He Says, She Says - Who Is Right When Everyone Is Wrong?

Jan 28. Thanks to all who have blogged in this week to read up on my struggles & successes in Sobriety. I had an interesting & full day of various tasks & meetings. I guess I'll go over a quick rundown from this morning then quickly get into the topic for the night.

I woke up fairly early to my friend calling to say it was his day off work. The snow crippled his original plans to do some outside work so he asked what I was up to. I had plans to change the oil in my car because alot like me without matainence its bound to blow up sooner or later. He got ready to come over & help while I made my coffee. When he arrived we spent some time talking & he checked out some of the new jewelry I accumulated for the weekend market. Finally down to business we changed the oil in the garage & he went on his way. Later I met back up with him to get his kids because they were dismissed early from school & wanted to come visit him.

I got home and settled with enough time to eat a late lunch, change clothes, and head out to my individual counseling session. I have to say that the more open minded, optimistic, and spiritual I get, my counselor seemed less of each of these lately. She is not an addict and does not work a 12 step program, but all in all she never displayed these qualities before. My curiosity led to thinking perhaps I am growing or having a good spiritual day and she evidently was not. In any case I did all the work today to bridge the gap between us and have to say that it went well because neither one of us left dissapointed in the end with the visit & she did help me figure out a scheduling solution for my overly busy thursdays.

I had an hour break between the individual session & my group so I got a fresh coffee and returned some messages to friends. During my next group there were some new faces curious for information about medically assisted recovery & about the actual disease of addiction/alcoholism. It felt good to have a few of the answers & be able to relay them in a manner that they could understand. It was also nice to familiarize myself with some of the other members of the focus group because this was not a 12 step meeting and many of the people were often a mystery as they come and go. After the meeting a friend called just as I hit my car, almost like they knew that was the exact free moment I had to talk.

It was a young woman who I know from an aftercare group & the 12 steps rooms. She still lived at home with her mother and is not yet a legal adult. Catching all kinds of hell from her mother, who is also in recovery, she needed the one guy she is allowed to talk to without getting a microscopic examination. Its only because her mother and I have become good friends through the 12 step rooms that I am trusted in this position. She was going on how she feels she is right in her current fight & plight with her mother. Her mother being 7 years sober, she only being 6 months. It is very difficult for a family member to convince another in Sobriety that they are doing good things outside their eyes when for years they are used to the opposite. Its even harder for a young person to feel or know they are right about something and have a brick wall to go up against. My suggestion was simple, and something I had to learn not so easily to apply to my own life even though I don't have alcoholic/addict parents.

I told her to focus on herself for a while and to not operate outside her mother's concerns for a while. To bury herself into her program as best she can & to actually begin taking the 12 steps. She had not yet begun the footwork or step work to developing spiritual fitness and this was obviously her mother's concern that she cannot see herself. What parent would want their addict child to be out there unsupervised, under-age, and under spiritual fit levels. My hope is that it will sink in and that she will consider accomplishing what is necessary to actually be safe on her own two feet, because even I am vulnerable without a phone & a friend with the answers to call. I could only imagine what a parent can go through, let alone a parent in recovery who has fought that battle themselves. I pray that she finds her way through the 12 steps and follows the lead of the winners of the program. Not many people ask my opinion on what to do to stay sober or to survive coexisting with people other than ourselves, maybe thats because of only having a little bit of experience myself. I do know that sharing the solution with others helps me to remember what I must do myself. That is why I keep this blog, work my program to the best of my ability, and keep a hand out to the still sick & suffering. Sometimes the sick & suffering have even put the chemicals down, but have not put the peices back together. If we only try, there can be peace. "Have we been that friend that others have turned to for the solution? When we offered it did they listen? How often do we tell friends to solve a problem a certain way, that is difficult for ourselves to remember to do in our own lives? Thanks for joining to read in tonight. Your comments are welcome whatever they may be. Anytime is a good time to start living for Spiritual gain, which starts by us giving simple time to something other than ourselves. Til next time.. Good Night. Good Morning... <3 Jimmy