Accept Not Expect - Acceptance & Expectations

Jan 4. Thanks everyone for your continued viewing & support. I can never express enough gratitude too many times. :)

Today was a usual monday say for getting an opportunity to help someone & later a chance to reflect on a valueable lesson my sponsor has taught me through many talks we have had. In the mid morning a friend called needing dress clothes for his uncle's wake today. The story is truly sad, the man commited suicide after recieving a DUI & hitting a bottom on New Years eve. If only he found his way to the rooms that helped me, if only people were carrying the message near his ears and living the example in front of his eyes. I practiced acceptance by recognizing that what happened to him was his final act of self-will, and that it was exactly what our higher power had intended to happen at that exact time & nothing can change that. I would never wish the disease I carry on anyone, and when I see a fellow addict/alcoholic fall past the final point of help it is sad. That reminded me today that there are certain things about other people in my life that I cannot change or influence, and that there are other's that either do not want to hear the message or lack the desire to take on spiritual principles in their life. I have to accept that, and know that it is all for a reason that I do not need to know or question. Its just what the higher power intends it to be at that moment. After my friend left I started my venture out for the day, marching to the beat of gratitude that my addiction did not have to bring me to that final ending & God had more in store for me.

I stopped to visit my mom at her work before heading out to start my evening. I used to stop and see her often when I worked close by, but get to see her at home now instead and don't need to beg her to bail me out as often as in the past. I truly love that woman so much, even when I was worthless she could find the one thing I had going right. Rejuvinated, full of gratitude, and ready to meet a friend for coffee and dinner I left expecting not to see her til the morning because a friend called and made plans to have a movie night at their house later. I met the other friend for coffee and food, enjoying a nice long talk about his work & encouraging him to stay on that path and away from the drugs that have taken him down time and again. We finished much earlier than expected & I got to my 12 step meeting an hour early, so I devoted myself to doing several 'service' things in preperation for the crowd tonight. The meeting was on the first step of powerlessness and unmanagability in our lives. It was right up my alley because it reminded me of what brought me to those meetings in the first place. Wouldn't you know at the end of the meeting, my powerlessness showed up again. This time though it wasn't over drugs or alcohol, it was over the events and things that happen in other people's lives. My friend who called for a movie night texted me complaining that we had to cancel, that the mother was home instead of staying out and wanted a quiet night. Unlike last night's fiasco where I got blatently blown off and lied to after I drove all the way back home, this friend was at least honest and sincere. They even offered an appology for the situation.

At first my mind thought, "Here I planned my night EXPECTING to come over, I even got movies. I told my family I would not be home til after they were asleep & now I am going to go home just in time to say hi before they go to bed. How awful I was really EXPECTING a friend tonight, not being alone." Then I remembered a principle that I need to constantly work at & practice to embed into my character... Acceptance & Not placing Expectations on people, places, or events. It truly goes hand in hand with living one day at a time and is something that you may never master, but need to get fairly good at to adpot the rewarding lifestyle. I actually felt like I was progressing in a positive manner, because I thought the selfish worst, and before I spoke practiced the prinicples I am being constantly reminded will make me more spiritually fit. My reply was at that point to the appology, "Its not your fault she came home and doesn't want anyone to come over. I appreciate you trying to fit time with me into your life & we can try again sometime soon I hope. I miss you, get some rest instead and call me tomorrow." WOW. That was ME saying that. I used to treat this friend like crap when this happened in the past, and would say awful things like "Tell her to go back out that you need your time with me. What I am not good enough to be your friend or to be able to come over to your house... or You split the rent with her, tell her how it is." I really appreciate the slow change I am experiencing, but moreso the ability to see the old ways and methods I employed as well. It gives me hope that other things will improve, and hope is something that we all need in our lives. I want to share a prayer that we say at a specific meeting I go to occasionally that really hits home with alot of things I talked about tonight, but first I wanted to ask.. "Have you ever been faced with something that you tried so hard to change?... A person, an outcome, or an event?.. How frustrating was it & when you finally let go of expectations or realized the need for acceptance how much easier was it to swallow??" Please feel free to share anything about what I have written about in tonights topic, answer any of the questions I asked, or just write a thought you have in general. Feedback is not only appreciated, it makes this all worth while. And now let me share that prayer, it truly helps me with acceptance of things that I don't understand by seeing them as my higher power's will... Good morning & Good night, until next time <3 Jimmy.

THIRD STEP PRAYER
God I offer myself to Thee- to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always.