The Needle & The Damage Done - Not Just A Neil Young Hit

Jan 27. Welcome back friends & family of Sobriety. Today was a different kind of day & I am eager to share about its different events that played out. The morning started off with my parents getting ready for work. Thats no different than any other day except the fact that they were celebrating 37 years of unity & dedication in their lives. I hope that when I reach their age I will be celebrating as well, but if not a union of love, then at least a dedication to Sobriety & Spiritual Living. I've seen the needle & the damage done, a little part of it in everyone, but this junkie does NOT have to be like a setting sun. And with the rise of the sun they were off to work, dedicated to running a household like any other day of the year. That inspiration is something I cannot easily forget, so many times I selfishly took time off work for lesser achievements such as 'getting high' on my birthday.

Shortly after my dad left the door my sister arrived to dry some clothes because her old one finally died & her new one was not coming until the evening. She happened to bring one thing that is still innocent in my life today, my young nephew. He was curious & energetic as always & a sweet sight for sore eyes. As tired as I was somehow he sat still long enough for me to summon the energy to color in a book together. I remember when those simple pleasures were all it took to make my life complete, and someone to do them with made it all the more better. It was long before the onset of addiction & the development of character defects as well as spiritual destruction. Ahh to be young again, but actually I am. The more I grow Spiritually the more I find myself feeling that child-like bliss. I hope that any of you reading this that may have lost touch with such pleasures like I did DO believe me when I say that they can be regained. Its the honesty & willingness that spirituality thrives off of. That and the desire to do for & with another. Children are experts at such selflessness & are naturally honest & willing until dishonesty is later developed as a reaction to punishment. After some goofing around and a few broken chats with my sister I took a nap.

I slept so hard that I missed my other sister coming to pick up my nephew. At first I was a little down, but had to realize that I must have needed the sleep & it was whats meant to be evidently. A short time later my mom arrived home from work & I set off to get cleaned up for my night of activities, starting with dinner that she made me. I went to pick up a friend who is almost Sober the same amount of day as me, however much younger & honestly has never "seen the needle & the damage done". I remember feeling thankful for her bottom never having to hit as low as mine, and being envious of how much less work she would have to do on herself in the long run for spiritual balance. We got to the meeting & there was a holdup because church members were having a meeting that ran late in our designated meeting room. A fellow we are all too familiar with showed up.

He had a rough life from what he shares, rougher than mine even for he spent over 14 years in jail, whereas I walked freely in step but a prisoner to my addiction for 14 years. Maybe we really had it as equally hard, only my higher power could measure such weights in the heart of another man, but I know this.. He was in sad shape tonight. He could not speak, his eyes distant & bloodshot, and he nearly fell with every step. He said he had a surgery tomorrow & that the doctors gave him a pill to calm him down. To be honest from my years of experience & knowledge of what doctors give for what, he was on no such thing. I saw myself quite some time ago when I looked at him tonight. He repeatidly nodded out of consciousness, eyes in the back of his head and arms limp. He had no awareness furhter than the person sitting next to him when he was conscious. It got so bad that he spilled his coffee during a lapse all over himself, table, & floor. He stumbled to the kitchen floor and nodded off, leaving everything to others to take care of, sticking to his dishonest call that one anxiety pill was all that was making him a 'little off' tonight. I HAVE seen the needle & the damage done. I have lived it. I have heard it too.. Its not just a Neil Young Hit from a few decades ago.. its a harsh reality that destroyed my life, my spirituality, & my will to endure for many a day in my adult life.

Knowing what it took for me to finally seek the light of the spirit & the life of sobriety I could only lend words of advice to the friend I brought that was so horrified like so many others were who never saw a person on dope. "We can clean up his messes, we can listen to his stories, but we cannot change his heart & until he or his higher power accomplishes that nothing can be done but to let him sit in his own shit. Do you want to wipe his ass or save your own? That is what you need to remember." I would never had been so tough with my words, but its what applied to me & its what they needed to hear because they were beggining to stress over having cleaned up his mess & 'what to do next'. If your not spiritually fit enough to help another yet, then just being in the program to help yourself and filling an empty chair is enough help for us all. The sick reminder of my own repulsive lifestyle in the past tonight has reminded me of one thing.. if I ever use one time again, I could spend eternity like that forever. "I've seen the needle & the damage done, a little part of it in everyone, but every junkie's like a setting sun." With the light of the spirit I hope the Sun never sets on me & with your continued support I stay confident it never will. "Have we seen situations play out that are all too familiar? Knowing we cannot help, have we tried to help the others who have not seen what someone else is experiencing? Can we summon those old tapes of our mistakes & remember to play them past the fun and through to the tragedy, or do we stop at the fun and tempt ourselves to dive back into disaster?" Thanks for blogging in. Until next time.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy