Normal Days - When Being Yourself Is Uneasy

May 25. Manic Monday is over everybody take a deep breath! Its just past midnight on tuesday morning & I am still a ball of energy. I got out of the house for my usual MARS Group meeting which was a smash success as always & then out to the closing minutes of my home group to see my sponsor. I stayed about an hour just chatting with friends & enjoying the night air. A while later I was back at home & hopped online to check out how some friends were doing. So that was my day, nothing exciting & thankfully nothing bad to make note of. It's these kinds of days that I used to feel complacent & would search out trouble to get myself into.. thankfully those alcoholic patterns are a thing of the past & I work on my spiritual condition daily to keep them there. It's this area that I'd really like to talk about on here tonight as a topic.

Most people who have an alcohol or drug problem, even people with just spiritual diseases, do not know how to have a normal day. This unfamiliar & unwelcome thing we call peaceful existance bothers more people than we know. People who crave drama in their lives suffer much the same way, as well people who feed off chaos like career criminals & gang members. All of these things cause spiritual despair & make us uncomfortable in our own skin when everything is calm & easy going. Its this uneasiness that causes many of us to go on a spree of self sabatoge, for the alcoholic/addict that means a long, drawn out, & potentially deadly run in with our drug or substance of choice. These binges go on for days, we hit a bottom, and we slowly move back up from that bottom a few inches. The fact is we never completely get back up to where before we enter this stage.. thats why our bottoms can get lower & lower.

During my quest for sobriety & spiritual living I had realized that I didn't have to get as low as I have been in the past to finally have enough. It was the constant enduring of feeling like crawling out of my skin that broke me finally. The lack of a higher power made me seek out an answer as to why I could not be peaceful & easy in my own skin. It turned out I was indeed alcoholic & addicted, that I already knew, but I had no idea of the spiritual damage nor the physical changes I had put my body through. Ones that might never be curable, but are all treatable. So long as I am willing to work the 12 Steps & stay active I am treated & I am well, but should I ever think I am cured, the days of feeling uneasy in my own skin could return. I am happy today in my body, in having the life I live, and in being involved in everything I have a place in. That is a complete change from where I was.

It truly is a simple solution, but our ways as individuals are long embedded in us & our thinking we know how to fix ourselves complicates the whole process or program. Its when we turn our will & lives over to our higher power & finally do what is suggested of us by people who are in a place we wish to be.. then & only than will we be comfortable & happy with ourselves. That includes on the days when nothing spectacular happens in our lives, this process is how we come to find a gratitude that says any day we made it alive, sober, & don't hurt ourselves or others is a great day in our lives. So when your feeling broken & ready to take the plunge back into self destruct mode, consider a spiritual solution & how great life really is.. even on the uneventful, peaceful, boring & lonely days of your life. Shine in the light of the spirit. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy