Character Defects - Preparing To Ask For Their Removal & Step 6

May 13. Hello friends, I hope your all enjoying the good life & what a good life it is. I am feeling good about myself, perhaps its just because I gave recognition that I walk a little more free today than every before. In any case its a great feeling to have, with work on ourselves we can all get there. Speaking of getting there.. I had a few places I had to get to myself today. I felt what I thought was a cold coming on this morning & tried to sleep some of it off, that may have worked because right now I am feeling fine. There is always the possibility of allergies that have developed or that I am aware of finally because I am not numb all the time. I got out of the house a little after 4 & headed down to meet with my counselor of many years at a county agency I was court ordered too in 2005. I never lost the desire to stop speaking to my friend there because as I just said she is more than a counselor but also a friend. Our sessions turn out often to be very productive.

It was a very productive session that brought her to "cut me loose" from a costly & weekly group that I was in the past mandated to attend. Mind you I voluntarily seek this treatment, but if I take any of it I have to follow all other recommendations. So this group was now off the mandatory agenda. I am glad because it was one that costs nearly 55 dollars a month & makes me miss a 12 Step meeting that is more in tune with my recovery goals. After that great session I went back home & leant a hand with some things that had to get caught up, like garbage that needed to be taken out & cleaned up. Time flies & it was again the moment to be heading out, this time to a 12 Step group meeting I support a few miles from my house. I got there & the topic was the 6th step, which was picked after a wonderful speakers story. The step says, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character". With the understanding that the word "God" means your higher power as you understand it.

Although being only actively on my fourth step, my knowledge of this step is something that may help others. I only know what I do about it because of people like my friend Mark & my sponsor who read within the Big Book with me. I had an early craving for an understanding of what the 12 Steps were capable of doing for me before I actually took any of them. Through reading & listening to the explinations from others I have found out this one thing, that matters largely for identifying what we are asking our higher power to remove when taking the 6th Step. Our defects of character can be in the hundreds, even thousands, when we look at our selves closely, honestly, & without fear of the truth. Those countless defects however only fit into four main defects that we all as spiritually growing people have. Those four are Selfishness, Resentment, Dishonesty, & Fear. The one that I find behind so many of my defects, but not all, is Fear. My fears have driven so many bad choices & also drive so many of my personal defects that it is certainly worth not only a second look, but millions of looks if necessary.

The Steps are not something we complete then are done, we always dig up, experience, or create more which requires constant use of these 12 Steps in our life. I know that it is only however by the grace of my Higher Power that I am relieved of any of my troubles & of use to anyone else in society. Being ready for our higher power to remove our defects of character means that we must have already taken a thorough look at ourselves without fear, bias, or dishonesty & found our part in all of our wrongs ect. This is why in the 5th Step I assume sharing with your higher power all of your fears, resentments, dishonesty, & selfishness as well as with another human being, we become more aware of them, of anything we may have missed, or anything new we may have adopted into our newly spiritual hearts that may need to be addressed as well. All of this is to prepare us for this 6th Step, where we ask that same Higher Power that relieved us of our insanity, that is now running our will & our lives, that we have a relationship with.. to finally take away the things about us that hinder our ability to fully recover & do the works of spiritual nature.

I look in the mirror today long enough to examine the man I have become, that is part to due with the fact that in the past I was so ashamed, so empty, so dishonest & resentful, and so selfish that I could not bear to look back into those eyes. Today that is not an issue in my life. I am not in love with myself in a narcissistic fashion, but I do indeed love myself realizing I am sober & in the grace of my higher power every given moment of each day. The path to get this far was not easy, I feel that I may not even have faced my hardest challenges yet, but with the help of the same Higher Power that will later remove my defects of character & shortcomings (on it's own time not mine) I will face these challenges for the better of my life & those around me. Thanks for listening in, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend which for many starts after work & before I do my next entry. To all of you, be safe, be spiritual & if your an alcoholic or drug addict by all means.. Please be Sober! Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy