has to offer, thats what it meant to me. Sobriety, spritiuality, love, honor, respect, morality, faith, hope & all that makes life great.

See it was never my creators intention to hand me a tailor made life, ready for me to plug into & live my dreams. It had to be worked for, it still has to be worked for. It is only ever going to work if I fearlessly, honestly, & humbly work it every day of my life. That includes being sober, growing spiritually, being a better son & brother, friend & proprieter, lover & man. It is the things I achieve outside the physicalities of my body that will one day measure how great I become. No statue or plaque should be raised in the wake of my works that I have left on this earth, only people that remember a lost boy emerging to a man of aid to those around him, sick & suffering, lost & confused, lacking spirit & a friend. There are many jobs that a person can voluntarily take as they wander this world, those without financial promise & benefit to others are the ones that interest me when I need a spiritual uplifting. Although I know I must put effort into financial sources in order to effectively help myself & others in this material & money driven society, world rather, I will value more when I draw a line at my needs financially & cross then to working with others spiritually. Its a dream of mine to one day have worked at my sober & spritiual life enough, that my strength, experience & hope is great enough a force that I can help others while sustaining a living. Perhaps owning a Sober House to help others while generating income, or owning a business that employs recovering alcoholics & addicts.. if I work at that too, like all other things, it will one day work with the will of my higher power. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy