Jan. 5 Hey friends! Great day to be alive other than the wicked cold. I noticed something that until today I never gave much thought. As you read on you'll probably agree that it wouldn't have mattered if I realized it in the past, because in active addiction my disease wouldn't have left much room to succeed.. so lets start with a seed planted on sunday, that grew this morning.
On Sunday, while browsing through a local flea market, my cousin & I had talked about a desire he had to open a sports memorabilia shop one day. I had alot of passing dreams for opening a shop for 'this or that' all through my life. Different themes of interest crossed my mind as the years and hobbies passed through my life. But as my addiction progressed year by year, ambitions of such a thing died out along with my spirituality. I once dreamed of the sports card shop as a little kid, then a game store, a financial services business.. all lost to the degenerate conditions and chemicals I exposed to myself on a daily basis. Being almost six months sober now it was a whole new ball game and hearing my cousin talk of his desire resparked a few of my own.
The thoughts of all those little shops and stands at fairs & malls returned to my mind with opportunity attached to them. I once shared that same dream he has today & when I started to see open spaces at the bazzar we were at the wheels started turning. His mind was evidently thinking the same because when the idea came up of getting a spot there & working together on a common goal we both got psyched. We agreed to make plans to meet with the managers this week to get prices for space & if within reason take a stab at an opportunity to not only spend some time together but make money with things we enjoy. I like jewelry, coins, antiques, games etc. And I am an avid treasure hunter. Along with his passion for collectable sports material we had a common interest and today we went to talk business with the owner.
In the past years this would be work, would require me to deal with people, and would require capital I would rather be spending on the only things that brought me happiness at that time.. drugs and alcohol. At that time I could have been handed a profitable business and because of my hunger for disaster and self hate destruction, I would have run it into the ground. One of something was never enough, and a thousand was too many. Back then I wanted the thousand, so I could be numb or die trying. Growth is so wonderful though. I used to say "I NEVER Got The Opportunity to do something I enjoy, I never got the good paying job, I never got anything."
Today I see that the opportunity was there the whole time. Most of my employers had great things in mind for me until my condition worsened and self sabatoge came into play. Then they usually gave me my last chance and I would take that as my walking papers and roll another joint with it, middle finger in the air. I destroyed my opportunities, they WERE there all along. Today I have a little more perspective towards that. I never could see what I see today through those fogged glasses of addiction I wore so wantingly. Today I am grateful for a small chance in hell at enjoying something and turning a profit at the same time. So what if it requires a little work, today I am ready. I love people now, ready to serve and ineract. Money no longer dissapears into thin air without there being a movie ticket to save, or a conversation to remember. Reinvestment is an option if successful, I don't have to run success into the ground. And if I fail? The next opportunity awaits. "I HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TODAY, and every day I remain sober." One day at a time. "Do we remember the times we were so caught up in something that we could not see the opportunity before us? Maybe a resentment, a person, a habbit, a task seeming to hard.. If we reflect on opportunities we missed in the past, and pay attention to the opportunities we have each day we can take advantage of them. Is there an opportunity you passed up on prior that you would love to have today?" Please feel free to comment on anything I said in this blog, answer any of these questions if you wish to, or just talk about something inspiring. Thanks for blogging in and until tomorrow.. Good Night, Good Morning .. <3 Jimmy
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hey jimmy...Just read your Im sure there are many oppoutunities we all have passed up on but there are one i have always regreted but im not gonna blow it up on the computer..but imma lay down..keep on doin whaat your doing i will continue to read,Cuz its inspiring to me have a goood nite
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ReplyDeleteI have to say that we all have had oppurtunities that we have either walked away from or ignored, and we have to take each and everyone of them and put the into perspective of were they good or bad. I look at my own life and know that there are many times I made choices and wonder if I did the right thing. with jobs, relationships friends etc. I can look at the loss each decission has made, and let it destroy me or I can take my present and create a future and that is what you need to do. I had a good job and though my marriage was a little rocky for the most part it was good. I left my marriage and quit my good job. Now I can kick myself in the ass or look at the oppurtunities that is has given me. I found another job in the same field but not only got to learn more then before but I was important people came to me for answers instead of looking at me as the pup that knew nothing. I left a town and neighborhood that was destroying the happy go lucky life that I wanted to live and found a home in the country close to my family and believe it or not I am closer to my husband then I have ever been before. even though we are no longer together we have a friendship now that while together we could never dream of having. Now I choose to focus on these things instead of saying... well you walked away form a home that you own. you walked away from security you quit a job that was hopefully one day going to take you some were, those are the negative ideas that can bring addictions to life. There was a time if you recall that I sat telling you that I understood why you took drugs because the idea of dealing with life was more then I wanted to handle. I never gave into the desire to numb myself instead I decided to once again listen to the words of a wise man adn see that everything happens for a reason and though I may not see it at the time it is usually a good one, when I decided to look at the good that came from my choices i no longer wanted to be numb but i wanted to embrace life again. So don't look at your addiction as something that hurt your chances in life look at it as a fork in the road that has lead you to see the road ahead of you instead,
Hey Jimmy, I just read all of your blogs and I have to say I am simply amazed! A long time ago you had been phylosophical with me, general bantor and such, that really didn't make much sense to me at the time. However, I always knew you were the intelligent one and would find your way, I am so very proud of you and you are doing a wonderful job with these blogs! Your words may just be someones light in the dark. The words you speak can relate to so many different illnesses, yes alcohol and drug addiction, but also depression, PTSD, cancer survivors as well as other disease survivors. You have such a positive message for your readers! I think you are wonderful and I am grateful to have known you for as long as I have! I love you and keep up the good work! ~ Donna
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