All The Small Things - Small Times Are Big Time

July 22. Hey everyone. Thursday was different for a change, not good or bad, just different & thats okay sometimes. I had a migraine last night that lasted almost past sunrise, I finally had enough & began to sleep over the pinching pain around 6AM. I tossed for the first two house finaly getting back up after a nightmare I had. Once I got my bearings & smoked a cigarette I laid back down again, this time I slept for a straight 7 hours or so. I must have needed the sleep because I was oblivious to the world around me. My mom tried to wake me up for a phone call & I don't remember what I said to her, but something along the lines of "I can't do anything, I don't feel good". Finally I got up & started moving, the day mostly over but I had a meeting at night in a few hours & needed dinner. Mom made a great dinner which was done by the time it needed for me to be on time at the meeting, only one problem. As I got there the meeting was evidently cancelled due to a gathering or picnic function at the church it normally meets at. Just having been there the week prior I hadn't heard anything about it, but things come up without notice & so did this I guess. I saw one other person there that had assume it was "business as usual" & she told me there was a sign on the door saying no meeting. With that I headed back home & instead of letting it frustrate me like some past times have I decided to enjoy myself w/ family.

An important part of my spiritual program is remember to spend time with those who are most important to me. I didn't get sober afterall to forget the small things in life, like watching a movie with mom & dad. Every small thing that matter, all of which were comprimised during addiction to selfishness of an incontrollable disease of spiritual bankruptcy & endless craving. Today I look forward to small moments, they are some of the biggest moments I will share with people I care about. Small things that are worthwhile often come from the biggest people in our lives, parents, friends, sisters & brothers, a wonderful person we are in love with.. all of those relationships get better in time so long as we stay sober & spiritual & they too do not fail the relationship spiritually. It is a two way road when building those special bonds in life, but I see it as my personal responsibility to do my part & participate in those small moments & times that accumulate to a rather big love in my life. My parents have loved me through all, even when I could not love myself, as my sisters & other close friends have as well. It is to these people I owe as much of myself as I can offer, that is in good qualities not the bad. My spiritual responsibilities also require that I keep these loved ones away from my worst qualities, we all have them & only our higher power can remove them with hard work, time, & prayer/meditation.

Some say that we must take the good with the bad, this may be true, but we do not have to give our bad with our good. We can make a conscience & spiritual effort to work on ourselves & shelter those whom we love most from our worst character defects. To be human makes this impossible in it's entirety, but possible in part, the part we chose to work on. It's giving it all we got that makes the small time with loved ones part of the big picture, even though we are not used to sitting & watching a movie because our past did not make room for so, we must be willing to explore new things & find those moments we enjoy with others. Once we find those special moments they are worth repeating. Why mess with success? As I cannot argue that the 12 Steps & spirituality has changed my life from tragedy to triumph, we should not argue a good time with loved ones as not worth another try down the road. So when it comes to the big picture, lets look at all those small things that made it possible. And let's include them in our lives over & over, as much as we possibly can. We have nothing to gain but a smile on our face & an easy feeling of good kharma by knowing we selflessly gave our time to those who love us, maybe, just maybe more than we love them. Not questioning the love of any for me or another with that statement, just saying that in spiritual growth that I have found love to be an enormous motivation in my life. Enjoy your big life everyone, but make time for the small things. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy