Trust - What Is It Good For?

May 05. Hello my friends, today I celebrated the life of a good friend at his memorial viewing at 11am. I took a good friend & professional counselor along side me because we are friends & she knew our recently lost comrade. This is how my morning started, I was to be honest an internal ball of knots & emotions. Seeing others in their pain over the same loss did not obviously contribute to my dealing with the event. It was not until midway through we sang Amazing Grace was my heartache eased, a few knots unwraveled, & able to take a deep breath that actually satisfied my chest. Earlier attempts at long breaths seemed like mere pants though I know they were not. Just before singing the hymn the pastor had spoken about how my friend came to know his higher power & seeked salvation in the months prior to his death. Immediately following was the song, and I sang as emotions lifted from my spirit.

I believe in my own beliefs & they are important to have in any spiritual lifestyle, I want to share what I felt connected in my soul today. I feel that with the reassurance of his relationship with our higher power that my friend during that song helped many heal just a little bit. If it was not him, then it was my higher power allowing my heart to rest knowing he was alright wherever he ended up. May I say this, I do not force feed a brand of religion to anyone, I just personally believe in life after a mortal death. My spirituality, the real presence of my soul within me that I can feel today & the presence of my higher power all through my life have given me this faith. It obviously had given my friend the same faith to seek out his higher power as the pastor proclaimed in the eulogy.

After that song I had a renewed strength that I lacked hours & the day prior. Strength enough to comfort two of his closest friends, one being his morning fiance the other his best friend since childhood. We were all a close group in our day, but it wasn't our day it was my friends. It was later that evening at my usual tuesday night meeting I had gotten a reply to a message I had sent to a great person who has helped me in my sobriety & spiritual growth. He suggested his strong friendship with me & that as I learn to trust more, slowly I will be able to reach out further & further to help my journey & also to help others. Today I found trust in its fullest definition, I found trust in my higher power.

Trust is sometimes reffered to as something that "takes years to build & seconds to destroy". This in many cases can be very true, for me its taken my entire lifetime to finally place trust in my higher power. I did so when I cried for help, misunderstood & spiritually destroyed by my addiction. It answered my call then & so many times before that, I am finally starting to realize that my higher power was there all along even when I didn't trust in it. This is vital for me to understand in me learning trust others, because it teaches me that even when I didn't trust & couldn't be trusted that my higher power placed it's trust in me the entire time. There is no mistaking that everything that has happened in my life, has occured in its order and for significant reasons. Possibly to shape my life & create the man I work to become & maybe the man that I will be proud to meet my creator as.

I am proud now, but I am not done at least not for today because there is still breath in my lungs and blood flowing in my veins. There is more to accomplish, through trust & love for my higher power, for my family, my good friends & all those who have helped me & have yet to help me but will in the future. By trusting again, I am truly giving myself to others, reaching out both hands extended.. here I am I trust you won't steer me wrong or hurt me. Its this trust that will lead to the most fruitful rewards & the most pulsing pain I am sure, but it will all be worth it in the sake of living along spiritual lines. The better man I long to be is a trusting man, who needs mistrust to be proven and never assumed.. especially when it comes to the works & will of my higher power. It is all as it should be at any given time. Everything that happens in all of our lives is for a reason, a masterful purpose, a mystery that may never have an answer.. but that answer I don't need to know.

All I need to know is trust, faith, belief, hard work, sobriety & a spiritual means by which I find a solution to all of life's future happenings. Afterall I need only survive sobriety intact, without having intentionally hurt someone, and with a pure honest open heart in relationship with my higher power & those I love. It seems like such a tall task, but it does not seem impossible after feeling the ease in my heart while I sang out "AMAZING GRACE". That saved a wretch like me. I am no longer lost but found.. slowly I open my eyes from blindness I am beggining to see. Life is short my friends, love with all your heart.. trust with all your nerve & vulnerabilities & walk the path of spiritual blessings. I can't express enough how sorrowful I will feel if I lost any of you without having come to know your higher power, to have placed trust in it's decisions, & accepted its merciful end when each of ours is due. My heart rests easy knowing that someone else has placed that trust in the place its most deserved, they will be in the beauty of the city where life, through trust, exists after flesh. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy