A Birthday Message - Gratitude With No Bounds

May 17. Sunday has come to an end & so has one of the best days I have had on this Earth. I am officially 29 years old & for the first time in ages I am Sober after celebrating another year passing. This specific year that has passed means so much to me & I am sure to many others. A huge outpouring of friends sending birthday messages, my family gathering for a dinner filled with fun & laughter, & being sober to experience & appreciate it all. Finally being that open book that no one needs to struggle to read or figure out the truth between the lines. I cannot thank everyone enough who has made this day so special, I cannot thank God enough for saving my life & allowing this day to occur for me. I did not want to be selfish today, I didn't want to seek anything but sober & spiritual time with my family & it ended up being so much more. Every minute of the day someone else shared the joy of today with me, well past the setting of the sun & into the night messages & calls still came in. I remember one year ago, as things in my life were starting to hit rock hard bottom & how far I was from any chance of experiencing the joy I felt today.

My last birthday was spent in desperation, financially strapped & withdrawing again I used every birthday resource to satisfy the terrible hunger coming out of the hole in my spirit & heart. I was merely a shell of a man who was not truly alive enough to enjoy the celebration of my own birth & blessing of having a place in this world. I didn't want to see family & got away as soon as I could to go stab myself with that hollow pin, the one that hollowed my life out. It was the beggining of the end of my addiction & another month of struggles ensued before I finally reached with the last bit of hope I had left outward for help from anyone who could help someone as lost as me. Prayers were made & like miracles were answered at the exact times I could no longer bear the pain caused by 14 years of spiritual devestation. Some people would say, "So it's your birthday, great, good for you & happy birthday." BUT it's SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. The percentage of people who can recovery from the hopeless state of life I was in is in the single digits, it almost seems acts of a higher power that even they get sober, and it is.

My higher power listened to my prayers, the right people, program, and all at the right times each step of the way. It was a devine plan that I had no control over nor power in.. only mere participation & faith that life was still worth living. There has never been something as important to me today as remaining sober so that I may have spirituality in my life. Sobriety for me & only me, is the only way I can accomplish this good life's living I have today. One drink or dose shatters all of my hope, happiness, & worthy ability to function, be of use, and survive in society. I have tried control, it never worked, I was controlled instead. It only takes one & I cannot remain spiritual, all of my heart, values, & integrity goes out the window. But today I have a solution not to take that first drink or drug. It's only because my prayers were answered & a program that gives its credit in working to a power greater than any of us exists.

I just want to take the time to thank God, My Family, My Friends, My Sponsor, and all of you, Just THANKS from the bottom of my heart. I forever work diligently & sometimes afraid, but my hardest none the less, to grow myself into a being of sound mind, body, & spirit that selflessly & without thought contributes good & loving things to each of your lives. So long as I am meant to be I have that purpose today. I sometimes wonder if people who have not endured this struggle can really understand what it is to feel like this, to love like this. You don't know what you've lost until its gone, I never want to lose myself again because falling in love with life is too hard. Now that I have this love for my life, all of you, & all that is.. I never want to experience a day without it again. If you care to comprehend this bold statement, thanks for being part of my life on my first birthday in the world I always belonged. Good Night.. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy