Having Targets & Goals - Personality & Morals

May 29. It's early Saturday morning & I have to go run my business in the AM. That fact does not stop me from coming here to connect with all of you though. I used to put myself through days of no sleep & amounts of abuse in the multiples greater for the sake of my addiciton, so I can do it for something wholesome in my life moreso. I had a great friday. I slept in, so long that I was actually very slow getting moving. By the time mom & dad called to say it was time to meet for our friday night dinner out on the town I had to rush to get ready. Sometimes a fire under my ass is necessary or I will slip into my old behaviors, one of which is procrastination. After a great dinner/talk I went to visit & old friend. We talked & he decided he would come to a meeting with me. Two hours later, due to the group business meeting, we left with a mind full of recovery & went out to talk & have coffee. A brief argument or two with much heart behind my disagreements, we were laughing in no time & enjoying the radio on the way home.

It was something we had discussed & a point I mentioned to another friend as well today that I would like to bring up as a topic. When we are trying to learn a new way of living, reinventing ourselves without the "ism's" of alcoholism, it does us justice to have a "Target Personality & Set Of Morals" to aim for. Some would say this is just setting us up for failure, heartbreak, or a relapse... I disagree & so is all I've been taught. We give ourselves up willingly to the methods of the 12 Steps & the will of our Higher Power, all as part of working a spiritual program to change our lives. If we can do that, we have to keep some kind of picture in mind of what it is we want to be. That picture is ever changing, but some things in it are constant. I want to be a person that is rid of self seeking ways, one full of feeling, respectful & respected, not willing to do others harm & when I do be willing to make ammends, and a whole list of other things. With out having these targets in mind, I do not have any way to focus my efforts on an area of my life. In addition without them, I do not know what needs to be maintained to continue to have the qualities I want.

So the "Target Set Of Morals" has basically been explained & sometimes as my thinking gets clearer, or my spirituality grows I add to that list or change parts as more is revealed in this life..style..?.. The other part of this is having a "Target Personality". This confuses some people, but we have done this since childhood & do not even know it. When we want to be a heroic fireman, a law enforcing police officer, an honorable war veteran, or a wild & talented rock star.. these are all examples of a target personality. Some other ideas are a broadway singer, a dancer, a teacher.. the list goes on. That personality seems more like a profession, but don't people who are good at their jobs reflect their profession in a personality? Most of my life I wanted to be that Drug Smuggling, Chaos Creating, wild & crazy Rock Star. It was the bottom so low I lost the will to be anything that changed that for me. I still dream of being a Rock Star of sorts, but one who thrives with talent, spiritual music, and devoted to a fan base.. not selling as many tickets to have money to buy drugs or empty bottles.

That personality I dream of is popular for just being myself, for having a heart & expressing it in unique & musical ways, for being sober & having a strong base of morals that reflect my beliefs. I have had to do alot of finding out who I am now, understanding who I was, and concentrating on who I want to be. I know today that I cannot achieve any of my spiritual, moral, or personality goals if I do not remain sober & working the 12 Steps in my life daily. I have proven that left to my own devices & doing things my own way that I can accomplish no more than the drug & alcohol part, the selfish & alcoholic thinking, the actions of a man deserving no respect. So to change I must know what I am, and what I want to become. Its the difference between those two people that determines how much work I have to do, I want to be a person so great that my work will never be finished.. and thats a good thing, no a GREAT thing. To help others even with my last breaths of life is something I am commited to today, to be there for others as so many have been there for me when I could not stand myself. And finally to carry the message, not just of the solution to alcoholism, but the message of life & love, pain & gain, risk & reward, survival & recovery.. through all the many outlets available to me & the person that I will become with hard work & a clear image. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy