Reliance - Where To Place It

July 15. Hello friends. I am starting blogging in the morning for a change, listening to the birds chirp & the world around me waking up. I had the luxury of walking this earth another day sober & enjoyed a night out playing poker with my cousins & friend. I still haven't settled much from all the coffee I drank but I don't have to get motivated til the afternoon, so I plan to give my body the rest it needs for a few hours this morning. I have never had the chance to play poker in a real venue before, only at kitchen tables & unorganized leagues, the recent legalization of the game in my state has allowed me to have a hand at it & it was a fun time. A time that I would not have gotten to experience at all if I were not clean & sober. My money, time & relationships with people to play cards or even just spend time with were completely gone for so many years. I can remember a few times in my addiction that I got to sit down & play rummy or poker with someone & had a blast, then other times I could not hold the cards even, because I did not have what I needed to sit still or I did too much & could not keep my composure. What a vast difference in the two worlds, many in recovery coin a phrase & I am really starting to see it unfold in my life. "It's like I had two lives, the old one of suffering & this new life of joy". Were there some good times in my addiciton, you bet, but none as good as my worst day in sobriety. I truly stand behind that bold statement, life is awesome today.

Before I bring up tonight's topic, I would like to set the stage for what brought it to mind. I went to my usual wednesday night meeting, which I have gone to before & was baffled as to why there was no one there. Upon arriving there were a few guys in the parking lot & no vehicles. Like me, they were oblivious to the fact that the meeting was cancelled for the next two weeks. I had left to be early for it, I deep inside felt the need for a meeting. I don't know if it was a need for the comfort of other alcoholics or just out of my usual routine but I at first was not happy with the fact it was cancelled. I made a two phone calls to that group's members & ended up relaying the cancellation to the other guys there, then they went their way & I was left to go mine. Finally getting to my topic, if I were relying solely on that meeting to keep me sober last night, I would have drank or taken a drug because it was not there as I needed. So many people place their reliance in certain things like routine, comfort, & whats readily availalbe.. or the worst possible case for an alcoholic or addict, to place reliance on ourselves. We cannot & must not use self reliance to stay sober, we have proven that all we know how to do is get drunk or high, or we would not be seeking a sober path. For non-alcoholics with spiritual disease, the same applies. Nothing but wreckage & suffering has resulted from relying on our own will & own lack of control.

So if we cannot rely on the meetings themselves, or our best friend, or even ourselves to keep us sober... What can we rely on? Where do we place our reliance?? We have to have a Reliance On A Power Greater Than Ourselves. Our Higher Power. Whatever you may call it, there are many names but only one higher power. It is yours & it is the only thing at the moment there is nothing between you & a substance that can help you. It was the only thing in many accounts that did & could help me. My faith that my Higher Power is looking out for me & that it means for me to be drug & alcohol free is what took over me last night. It has taken over me in instances where a supposed friend pulled out a pot pipe, and where family members were celebrating with cases of beer & a bonfire. All things I once enjoyed & at a first glance might allow my alcoholic mind to trick me into thinking it would be great to participate in. It is at that point, no matter what resource I turn to next to stay sober, my higher power that steps in & my faith in it's direction turns me away from that potentially fatal sip, dose or hit. The reliance in a higher power is as important a factor as a person admitting they have a disease they cannot control once it is ignited. The belief in a power greater than ourselves can in itself lend us the power to get out of & away from a potential relapse.

Its living without this higher power that allows our intelligence & logic to reason taking a drink or drug back into our mind. If we had full belief in something more wise & powerful than us, something with a direction of good that we choose to life for instead of run from, then we already are shielded from the first drink. We don't have to worry about the second, or hundreth being the one that kills us, gets us arrested, or otherwise ruins our life once again. There are no "cured" alcoholics in the world, if you can just stop drinking & stay stopped forever with no help from anyone or anything, including a higher power, than you are not alcoholic at all. The people I am speaking of, alcoholics, know of the unstoppable thirst for alcohol or drugs that cannot be quenched by a thousand & we know after one we are doomed until we run out, the place closes, or we are out of money or resources to obtain it. Something that holds a grip so powerful over us, that it renders us powerless when consumed, is something that we must turn over to this higher power. Reliance in a higher power, to me & only to me, means that I place my will in the hands of my creator to do with me as deemed necessary to help my fellow man & spread all that is good to them. The final act of self will & self reliance is suicicide, which is exactly what I as an alcoholic will be commiting if I drink or drug again. My fate is sealed without the miracle my higher power has given me, sobriety, for that my reliance will stay with my higher power. If my story is not enough, then some must find their own suffering to be great enough, but we do not have to live & die suffering. There is something we can rely on, even when we cannot rely on ourselves or others. Find your Higher Power, your life has everything to gain. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy