Whats Given Is Truly Recieved - Circular Logic

Jan 13. Hey friends. I have returned once again to get some of the weight off my shoulders. I thank every one of you who read this blog for doing so, and for sharing in return. The common bond people share is amazing to me, when I touch another spiritually my own spirituality gains positivity. Its this circular logic that drives the program I so avidly follow today. One person helping another, to improve their own existance. It seems like a paradox, but by miracle it is not. It in fact works, I am living proof and without it I would have never found my way back to the light.

I woke up this morning glad I had found calmness before bed last night. My wednesday routine is to confirm the deposit of my money & start my day accordingly to handle the financial responsibilities in my new sober life. I had a special agenda today with some of my extra money. Last night's blog I mentioned about that jeweler friend who wanted to help me boost my product line at the weekend storefront. My plans were to take that extra money and invest in a deal that would be highly profitable if the right buyers saw my wares. One thing was wrong though in my whole daily plan, the money that is faithfully there on wednesday mornings was not. My account reflect the balance it had been at since my last visit to the bank. Baffled I started to think that things at the unemployment office were backed up or that there was some other sort of delay.

I began calling early to try and reach a live person to find out a solution. In between the constant busy signals and high volume messages my cousin called. He wanted to tag along for my usual wednesday agenda & have lunch or do something else socially enticing. I explained that my money had not yet arrived & I was getting to the bottom of it as soon as possible, sharing also my concern that something was wrong & that I was starting to panic a bit. He tried to reassure me that all would be fine, but I had a bad feeling.

After four hours of attempts & a half hour on hold, I finally reached a UEC representative. They explained the holdup of my money was because my benefit year was over, and that one week was all I was entitled to and that had to be processed manually by them. They assured me that money would be there friday morning and offered to check my eligability for a new claim. My toe's curled as thoughts of instant financial ruin filled my mind. This couldn't be happening, not now, not after just starting this new business to get ahead. The result was that I WAS eligable for another 32 weeks of unemployment, but then back to bad news. The amount that I will collect is nearly half of what I used to get. So now the business that I had hoped to get ahead of the game with, was turned into the only current option to maintain the financial stability I had since my sobriety began. So much for getting ahead I thought. What if the business fails, then what is going to happen? I was projecting every possible negative thing. I tried to comfort myself with last night's blog topic, and accept it as God's will for me right now. That however doesn't pay the bills and other necessary costs I have pinned to my pegboard.

I had considered the possibility if the market storefront does not do as well as needed the fact that I will have to find quick employment that will bring in more than the new lower unemployment & the market combined as an option to give both of them up. It worried me if I could even find a decent job in today's market, or if I did find one that demanded I give up my business & UE benefits would it last or be something I can handle & maintain my sobriety at the same time. Fear of getting laid off a month after starting like has happened to so many people I know also crept in. All of this rambling on about my concerns and fears is to paint a clear picture of how serious not just I, but so many, take financial blows. It can put us all in a stressful spot that if not handled with the right attitude or dealt with properly can deteriorate our spirituality in a matter of days or weeks.

I shared this with others, on the phone, at meetings, and to my family. From all the sources I got hope, strength, and the drive to accept and take this thing head on. Who is to say my business will not triple what I have lost over the course of the next month. Afterall I have only been in business one weekend and already turned profits. In addition this may lead me to a career that I never saw coming should I enter the job field. It might be something I am good at, or love beyond current imagination. Support & reassurance came out of nowhere as suddenly money that was no longer at my disposal was given to me by a certain someone to invest in my business. I won't mention who, but they know who they are and I think that their support means the most in so many ways. I could not imagine the rally behind me, all because of the metamorphasis that I went through in my life. Because of the drive and passion I have for my sobriety. Those who only had good advice to offer gave just that. Now tomorrow, money in hand I will be going to have that business meeting with the jeweler. And God willing, I will continue to run my business with success, run my life with his works in mind, and grow in sobriety through spiritual development. It seems that all I have given of myself to my family, the 12 step fellowship, & this blog has come back around when I need it once again. I will continue to give, even when I have little. When I have been to my last dollar countless times, I gave it to the collection plate of the organization that has helped me so much. When I couldn't get my own life figured out I have helped others. Sometimes I could not uphold this to a perfect pace, but when I caught myself being selfish instead of selfless I have always tried to adjust and get back on track. In recognition of this "CIRCULAR LOGIC" it is my intention to keep giving, no matter my coat to the cold, or my time to the sick & suffering... because God helps those who help themselves, yes. But he also looks out for those who help others. It is his works that I do best, not my own, and with that I ask.. "Have we measured up to what our higher power expects from us? Has the selfishness in our past motivated us to give more today? With empty pockets & hurtful hearts have we searched deeper for that little bit we were afraid to part with? Can we turn a negative into a positive just by simply accepting the situation & opening our mind to the possibilities ahead?" I want to thank you for GIVING me your gift of an audience. Without you to share with and give so freely to my attempts of sober living I may not be so optimistic. The day is ours when loss becomes gain. With that.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy