I Don't Need To Be Better When I Am My Best

April 14. Hey friends, Tuesday's gone & the horizon of Wednesday morning is close to being filled with light here on the east coast USA. My day was filled with grim news & harsh reality, but a miracle occured anyway. I happened not to drink because of it, or use a drug, and I was able to be honest about all of my woe's to the people who help me the most. I remember it not always being this way. Tragic days would lead to tragic doses of drugs in my body, and more tragic side effects & lies to hide it all. It's truly less painful to be hurt by someone in Sobriety, but really I have been smashed up emotionally for days straight by someone. Today was the worst of all the news, but somehow I still have a reasonable sense of happiness and clarity in my life. I am more convinced than ever that Sobriety, no... more than that.. spiritual living is the way of life like no other I have experienced. I am able to do and be done to more without falling apart or giving up.

In a few more days I will have been sober 9 months and even though I have made some mistakes through this young peroid of Sobriety in my life, I have managed to get this far without the things I needed to survive in the past. Thanks to people just like me who have done it before me, I am being freely given the tools, solutions, & way of life that was once a mystery to me. At one time my disease would not even allow me to imagine a life like this. I have come to understand that having become happy with myself, I can remain happy when others hate. I used to cringe at the thought of someone not liking me, yes I still consciously care if certain people think bad of me or do bad to me, but its different now. I no longer am bonded to just myself, a little more free I can actually sympathize that even some people who do not have alcoholism/addiction can be spiritually sick as well.

For the first time I wish someone, who has hurt me at so many different levels, an opportunity to get well and heal. Never before have I seen someone who has crossed me as someone deserving of love & care. I may not be able to help them myself, I don't have experience to do that, but someone can. My point in all of this is that we can grow to see things differently, I not only see it but feel it. I would have in the past wished pain, suffering, heartache, or harm on someone who had done me wrong. In some cases I am sure that I even caused some of those things in retaliation. My life is changed, my higher power has loved & forgiven me through my mistakes & so have many human beings just like me. Although many have forgiven me, that does not mean they have forgotten my past, just that we have grown together to build a bond greater than that.

I can never forget the things that have hurt me deep, but I can forgive those who seek the way of the spirit & spiritual living. I really never thought I could be the bigger person in many difficult situations I have faced, and maybe I am not, just a little more spiritual. I can't always be the Hero, but I can do what is right most of the time. It is not an eye for an eye, not for me anymore. If you take my eye I use the other, if you take both I will feel my way through life. If I want to see change, why not start with me? Why not start with changing how I deal with life's most challenging moments, to be more like the spirit and less selfish. In the end revenge, ignorance, ridicule, or reminding one of their mistakes all the time is just self-centered tactics to blow up our own ego's anyway. Because we want to be better than those that hurt us. I can't be better than anybody, I can only be my best. Thanks for listening.. Thanks for loving people that make mistakes.. Be thankful we have this chance called life to be the best we can. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy