Happy Days? -- No More Re-Runs

Jan 9. Hey everyone thanks for tuning in. I had such a great day today at the flea market, it was a pure success. Doing everything from rennovating our sale floor area to spending time with certain people made it a balanced day, oh and I made money, more than necessary to stay in business. So if you don't mind I want to compare how this all went down to another time.

This morning I got up at 6:00am. In my addiction that only happened if I had enough stuff already to last me thru the next morning. Right off the bat a huge difference in my actions. I used to think that mornings like that were the "Happy Days". A bundle of dope to last thru the long day of work, or a bottle of pills to pop like pez candy. Thats how I made it through two of the last three years at my previous job. If I couldn't save enough for the next morning, I didn't get up at all, or I called in with a dreamed up "emergency" to be late until I could meet a dealer. The "Happy Days" were only that if I wasn't sick from withrdawl.

I never could enjoy the company of people like I did today. From my cousin & his family, to my own family who stopped by, I could not have been able to survive 15 minutes let alone a whole day in the past. Sobriety has made me comfortable enough in my own skin, that I am actually learning how to enjoy other people. Not only that, but I am learning to love them for who they are exactly, rather than conditionally love them for what they can offer or do for me.

Addiction had made me such a spiritual train wreck that I had no social skills for the people I loved. Addiction however did make me a manipulator, so dealing with strangers was a common practice when I got high. In fact, many years prior at the same flea market we have our store at now, I had a stand there selling new & good conditioned toys. I spent every bit of profit on drugs. This was taken to the extreme though, I would not buy lunch or a drink, I needed every penny for drugs. I had a hard time parting with the money to pay the market manager for my spot, but no drugs if I sold no toys that day. Instead of that old result, today I invested some money into rennovating the store sales floor area by buying a lattice wall to seperate the other vendors from us and peg boards for my cousin to utilize with the memorabilia he needs to hang. Not only that, I drank two soda's and ate lunch.

These may seem like all small things or normal. When your used to running things into the ground just to stop the sick in your body and mind that my disease was causing, its not normal, its a MIRACLE to actually run a business well and take care of needs associated with the store and my health. I disposed of so many opportunities like this in the past because I only started them to get high in the first place, never to succeed or reach a certain respectable goal. I walked away from a flea market business years ago and just left behind hundreds of dollars in rare toys that were collectible and countless cases of new toys in their boxes. The other vendors split it up because my partner and I went on a binge run and didn't come back for our stuff for 4 weeks.

Not only is the lack of drugs a help in my life with this business, but my spiritual progress is in play big time. I am actually talking with customers and other vendors with a genuine concern about their interests. The person coming first for a change and the dollar coming second. And actually in the past the dollar was much farther down the list, but necessary to get the drugs which were first back then in the "Happy Days". I titled this post "Happy Days?" because in my active addiction I considered a happy day as any day that I got to do more dope than was necessary to make the fevers and sick go away. So a 10-15 bag, or a 30 pill day was a "Happy Day" for me.

I can truly and honestly say that today was an opportunity to experience a "REAL HAPPY DAY" and for many reasons. I got to open the first day of this great opportunity with the one cousin who I always felt to be more like my brother than anything else. I got to build comradery with people that I would never know or care about otherwise. I am experiencing selling to sell, and sell from the heart. I am starting something that I am capable of seeing through now to its end or its evolution without leaving someone else to pick up the pieces. Finally I get to make money. I get to make money while enjoying people I love, making new friends, earning experience, and helping others. I get to do it SOBER! OH HAPPY DAY, one day at a time. No more re-runs, fonzy move over, its finally my episode. That old way doesn't need to play out again like a happy days marathon on nick at night. So long as I remember how that old episode ends, I can muster the will to make each day a different episode. " Have you ever had an experience, event, or job that in the past you that saw as the "Happy Days", when you were blinded to the actual joy of it or were in rough spiritual shape? Was it because of personal shortcomings or things you didn't have control over at the time? Have you revisited that opportunity, people, occupation, or experience and realized after growth within that the real pleasure and treasures of it were there the whole time?" Just a thoughtful question I have to propose to myself often, because the old way I lived caused me to see many things differently than they really were. If you care to share about anything I wrote tonight I would be glad to hear any comments. Thanks everyone for blogging in tonight. Until tomorrow... Good Night, Good Morning ... <3 Jimmy