Starting Over - Back In The Spirit

June 12. Hello again everyone, Saturday has just crept in as Friday came to an end a few minutes ago. Today wasn't so bad, in fact it was just fine. I started my morning off meeting my cousin to check out a new game room opening, then back home to hang out with mom. I kept myself busy all day but really got nothing done, which is just fine sometimes, to be honest just staying on track sometimes is hard enough. Before I knew it dad called & it was time once again for our weekend dinner out together. They are going on a little trip & so there was a few things to discuss over dinner as well as the usual enjoyment of eachother's company. Afterwards I headed out to the store to pick up cookies & cream, then off to set up for the meeting I was to be the chairman at. The meeting kicked off & it was one of the largest yet for this group, that I've been at anyway. Only at a celebration meeting, have I seen more people there. The topic was surrender & it was a lesson I always need reminding of.

Although it was a great topic, surrender is not something I want to shine a light on tonight. Maybe it will tie in somehow, but not intentionally. Before the meeting when I set up, I had placed Big Books & 12 X 12 books all around the tables as refference for others to use if they wished. An old timer who has been sober much longer than me had said it was not part of the group conscience to do that. Basically he was asking that I not change the way the group does things without asking them first & taking it to a vote. At first I felt a resentment, afterall the books save lives, but then I got to thinking. The meeting tonight was a closed discussion meeting. For any alcoholic who wanted to share about a topic or problem with the rest & all to have an opportunity to share their own message in return. The books had no significance. They did not need to be there. Only because "I" chose to put them out, did it bother me that someone more seasonsed did not want them there this particular evening. This translates to selfishness.

My own selfish ego, honor, pride and all that goes with it was hurt, because a choice I made was not favored by another. A choice that had no significance whatsoever to either of us personally, but to the group conscience that does not call for this particular layout I had mimiced from another meeting. So in the end, the group was right & so was this other man for sticking up for what it calls for. It would have been a shame for someone to be stuck in thought reading the book, when something that they could relate to or learn may be missed. That something could potentially save their life, attract them to the solution, or prompt them to get their own troubles out on the table. For once I was able to handle a resentment without having to take it to the individual I had it with. In sober & spritiual ways I have grown some evidently, because my alcoholic mind would formerly put up a fight of some sort or still felt ill of the man.

It's amazing how when we are working in the world of the spirit & self change, how we can look at someone our mind labels as an enemy at one point & later see them as the proper and admirable crusader that we would like to be ourselves. I started my day over after that realization, just minutes before the meeting started & I was to chair it. I let go, letting my higher power take care of the rest & put my best into that meeting. It turned out a success, a wonderful message & warm glow the whole hour. None of this was possible before, when resentments ruled me along side of fear & selfishness. There is no cause so great as the one that is right, and what is right can only be seen through spiritual means. I am ever grateful for my higher power granting me the ability today to "Start Over" when something is not right. I would not start over to change my past, it's what made me who I am today, but I can start over the rest of my time here whenever I wish... try it sometime. You might find a bad situation become the best of times. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy