Realizing Your Not The Higher Power

July 05. Hey my friends, all of you who had off I hope you enjoyed the beautiful day. Anyone who worked I hope it was a good day & you stayed cool. I had an awesome day. No lottery winnings, no big business deal, and no angels.. that I know of. But there was also no drugs or alcohol in my life, nor a single thought of them as I floated through my day. My higher power was in full control of my day, I simply went along for the ride & it was a smooth one. I started my day with a shower & then met a friend with her kids for an early lunch. We talked & goofed for a while at the diner then took a trip to best buy for software she needed. Rocking to the radio, talking, and just spending time with her & the two kids was enough to make my day, I didn't want the visit to be over. Without resistance we parted ways which was only easy to do because I remembered one thing, if I remember I am not a god & that I cannot control or have everything I wish.. then the things I do have will be appreciated. So as that thought passed I said a prayer, I often just talk real talk with my higher power like a phone conversations, and said "Thanks for this morning". Instead of dwelling on the fact that our short visit was over I was able to turn it over & appreciate every last second of it instead. I went home after that & to my suprise my whole immediate family was there. The nephews, nieces, sisters & parents. The beautiful day & my great morning made this day all the better, now I started to think. "What did I do right to deserve this day?" That answer must be with my higher power & I must have been good because more came yet.

I spent some time with the little ones playing a ball game I made up for them & talked with the other adults intermittenly. By the time they all took off mom & dad were planning to head out as well, so I got some quiet time to take a nap under the breeze of a fan. My monday group was moved to our friends house so we could have a fire & enjoy the weather, so I made phone calls to everyone I knew that might have gone to the church & found no meeting. I ended up staying close to three hours, talking & stoking the fire with great sober friends.. some spiritually fit & others just starting their journey. My sponsor ended up coming before I left, while enduring too many bug bites to count after the fire died, it was good to see & hear from him. He is one friend that is always there to help, with wisdom & his time, and many times more than that if needed. The honest & careful approach he has used with me for the past year is something I hope I can have when I sponsor people in the future. He had to get home & was tired with work in the morning, I left a few minutes after & got to catch mom & dad still awake. Looking back on the day I can really feel the topic for tonight in my life. I not only realize it, but I am so glad that I am not the Higher Power in my life. Just being along for the ride on a day like today is worth all the work & difficulty of following the spiritual path. A reward? Maybe, or maybe its just what happens when we live right.

I realized at the end of my run that I was not a god, I had not even the power to stop drugs & alcohol from ruling over me. Countless people walked all over me in my weakened state & I walked all over the people that loved me. No being of power would want nor need to behave such a way & a god would not be ruled by something else.. especially material & chemical things. Over this past 11 months in sobriety I see my higher power working around me in ways I could never imagine or duplicate, I even see it in other's lives & its a really peaceful feeling. Be it having a good day in my own life, or seeing a person loose a loved one, my higher power is alive & well. It is doing things for a reason, with purpose & clarity that my human mind cannot always see. I am learning so much by my relationship with my higher power, that it is transferring into my relationships with other people. I can only pray that I will one day be as close as I am to my higher power with my family, friends, and the love of my life should she appear in it. I have made a wonderful friend recently, she is a beautiful person & a mother as well. There are things that our higher power has intented to have happen or not happen as our friendship ages, many difficulties have already emerged, but realizing I am not in a position to change them helps. I can instead have hope & confidence that no matter what continues, stops, or amplifies between us will be the work of my higher power & what was intended for me.

I am happy to be me today, happy to not be God. The great things in life are sometimes in the fine print & sometimes not in print at all, thats where my higher power helps me to see them. There was a time when I thought I was created & destined to die chasing euphoria, my life to end of an overdose or organ failure of some kind. I am glad I did not have the power to make that view of my destiny concrete, my higher power has other intentions for me. All of the joys I have accumulated in short months add up to a lifetime worthwhile, I can say today that I was born to live free & walk with the spirit. A far outlook from the doom & gloom of my past. The battle has just begun, I can only do what my higher power allows me & it has already allowed so much. As I make attempts to live the 12 Steps it often gets difficult, but that is where being a human has its benefits, I can own mistakes & do not have to be perfect. The harder I try to live as my higher power intended & wishes, the more of this great life will be mine.. I am convinced. If your having trouble realizing you are not THE HIGHER POWER send me a message sometime, mine is big enough for the whole world & I am sharing it & his son with everyone who cares to embrace it. It's great to be me, its great to be you, we are the recipients of the grace of a higher power we may never fully know before our time is over.. that grace is life itself & all that comes with it. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night.. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy