Honesty - To Thine Own Self Be True - Part II

July 08. Hey everybody, I missed you all yesterday but took a break from the blog & enjoyed some 'me' time out with my cousin. Wednesday came & went, with some parts of the day I didn't look forward to & a few I did. I went to the movies with a friend & her kids which I was definitely looking forward to, but it was afterwards I was not. I had planned to give her a letter explaining a few problems I had with our friendship if I still felt the urgency to do so after the movies, I did & so I gave her the letter. The cause & affect of our decisions are everywhere, and I in fact hurt her feelings in my expressions on that paper I gave her. It was a necessary lesser of two evils to do so, because not doing it would have comprimised my sanity and possibly later my sobriety. If I put anything before my sobriety & what is required of me to maintain it, I will surely lose it & my sobriety together. So I had to be responsible & say something, a letter ensured I said it how I meant it & by reading it to myself I could see that I genuinely cared & was not just sounding off. The day pretty much went into a blur after that point, I emerged slightly better late that night in the company of my cousin feeling a little better & laughing instead of sulking about my choice. Thursday was upon me & I spent a good part of the day catching up on sleep & trying not to think too much. Well both worked out for the most part & night came. I went for dinner a town over & then hit up the usual thursday meeting I go to.

At the meeting there was a person whom I can't say I am too fond of at this time, someone I actually used to party with before I crashed & burned. I see alot of what was at one time myself withing her & she is struggling like I did a few years ago when I first came around to the 12 Step fellowships. She was high as a kite at the meeting & the chairman did not pick up on it, he asked her to come & speak for 10 minutes to the group. It was a display of what drugs & alcohol made all of us look like around the normal world, sick & suffering still. The thought & words came to my mind that have kept me True to Myself & the rest of the world around me since I got sober 11 months ago. "To Thine Own Self Be True". I've written about this in the past & its importance to me, but its worth mention again. Also I have grown quite a bit since I wrote on this last. It is this famous quote that has kept me honest in my program. I am by no means perfect, but when something has mattered I've been genuine. In my sobriety, my friendships, my business & relationships with family & others close to me it has been a key element of rebuilding a successful life. If we cannot be true to ourselves, we cannot be true to our program or to anyone else.

It's the element of truth that we build our entire foundation for recovery, which breaths us a new life, that foundation must be build on truth or one day reality will crumble it beneath our feet. If we are dealing with a problem, honesty will shine the light of the spirit on it & make it weaker, more people can help or guide us through an issue if it is really exposed for what it is. Sometimes we struggle with truth because of shame, guilt, or in alot of cases also it is a habbit we are comfortable with. As simple as telling little white lies can destroy things for us over time. Learning to be honest & then take it a step further by purposely leaving nothing out of sight when we deal with people will benefit us more than we can realize. When people know us & care about us, I mean truly know us, they can think about us more often when "this or that" which applies to us comes up. You don't know how many times I've been given a hug when I needed it or just got that friendly phone call from someone who cares because I shared the fact "I am hurting inside" with someone & didn't leave it out. Or how many times I've had help with an issue or someone showed me tolerance instead of lashing out on me because I said "I'm struggling with this, or letting that go". Honesty can change the whole playing field for us in our lives, which means our careers, our relationships, and our spiritual journey. Thanks for blogging in. Good Night. Good Morning.. <3 Jimmy