Relapse Prevention - Living The Solution

May 12. Hi friends & readers, I have survived another day Sober & semi-sane :) Wednesday was not all that bad, but there was some disturbing points to note. I got up early & set out in search of a friend, I never found him but did end up seeing a family member out & about as well as my best friend of over 15 years now. It was a great way to start off the morning & I spent a majority of the day enjoying playing games & drinking coffee in his company. The afternoon quickly led to evening & I rushed home to see my mom for a while. We spent a few good hours working on presentation displays to show merchandise I recently aquired for my business then she made dinner. I slid a few big bites down & out the door to go do some service work for a meeting in need of help. 48 cups of coffee being brewed later & a few tables & chairs and things were set up. The meeting switched chairmen because the fellow who also volunteered his time was not well & needed to go home & rest. I was especially glad I was there to help because of this, otherwise he would have to do it on his own & I never want another alcoholic to have to do anything alone.

I tried so many times to do things myself, my own way, with no help & I failed. Not only did I fail often, I also fell into insanity just as freqently. Its good to lend a helping hand, get out of myself, & get spiritual in service of others. The meeting had a few moments of welcomed silence that lasted for minutes sometimes, there were few who had much to say, but much of what was said was valueable & so many of us needed to hear. As the meeting closed I again enlisted my services to clean up, after we were done I realized something had been unfolding upon the closing of the meeting. A young man who I have seen before wearily stood on the steps of the church, talking to Sober friends in desperation from what was an apparent relapse. His condition, his tone, and the predominant self will he was using to set his own terms upon which he wanted help.

It was all but bearable, seeing a vision of myself a mere 11 months ago. I remember wanting to chose what facility I went to rehab, based on what help I thought I needed. I didn't want to detox in jail or a hospital where no one would understand my struggles. I wanted everything on my terms & I knew nothing of what I truly needed. Perhaps this young man's relapse was preventable, but then again if I were asked if mine was prior to commiting to sobriety, my answer would be "Absolutely not". I had to suffer it all one more time, to understand the necessary, to reveal what I must do. Everything boiled down to that I had to do everything I didn't know how to, I had to do things someone else's way & turn my will over to someone who could help me out of the bottomless pit of withdrawl & torment I had hit. My journey is no where near the end, but today I understand what I must do to prevent a relapse like this in my life.

Although I am sober many months more than this person, the disease does not discriminate. If we stop doing what is necessary to get our daily relief from its chokehold, it will strangle us. The things I have learned to do thusfar were outside my realm of thinking, some parts still are but I do them because I know no way myself & have faith that what worked for those before me WILL WORK FOR ME, if I chose to work it. I must go to meetings, how often is based on my spiritual condition & I have determined that since I had used drugs & alcohol every day for the past few years, that I should definitely get my ass to a meeting everyday now. That wasn't all though, it was told to me that I must also secure a sponsor & a home group if I wanted to stay sober. That I must do service work to humble myself & learn the value of getting outside myself and into spiritual service. I was to follow the suggestions of my sponsor as though he were suggesting that I pull the rip cord for my parachute if I were skydiving. I have not followed all of these perfectly, but I work all of these suggestions to the best of my ability & that is all that is necessary for me to grow instead of receed into the clutches of my disease.

The final few suggestions I heard, there are many more that are not minor but can do with later mention at another time, those two were as follows: Not only do, but incorporate the 12 Steps into your life through the guidance of another alcoholic that has completed them & is sober themselves. Not to just incorporate them, but to live them on a daily basis. And the last thing was to help another alcoholic in recovery, regaurdless of the amount of time or knowledge I have in the program I can contribute something to the newly sober. Working with another alcoholic was in the end, the ultimate fail safe as explained because some how through a miracle, helping others helps us stay sober. The rooms in which the 12 steps are taught & the fellowships meet are not rooms of gossip, but the truth is known when a fellow alcoholic is not working, following, or living the 12 steps to the best of their ability. I am not sure if this recently relapsed man was even taken through the first step with a sponsor or friend, but I do know this.. If I WORK THESE STEPS in my life, If I LIVE THESE STEPS, and I TEACH THESE STEPS to another alcoholic, I will not drink or use a drug. Thank you for listening.. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy