Spiritual Decisions

July 03. Hello friends, the holiday weekend is underway & I hope you are all enjoying yourselves safely & spiritually. There is alot to do with independance & sobriety as well as spirituality, but I want to save that for tomorrow's blog & write about something else today. First I should share my day, it was not one of my greatest but I survived it sober which is more than I could have done before this journey. I got up early & was on time to open my shop with the opening of the marketplace. With a little help from a neighbor that I was grateful for taking down all the security fence & covers was a breeze. It seemed like a great day in the works already, but there was one thing missing. It wasn't my enthusiasm nor my will to give better deals than any of my competetors could, there was simply no customers. Though the parking lot full, not many strayed inside to buy things. Most of them hit the fireworks tent then straight back to their cars. I expected a slow weekend for the holiday & even advocated with others to be open on the 4th just to get what revenue we could, but it was desolate & so were people's interests in spending today. I put more work into the two marketplace days than I did most jobs, always on the move with a customer & always proud in an upkept presentation & display of the jewelry. After the long day ended, I had a mere few dollars to chuckle about & it was thanks to one loyal customer & friend.

I only shared that to say, I had almost lost track of my gratitude for a moment. It took remembering all the poor decisions of my past & losing it all time after time to remember that I should be grateful I have a business at all & that I am alive to have a slow business day. I was talking after the slump of a day with a close friend & some things we discussed were not exactly what I had hoped to hear. It seems that the situation I put myself in, due to prior decisions to grow closer to a friend, has some complications I was not aware of. Better yet, completely at fault, I assumed things were a certain way by appearances without asking or confirming my take on it. It all boils down to decisions I have made or have yet to make. Decisions I chose to make in the past have put me in the clueless situation I am in now. As I claw for insight before making any more choices that could damage myself or my friend in any way, I have really taken a deep look at decision making in my life. I have several options, some of which involving shutting myself off, others being patient & waiting for more to be revealed, pushing on blindly as I did before I found out information, or deciding to make no decision at all at the time being, which is still a decision. It's a funny circle to think about really, but not when your the one faced with decisions.

Should I stay or should I go? Red or Green? How about black? Or No Shirt at all? Confused? Welcome to my spot. But I have seen a spiritual side to all of this confusion. One that says, In the past I was not capable of weighing decisions nor making the right one often at all. Today I have at least a chance to do the next right thing & even if not I am in a much better place to deal with the side effects. This process of weighing a decision based on my feelings, logic, beliefs, and the many other countless factors is proof that the program works because before if there was not a direct result of a high or drunk related to a decision in my life, that decision was not made or was a decision not to do something that wouldn't somehow benefit my selfish addiction. I still have to make decision selfishly on behalf of my sobriety, but I can back those decisions today with moral boundries that I do not have to cross for once in my life. I truly try to make decision on a clean slate, if my spiritual life or my sobriety are not affected then I more often than not can make the right decision, but my decision as of late is one with emotional side effects for myself & a friend. It's almost equivalent to telling someone you can't be there friend because they do illegal drugs still, or some who are spiritually fit say "we can be friends but not when your on that stuff".

I am not sure of what decision I will make, or if I will hide from the whole process like a lost little boy who won't talk to strangers, but I am willing to feel for the answer. I have asked my higher power to help me with decisions in my life before & this should be no exception. When I ask what it would have of me, the answers are considerably closer to me than without it's help. Its because that is my understanding of a higher power & what is right, wrong, or indifferent. My higher power tells me right now to learn more, give things time, and truly decide for whats best in my situation considering my sobriety & spiritual life as necessaries to survive the decision. With any difficult or important decision it's best to have the facts, feelings, and affects all thought out prior to making any.. that is especially for alcoholics/addicts & spiritually sick people. I say that because a rash decision is the only way we know & sometimes at face value we can turn something down that was a true treat or take something on that is a real nightmare. When there is another human being involved in my decision & its emotional reach, I must not take haste or I have not done my job as a spiritually driven person. To The Lab Good Doctor.. To The Lab. Happy Holiday Weekend. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy