No Place Like Home - A Place For Shelter

April 09. Hey everybody, hope your friday was great. To be honest I didn't really feel up to writing tonight, but in the better interest of my spirituality I have decided to anyway. Maybe writing will help me apply some things to areas of my life, which has happened before thankfully. Don't know really what to make of the day. Some good talks yesterday has brightened the horizon in some areas of my life, but talk is only part of the equation. Today lacked alot of the action that I had hoped would come from the person promising change. I can sit and drive myself crazy in wonder or I can face the facts that once again I am placing expectations on others that they may not be capable of fullfilling at this moment.. or ever. Thats what it really boils down to, me expecting certain conditions & efforts and them not being met continuously. So needless to say when dinner out on the town with mom & dad came up tonight, it was a much appreciated break from myself & my head.

I had some extra time between dinner & the meeting tonight so I took a slow drive for a coffee then arrived early in case anyone needed help setting up. All of the set up was done already so I assumed the role of greeter at the door, to humble myself & to keep my mind off the poison it was creating. Although a decent attempt, greeting does not take much attention as people sporatically show up, so my focus was in my head and on txt messages talking to someone else who was stressed. Not ideal situations to lighten the emotional load. In the end the meeting was phenominal and like most nights the topic of forgiveness & all that was shared absorbed me for the whole hour. If nothing else when a meeting can get me out of myself for the hour its in session, it has done its purpose. I felt a little more spiritual for the letting out of the meeting.

When I got in my car I tried to contact the person who has been falling short with me these days. I wanted to appologize for being so hard when I know that the hurt and shortcomings they caused me were only because of their spiritual sickness during this time. With all good intentions I was not able to get ahold of them or get a reply to the few messages I sent. I made it home & decided to clean up my office area, thinking environment will help me & it has some. I got enough steam to write this entry tonight from it at least. The one thing I must say, my topic if you will, is that regaurdless of how mixed up I feel or felt all day.. and in spite of the fact that I have experienced many failures, be it my own or another person's.. when I walk into a meeting full of other addicts or alcoholics the stresses seem to diminish. When not completely they at least subside for the time I spend there with people in the fellowship.

The feeling of being "at home", with people just like me, who feel what I feel, its an irreplacable comfort that I cannot find outside when things aren't going my way. Even when my way is seemingly a good one, it hurts to face defiance or rejection in all its forms. There is some sort of miraculous power in the rooms, perhaps a divine pass or push of comfort, maybe just my own mind seeing it that way. No matter what it works. When your heart is aching or your temper is near its peak, no matter the problem, there is "No Place Like Home" to help us better deal with it. I have found a home in the rooms of the 12 step program, the meetings are vital key to the success in sobriety & spirituality. Many people do not get that their first time around, some never get it and die broken. I can only be grateful that I have seen the power behind it, a power that my own higher power must have granted because from it.. comes all good things in my life. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy