A Spiritual Awakening - What Drives Us To Change

April 29. Another great day my friends & I hope all you had a good one as well. I wasn't initially looking forward to today because I had alot of work to get done as well as a busy night ahead. By doing what's suggested & turning it over to my higher power I was able to accept today for "everything it's supposed to be at that given time". I started my morning out by picking up a friend & heading back to my house. After loading 2 cars with merchandise & my mom helping out we headed up to my business spot to unload all the new stuff & change the floor plan. Not only did we accomplish an immense amount of work, it was a great bonding time & a day to appreciate friend being in service of friend.

By 3 o'clock we had finished & had to be out of the marketplace so they could close the doors til tomorrow. I took my friend home & went to my house to relax before venturing out again for the evening. I ended up doing research instead of getting rest, which will make for better sleep tonight I hope anyway. Again "as it should be". In the later evening I headed out to a celebration meeting for a good friend in the 12 step program I belong to. There was a family member speaker sharing a message from their perspective & also an alcoholic speaker, both passing phenominal messages across to the rather large crowd. They both kept it as real as it gets when it comes to talking about the lethal disease & how it truly affects those afflicted & the world around them. The meeting wrapped up, I talked with friends & my sponsor then offered my services to clean up a bit in the kitchen.

After the meeting I met up with a great friend sober well over a decade, chatting as the final others left the parking lot. We talked so long & deep on some things that I really got out a good amount of alcoholic troubles that might otherwise have stayed trapped up unvented. He as well got to share much strength & experience with me in return & we talked of past mistakes in reflection. To learn from those mistakes today & correct the defects within us that caused them is a big part of our spiritual growth in Sobriety. An equally large part of it that I have not yet reached the step to commit to is ammendments. They are when you make right what wrongs you may have commited in your active addiction or even in Sobriety if things pop up. They truly are the sign of spiritual growth, because making ammends voluntarily is completely possible because of the spiritual awakening we have. It's the same spiritual awakening that we hit on the return from our bottom in addiciton/alcoholism, the one that helps us realize we are powerless & that we needed the help of something else to get sober.

This man remembered when my family had a grocery store, almost two decades ago now. He remembers a young boy giving him change for a 20 dollar bill when he paid with a 10. The spiritual awakening that has made his sobriety such a quality that I want it in my own life, is the same power that caused him to say & do what he did tonight. As I told the story of my parents owning the store, he remember it & the event of me as a child giving the wrong change back. The strength in his spiritual program has made this wonderful man Spiritually FIT enough to reach in his pocket tonight & return to me the difference of that mistaken transaction I made as a young boy. I did not want to accept the money, but in needing to keep his side of the street clean to keep his spiritual condition, he insisted I keep it. This act of honor, dignity, & spiritual greatness sent chills down my spine & still does as I write about it now.

Upon leaving I called my mother & told her I needed her to wait up, I needed to tell her something. I rushed home with that money in my pocket & told my mother that a man did a great thing tonight. I relayed the event that happened as a child & handed her the money that was missing from her register almost 20 years ago now.. As she cried from the joy, not from money, it was a joy of what the 12 STEPS can do to a person's life. I wanted to cry knowing that I want this man's brand of sobriety & that if he has become such a benevolent being in this world that I, her son, may some day too. I need only remember the feeling I had when I awoken spiritually. Perhaps someday I will share it with you all in detail. I need to never forget that because each spiritual movement that I have, like this kind man of change giving back a few simple dollars out of faith in his program, each of these experiences gives me more momentum in working the 12 steps in my own life. One day at a time, one spiritual experience & a great spiritual awakening later perhaps one day I will reach spiritual greatness. Until then I feel that I cannot surround myself by too many people like this man tonight, it will be the first time I actually want to be a product of my environment. For now.. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy